Was I way off line here?

[Jess2006]

I have been really upset these last few days. About a month ago I went on a trip with a group of friends. The brother in law of one of these friends (lets call her Friend A) lived in that state. Another friend (Friend B) and myself were the only single ones. So when the group went out to have a good time he attended as well. I noticed since the beginning that he had interest in me, in the way he was interacting with me and such. Now, Friend B had said in the past (before this trip) that she thought he was cute, we had never really interacted with him though. So this Friend B told Friend A that she was interested in her brother in law. I had always thought he was cute, but had never said anything since he lived out of state and didn’t see the need to.

 

Well, during the trip this Friend B was trying to flirt with him a lot (now she says that she was not). But I noticed how he was paying attention to me. So one of the nights during the trip we all went to drop him off at his place. By that point he and I had gotten close. So when we dropped him off some of the people needed to use the bathroom since the ride back to the hotel would be long. When the people got off to use the bathroom in his apartment I and some of the others stayed in the car. But I needed to go too. So I waited until they came out so that I could go in (I didn’t know what apartment was his). So when I went in to his place he asked me to stay. I was in a group trip so I knew that I wouldn’t have any time to spend alone with him. He and I went back and forth on this, and I ended up staying.

 

Now, my “friend” (his sister in law) is furious with me! She believes I betrayed her, and that I should have asked for her permission before I pursued anything with him. She believes he and I “hooked up” and said that I used sex to entrap him. She also accuses me of not even being a friend, and that I betrayed Friend B as well by pursuing something with him when I knew she liked him (please note that this friend wasn’t in love with him or anything, she had only mentioned in the past that she thought he was attractive). This Friend A also said (and what I found most offensive) that she was “embarrassed” that her family would associate her with people like me and that she was “embarrassed” that her family would see that she was EXPOSING her daughter to people like me! All of this because I stayed over his place that night.

 

Now, I can understand that she was upset that I might not have expressed my interest in him to her. I guess she feels like she has ownership over her brother in law or something. Seriously, she is treating this as if I had slept with her husband or something. So I am also VERY upset at some of the things she has said.

 

Also note that now I talk to him every day, we care about each other, and are getting to know each other. So its not like it was a vacation fling or something. Unfortunately this is long distance so that makes it harder.

 

Is she right to think all these horrible things about me and try to judge me so harshly because I got involved with her brother in law??? And I have apologized like a million times already.

[yumicecream]

Personally, I think you were wrong. If I was also interested...right then and there I would have told her. I would have said, "Look, you might be interested, but I am to," and left it at that. You weren't upfront and I can understand her getting upset. I also think that you shouldn't have slept with him...if anything you could have waited a little bit.

[DN]

I don't think you did anything wrong. I hope the relationship works out for you and that you are very happy with each other despite the negativity from your so called friends who should be pleased for you - and for him.

[Jess2006]

And I know I could have handled things differently. That is why I have apologized so much. But I am not talking about the friend who had said that she liked him. I am talking about the one who is his sister in law, and the things she has said to me. I feel like she has treated it as if I had pursude something with her husband instead of her brother in law (which they only talk once in a while too).

 

I feel so happy that I am getting to know him, but at the same time this feels tainted because I have lost two friends because of this.

[Caterina]

If you know you could have handled things differently, then move on. What happened is what happened and you can't go back other than apologizing and trying to make things right- which you have. Maybe the sister in law is conservative.

[lady00]

I don't understand why his sister in law would be mad. I'm very confused as to why she is...am I missing something here? You hooked up with her brother in law...so? Maybe I misread that or something, but I don't know why your hooking up with her brother in law would make her angry. She isn't the one who liked him and the one who liked him did not have any claim to him and you had no sense from "Friend B" that her feelings were serious. I fail to see how his sister in law feels justified in getting angry over this. Her brother in law is a grown man and he is not Friend B's child or something....he can make his own decisions...you did not force or trap him into anything...that is just ridiculous.

[Jess2006]

No, you are not missing anything Lady00. That is how it happened.

 

Yes, I believe that this friend of mine (I don't think we still are actually) exagerated wayyy too much! She ACTUALLY told me that I should "have given her the heads up if I was planning to hookup with her brother in law". !! Her exact words. I guess she thinks she owns him??? And, according to her her problem is with me because "he is her family and I am only some friend." she also acused me of preventing him from talking to her on the trip (sooooo not true, I swear I didn't have any gun pointed at him) and that I ruined the trip for everyone.

 

Since I talk to him every day for hours I mentioned all of this to him. And he had actually said that I shouldn't have apologized because I did nothing wrong. And that he didn't know she cared about him that much (the sister in law) because it wasn't like they talked much. It seems like she wanted the other girl to end up with him since she had asked for her permission, literally.

 

I'm not so sure now I should have apologized... Am I right?

[Scorpion Fury]

You didn't do anything wrong. I'd tell your friend to eat s***. I don't understand why she's mad you hooked up with her brother in law. Did she secretly want him or something? Entrap him to what? Like you're trying to get pregnant or something?

 

As for Friend B, I really don't think she should be upset either. It's not she was dating the guy or anything and you came and stole him away.