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Havent spoken since i got dumped early Feb


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I thought i was doing pretty good about it, that is until my work slowed and i'm back to part time. Giving me more time to think about her Recently i've gone back to having trouble sleeping, just takes me longer to get to sleep. The way i see it is i have two options...just be friends or elminate her from my life. The hardest part about it for me, was losing my best friend. Right when i was hurting the most i had no one to talk to. For us to get back together she would have to try super hard and pull out all the stops. I'm too afraid of geting hurt by her again, so romance is out of the question. I figure she had her shot, it's time to give some other girl a chance to break my heart.

That aside, she was a real quality woman.

 

I'm not sure if she'd even want to be friends or if things would be weird for her if i tried. I dont hate her or anything, i was just real sad about the whole thing. I guess i'm just lonly and looking for a good friend. Man those are hard to come by. Maybe i'll just work out to fill my time. unfortunately i'm not really modivated enough for that. Maybe being in the friend slot with her would help me put the romantic part of her behind me. Be able to see her as a normal person and not on the pedistol.

 

Thoughts?

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I was on hotmail and i saw her online for the first time since we broke up. I said to my self "What the hell, we're not strangers i might as well say hi". We had some small talk, then i got to the point and told her what was on my mind, about the break up and what not. She told me "well i'm not looking for anything. wiht anyone for a wile", i guess she thought i was trying to get back together with her? I dont know. What she said wasnt even revelant to what i was saying. Then she told me that, that part of her life was behind her, as if we where never romanticly involved. She said some other stuff that to me sounded like she took all of the emotions and feelings of our relationship and tucked them into a box. Then placed that box back into a deep dark corner of her memory. It gave me the feeling that she's playing that "I'm a tough girl act, i dont have emotions!". And then re established all of her mental defences so that no one could hurt her feelings ever again. We were at it for 2 years and a bit, and i didnt get threw all of her 'walls'. Now their all back and even higher, with guard dogs and sentry towers.

 

I feel like i should say somthing to her, try to talk about the break up instead of her trying to sweep it under the rug. I'm sure that really hurts when all of it creeps up on you over time. Instead of facing the hurt she'd rather hold onto it and force it back into the box. I then remembered that we wernt a couple any more, i dont have to be there for her. She didnt say anything to me, i had to initate the conversation. To me that sent a clear message. "I dont want to talk about it". She told me that when ever i'm ready we could be friends. Scew that, i got my feelings off my chest, i have nothing more to say to her. Feels damn good to let go. I hope i dont have a relapse, i really cared for her...

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