any possibility my former escort gf can be faithful?

[sheworriesme]

So she's a former stripper and escort, has slept with over 60 men, and has several male friends (she describes them as friends) and lots of infidelity in her past. I found out all of this after she had my baby 2 months ago. I'm suspicious of one male friend in particular(I think he's the one she mentions as the guy on the side in this email) so I did a little snooping and found this email. She sent this one month before she became engaged to the bf she mentioned in the email. She broke it off with that guy to be with me a year and a half ago. Check this email out. Is there even a glimmer of hope that this girl will be faithful to me or am I just in for nothing but trouble in the future. I mean she sent this email ONE MONTH before getting engaged and while she had had this bf for 2.5 years!

 

I'm worried sick to find out this is the kind of person she is. I've never and would never cheat on a gf.

 

The email to an old military friend she was catching up with (certain identifying details edited):

 

"Great to hear from you too! Yeah, it is funny I got a hold of you, especially with you having the more difficult name. So you're still in touch with Jenny? Wow! I didn't know she was married! I'd love to get in touch with her. I've tried every now and then to find her. Ah, remember the days. What a boring life I lead these days in comparison. I'm working at as the . Whew! Quite a mouthful. I've been seeing a guy for two and a half years, and before him a guy for three years while I was going to grad school at University of . Now I'm seeing a guy on the side... ;-) Still a little vixen in that respect. Men are the only thing that keep life fun, can't limit myself to just one.

 

Keep in touch! I'd love to see some pics of ! If you meet any hot Navy pilots send 'em my way! Yum!"

 

Is there any hope for this girl or should I just start making preparations to protect myself and my son for when the inevitable happens?

[hockeyboy]

why are you still with this girl?

[Seymore]

Yeah, um...no. Just...no. You are in for a world of grief the longer she's around, my friend.

 

I once heard you can't make a ho a housewife.

[TechResQ]

Have to admit, this doesn't sound too promising...

 

You say she's had your baby? What kind of a mom is she being so far?

[Ac143]

Well the chances of her being faithful MIGHT be slim, but you might be the one guy...she wants to be faithful to!

 

You cant go & break up with her just because of her past. Right? I mean that wouldn't be right, but you do need to talk to her about this. You have a child together, try to work it out before bailing. She's a mother now & might think completely differently then she did just a few years ago.

[Lamprey]

My guess is, you're with her because she's hot. That's fine, but why in God's name did you ever get her pregnant? She won't be faithful to you, you're just setting yourself up for problems down the road.

 

A lifetime of thinking infidelity is ok won't change because she's pregnant or in love. Euphoric love fades fairly quickly and once it does, she'll be back to leading her normal lifestyle.

 

I used to date a stripper myself, and once I got her looks out of my system, there was not much left there other than constant problems. So unless you're ok with an 'open' relationship, don't bother.

[sheworriesme]

She's been a wonderful mom so far. Couldn't ask for better. I also don't think she's cheated on me (no evidence) since we've been together, but I am suspicious of all the male friends she has and since getting into her email I've found out what kind of a person she is, or at least was.

 

She has always told me all this 'you're the one for me, finally met my other half stuff' and I believed it. She told me she didn't love her ex-fiance, she just said she was settling because she had never found anyone like me.

Any advice here? I love her and I wish this could work, but I feel like all this evidence into who she really is (or was) is just too much - that there's just no way this woman won't cheat on me at some point, which will be the end of it for me. She's going to be 36 soon. Could it be that she's finally grown up and is done with this kind of lifestyle? Any chance?

 

And she considers this 'guy on the side' her best friend. Still emails and has lunch with him, though the emails now do sound just friendly.

 

God, this just has me so worried. I'm feeling like a relationship with this woman and having a baby with her could be worst mistake of my life.

[yellowcal]

My question is, how in the bejeezus did you not know this before she had your kid??

[jimthzz]

 

I've been seeing a guy for two and a half years, and before him a guy for three years while I was going to grad school at University of . Now I'm seeing a guy on the side... ;-) Still a little vixen in that respect. Men are the only thing that keep life fun, can't limit myself to just one.

Keep in touch! I'd love to see some pics of ! If you meet any hot Navy pilots send 'em my way! Yum!"

 

This says everything you need to know about this woman. Get a paternity test done for this baby of yours. Prepare to end things with her.

 

She is not a keeper, sorry.

[HeartGoesOn]

Sorry that you're in this situation, but she doesn't seem like "wife material."

[Binoo]

Run.....................!

[sheworriesme]

And yes, she's hot, but not that hot. I didn't know about her past

'career' until after she was too far along for us to do anything other than have the baby. Had I known, I'm not sure, but I think I probably would have asked her to terminate the pregnancy. I've never been promiscuous or unfaithful, those things are just totally against my personal values.

 

We met though eharmony and I fell in love with her personality, not her looks. I sold my house, quit my job, and moved accross the country for her. Now we have a baby and I have all this knowledge about her now.

