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What to do when she's being monopolized

Stuffy Nose

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This is a major problem for me that's potentially kept me from making good impressions, or even good conversation.


Here's the situation:


I'm sitting at a table with a girl I'm interested in, but about five of her close friends are also there. (I'm sitting next to her) At first conversation is good, eye contact is good, and we constantly smile at each other. Then slowly, her friends start to talk to her, asking her stuff, making inside jokes. Pretty soon she's facing away from me, talking to her friends, and I'm sitting there, trying to get her attention back, but it's hard competing with so many people.


What do I do?


I'd like advice ASAP, because I'm going to get another chance today at dinnertime.


The backstory (for those interested):


I'm in college, and this girl is in my class. We're obviously interested in each other. In class there was always eye contact and smiling from accross the room, and we'd catch each other looking at one another when the other wasn't looking. (I was never able to sit with her because she always saved a seat up front for her friend next to her)


I called her up, asking for some help with something, and promised to do something for her in exchange (anything she wanted). She said "bring me my meals for the rest of the week." I took that to mean that she wanted me to eat with her, because that's a strange request (we have meal plans, so we can get as much food as we want, and she came down to the cafeteria anyway to eat).


Help me! I've finally come out of this shy guy shell, but now I'm facing these kinds of problems.

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When you sit down to eat, sit at a small, 2-person table so her friends don't have room to join & interrupt. But don't do it all the time; I'm sure she likes to see her friends too. Another suggestion: look at the food menu for a particular day, note out loud how unappetizing it sounds, say how much you'd like to go to such-n-such restaurant soon & invite her.

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I tried to make friends with her friends! I introduced myself, and so did they, then a little small talk, then they talked pretending I was'nt there.


This is the answer though. You must keep making an effort to be friendly with her friends. And don't tell them the "situation" either. Get to the point where you and a couple of her (and now your) friends have a conversation and she wants to join in, and she's yours.

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I don't know for a fact. All I know is that I'm seeing signs of interest.


Last night (while heavily medicated) I called her, and asked her to come and keep me company (I was on a stakeout as part of some game on campus), and she did come. We had a decent conversation, not the greatest, but it was friendly with lots of joking around, and (IMO) a lot of prolonged eye contact. I'm thinking this is a good thing?


I noticed she started getting cold, so I said "Screw the game, you're cold, let's go inside," so we did, and as she left she made some remark about me having to tell her about something some other time.


Also, I asked why she chose for the thing I do for her to be to bring her food, and she responded saying that she was avoiding someone, and she thought that was where she was most likely to run into that person. I asked for details, she said she'd rather not, and I left it alone.


I'm very rusty, and don't really know what to do next. I will see her at dinner tonight.

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I use to have this problem too. I was too busy trying to focus clearly on the girl I was interested in and talk to her only that I ignored her friends at the table. The key is to bring up interesting conversation topics that will include everyone at the table. Not only will this get everyone engaged but it will also show the girl and her friends that you are confident since you will be leading the conversation.


I understand you feel like you are being ignored, which is absolutely fair. Make sure you don't show your anger in front of her or friends this early on. Just keep trying and be friendly to her friends. If you strike conversation with them and show interest in their lives, you will be doing your job. You don't want her friends to think you are clingy, quiet or boring because as soon as the friends don't like you, it's trouble.

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Inject yourself into their conversation, offer your comment, opinion, or question from time to time, and always in an attempt to make them laugh. It'll be hard for the inside jokes but if you listen closely you should be able to pop in from time to time, and maybe even be the central fulcrum of the conversation by saying something interesting

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