elliepantz12 Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 It's been a year and a half since my then boyfriend of 8 years ended our relationship unexpectedly. "It's just not working out anymore" is the only explanation he gave as to why he was kicking me to the curb. I came to ENA for solace after the event and learned a lot from others who have had their hearts broken. I followed all of the "rules" regarding how to mend a broken heart and get over someone you loved. The only contact I've had with him in the past 1 1/2 years was within a month of the initial breakup, regarding an unpaid bill - and then when he called me about a year ago to tell me he was no longer going to pay for my health insurance (the only thing I asked of him until I got my own). I moved on with my life and worked very hard to get over him. I moved accross the country, I socialized with friends, I took up new hobbies, I bought a house - I did everything suggested by the wonderful people at ENA. It took a long time before I stopped crying over him and everything that no longer was - but I did it! About a year after the break-up, I decided it was time to start dating again. I went out on a few dates with a few different guys, but it was more for me to get my feet back into the dating pool. Then earlier this year I met a guy and there was chemistry! He and I have been officially going out since February and for the most part, everything is great! We have a really great time with each other and I could very well see myself spending the rest of my life with him... except for one thing: I'm not 100% over my ex. Apparently this is obvious to even my boyfriend, who mentioned it to me. I have tried to do everything to get over my ex for good - but it's like the last 10% just won't go away - and now it's like an elephant in the room with my new boyfriend. I know that my relationship with the Ex is over - and will never be again. I have accepted that. I have moved on. I realize what an a$$hole he was to me and that I deserve so much better. There is not a single reason that I should be holding onto anything of our past relationship - yet I can't let go of the last little bit. Is it possible that I can't let go of the last 10% because I never got answers or closure after 8 years? Should I call my ex and ask for the answers that have been missing for the past year and a half? How do I let go of the last part of him so that I am completely free to love someone else? ](*,) Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 No, don't contact him. Closure comes from within. Build your relationship with this new guy. Soon you'll see you had closure all along. Link to comment
testcase Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Yea I agree with IMAbadman. I think you really create closure and it seems you have done a good deal to move on and have come a far way. I think you should keep doing what your doing. 8 years is a long time and you are going to move at your own pace, you've come a far way in the time you have and if things are good with the new guy I would just continue to build that. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Is it possible that I can't let go of the last 10% because I never got answers or closure after 8 years? Should I call my ex and ask for the answers that have been missing for the past year and a half? How do I let go of the last part of him so that I am completely free to love someone else? ](*,) Actually, a year and a half isn't that long to get over a relationship of 8 years - but it will come with time. However, if you're waiting on your ex-partner to give you closure, you're in for an awfully long wait. If he couldn't give you answers at the time, he won't be able to give you answers now; even if he could, you obviously need more time to heal. Nothing he could say would really make a difference. Ironically, you're probably processing your grief and regret more quickly because you're in a good relationship now. It's easier to let go when we can see very clearly that something better is now available to us. Contacting your ex-partner would be like pulling off a scab - leave him in the past where he belongs! Link to comment
WindowTo Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 A year and a half is a short time to get over an 8 year relationship. Definitely DO NOT contact him for "closure". What closure? Do you really think that there is some explanation that he is going to have that you are going to stop and say: Hmm you know what that makes perfect sense and makes me totally content with the way things went and I agree 100% with the way you feel and the decisions you made so now I have no emotional baggage over being dumped because of your detailed explanation thanks!? You better think this one out fast, before your new guy starts to wonder why his presence is unable to banish thoughts of a past lover. Don't forget to use your head to lead you to good decisions for your heart. GL! Link to comment
sweetarts26 Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Can I ask you something? Is there anything he could possibly say that would give you "closure"? Seriously, I'm not trying to be smart. Is there anything in the world that he could say that would make it better for you? Link to comment
Eternalhope Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 No, don't contact him. Closure comes from within. I like this,and it's so true.Thank you,never looked at this this way Link to comment
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