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jhinnako
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS
Why Men Come Back - ALWAYS

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This is very, very strange for me. I dated this guy last summer for like two months. From July-Sept. We probably slept together too soon--it sort of made things awkward between us(date 4). He wanted exclusitivity right away after that. So we were a couple. But he wasn't happy. We seemed to be different in what we expected. He was one for having long serious discussions about feelings and expectations. I, however, am not. I'm more of a "let's just see how things go" type of person. I'm not really one to talk about my feelings and those serious discussions will freeze me up. He wasn't up for that. He dumped me after a month. But he seemed to regret it, he asked to hang out with me a week later. So we did. There he decided he wanted to get back together. So we did. But he pulled the same thing a month later. He said we didn't communicate well--I couldn't express my feelings. But he wanted to be "friends". Uh huh.

 

I don't know why...but this really upset me. We were only together for *two months* but that break up was near-devastating for me. I was depressed for months, moping around. I embarrassed myself, probably a few times, telling this guy how I felt. I didn't freak out or get mad, or beg or stalk him or anything but it was pretty obvious I was hurt by it. A lot. I think part of the reason it hit me so hard was that--when I met him--I was lonely. Being with him for those two months were happy for me. We hung out, went out to restaurants, had a good times together. For those two months, I wasn't lonely. And then it all ended and I was alone again. *This* must have been what had bothered me. I went back and forth trying to be this guys friend and doing NC.

 

Finally, in December, I met someone else on a dating site. Things go really well with this new person and I am able to get over the ex. I haven't really thought or felt anything about him in months now. Interestingly enough, I'm now having some issues with the new person, we however, are not exclusive--though I'd like very much to be because I'm smitten with this new person--but he doesn't know what he wants.

 

Any way, so *now* of all times. After not speaking for months, my ex is contacting me. A lot. Really frequently. He's posting all over my facebook, commenting on my pictures, leaving random pointless messages, sending me "pokes", starting chats with me. Today, I checked my phone and I had a text from an unknown #. Turns out, it's my ex--but I'd deleted the number so I didn't recognize it. I know he's not doing it because of jealousy or anything--there's nothing about my on-going drama with the new guy that's readily visible on facebook.

 

But now I don't know what to think about this or how to respond. A small part of me is pleased to get the attention from him. But the rest is just confused because it wants the new guy I can't have. Any way, honestly, I'm weary of this guy. He dumped me twice. Whose to say whatever he was unhappy with those first two times wouldn't be the same problem now? I'm not interesting in riding that rollarcoaster again. I don't know what 's up with him.

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There isn't much you can do. He isnt' interested in a real relationship. I think he likes you but doesn't want to commit to you so would rather drag you around in an emotionally devastating lead-on. I'd delete him from my friend's list and focus on the guy you're with now before the ex ruins it for you.

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That's the problem. I'm not "with" the new guy. I'd like to be. But the new one doesn't know what he wants. We're just dating. So I'm chasing after someone new, whilst being chased by the one I use to chase...does that make sense?

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