 

Just don't know what to do. I love her, but I can't tolerate any infidelity. Considering buying a house with her, but now I'm concerned she'll flake and I'll be screwed. I'm the one with the down payment money and we'll need her salary to pay the mortgage. If she cheats on my or whatever and the relationship is over, I'd lose the house and be wiped out of my last 10 years of life savings.

[Scorpion Fury]

you sure it's your baby?

[yellowcal]

This is prime example of why you find out about a partners past (It does mean alot!!) before you get serious with them especially involve having kids together. She has a bad history with cheating on partners, sleeping with random people and all of these things. Doesn't sound like that great of a catch. She seems to be missing morals somewhere. She has told you that with her ex fiance she was just "Settling" who is to say she isn't doing the same with you?

 

Given her history i'd have tests done just to be sure it's my baby

[Seymore]

Look at it this way - you can't tolerate infidelity. After finding all of this out, it's going to be branded in your mind and you're going to live a life of paranoia.

 

It's not uncommon for people to have the "Knight in shining armor/I'm different" syndrome. I've been there plenty of times. But IF you think you're going to be the one that breaks this cycle (not saying you DO think so), think again.

[sheworriesme]

I mean that wouldn't be right, but you do need to talk to her about this. You have a child together, try to work it out before bailing. She's a mother now & might think completely differently then she did just a few years ago.

 

Well, she doesn't know I've stolen her email password and know all this about her. When I expressed some concern about this friend of hers she just exploded that I'm jealous like all men - really no way to counter that if that's really how she feels, right?

 

I do wonder if being a mom and her age will have changed her, and I really do think I'm probably a 'better' guy than anyone she has dated in the past.

 

God, seems like such a risk though.

[TechResQ]

Oh wow...you have done so much to be with her. I think her not disclosing her past to you in the beginning is a red flag in and of itself.

 

How did you find out about her sordid past?

 

I think it's time to sit down and tell her about your worries and maybe it's time for her to turn over all of her passwords and screen names and on-ine accounts to prove herself and start building trust. Just a thought.

[TechResQ]

This is your future you are talking about. Your happiness. You deserve to know everything. I say sit down and talk to her and tell her you know.

[sheworriesme]

I do know for sure it's my baby.

 

What kind of life does a person like her have? I mean how does it end? Do they just cheat their whole life, never having a good relationship and then die alone? Is that really the only way? God, I'd love to hold out some kind of hope that her situation is not that bleak.

[yellowcal]

When I expressed some concern about this friend of hers she just exploded that I'm jealous like all men - really no way to counter that if that's really how she feels, right?

 

 

The fact that she exploded over your concern makes me really wonder how "faithful" she is really being. While I wouldn't like being accused of cheating I wouldn't get mad over it and explode and then go on about how my guy is jealous like all men. Seems she may be trying to hide something.

[TechResQ]

I hate to say this and be so blunt, but your rrelationship is based on a lie. The fact that she did not tell you all about her past is the same as living a lie. It's wrong. You were under the impression she was a totally different person.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you. You seem like a great guy.

[sheworriesme]

I found out about the escorting thing because she told me. However, it was after I had already moved accross the country for her and she was 3-4 months pregnant.

 

I have all of her passwords, though she doesn't know. I felt bad stealing them, but all these male friends don't sit well with me and she's very much the 'my way or the highway' so any time I've even broached the subject of the male friends I get accused of being 'jealous like all men'.

[Ac143]

This is your future you are talking about. Your happiness. You deserve to know everything. I say sit down and talk to her and tell her you know.

 

 

I agree with this 100%. If she gets mad, she gets mad at least it will be out in the open.

 

I dont think its wise just to leave the relationship without telling her why or giving her a chance to talk to you about it. I know it looks like she will be unfaithful but who knows?? Maybe she is done with that life & wants only one man/marriage etc....? I doubt someone can go on forever with that type of lifestyle, at some point in your life MOST people want to settle down & if they find that person to do it with...even better!

[TechResQ]

I found out about the escorting thing because she told me. However, it was after I had already moved accross the country for her and she was 3-4 months pregnant.

 

I have all of her passwords, though she doesn't know. I felt bad stealing them, but all these male friends don't sit well with me and she's very much the 'my way or the highway' so any time I've even broached the subject of the male friends I get accused of being 'jealous like all men'.

 

That is not fair of her at all. If she wants a committed relationship she should be bending over backward to work for your trust and support you and alleviate any concerns or insecurities you might have.

[sheworriesme]

Thanks for all of the thoughtful replies so far. I'm really torn up about this as you can probably tell. I feel bad for her having grown up without a father and having been neglected by her mother, but man, i just don't know. One thing I know for sure is that I cannot accept being cheated on. And hey, for me cheating does not even have to be physical - i believe it's totally possibly to just emotionally cheat - that's sort of how I look at this 'best friend' she has. If he's her former guy on the side, even if the physical part of their relationship is over, i just don't think it's right to keep this man around as a 'best friend'. I would never do something like that. In fact, I would never have a female friend where there was any romantic past - i just don't think that's a friend, it's a flame or whatever.