sophia88 Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 So this has been a complicated relationship... My bf broke up withe me for someone else, we got back together because we both still loved each other (I know, I know, everyone thinks I'm stupid for letting him come back) We both were doing well at the beginning of the relationship. We weren't so attached to each other and we were still doing our own things. Then we started to hang out more, his home-life became more stressful and just the other day, he said he needed space. So, I am trying to give it to him, but he'll text me a few times during the day. Believe me, I want to give him space so I don't push him away. It's just really hard to not contact him when sometimes I get the fear that he's doing what he did to me before we broke up and he's just not telling me everything. I've asked him if he still wants me in his life, he says yes, but he seems confused on whether or not he wants me as his gf. He wants to move away and go to school in Washington, but I guess he feels like I'm holding him back from doing that. Buuuut, he did say that if he were to move to WA, he still would want to try a LDR. So I guess my question is, should I give him space and try to let this work or should I just end it myself because it seems (sometimes) like it's going to already? Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 He seems to want things all his way without having any consideration for your feelings. I would suggest telling him that while things are they way they are right now maybe it would be best to have no contact for a while tolet him get his head sorted out and decide what he actually wants. In the meantime you go out and have fun and don't put your life on hold for him. Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I think it also depends on what the 'family' reasons are for this - if it's something really serious like an illness which means he physically has to be around his family more then this may be genuine. Given his past though and his plans to move away, the signals are not very positive. Allow yourself some distance and fill your time elsewhere. Link to comment
nem69 Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Does seem a little one sided the way he is thinking. He should be taking your feelings and needs in to consideration. Link to comment
sophia88 Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 I'm just so confused, when we got back together, he said that I was the right person for him in his life at this stage in life. So has that stage transitioned already and he is now moving on to the next one without me? That was a mere 3 months ago. How could he just change his mind? His family situation is that he gets a lot of pressure from his dad about making decisions about his future, his mom is very rude to him and his brother is in the hospital recovering from a four-wheeling accident. (my bf was more pissed off at his brother about the accident than scared, his brother came back home to live at home after being in rehab and he can't stand his brother) And he said that sometimes having a gf is stressful too. So i don't know what to think! He said that he enjoyed us as a couple when we weren't so attached and dependent on each other, and I did too. So that's why i'm trying to give him space, it's just difficult because I feel like I have been reduced to a nothing to him... Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Difficult one. You are doing the right thing in giving him space, but don't expect him necessarily to be there at the other side for you. If you totally ease off anything that he might consider as 'pressure' he will perhaps understand how tolerant and caring you have been in the circumstances. But if you are feeling that it's particularly hard to cope, it might be best for you to tell him you're there for him if he needs you but then cease contact. After all, you deserve 50% of the consideration in any relationship. Take care Link to comment
CJ_love Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Sorry to hear about your situation... It's unfortunately going to be tough no matter what... Anyway, you really do need to give him some space and just let it be... I know that sounds hard to do but it's the reality. If you become needy it's only going to push him away from you. People are naturally attracted to things that they can't seem to get too easily... It's a weird psychological thing but the best thing you can do is just say OK and accept it and see what happens. More likely than not he'll come back to you for the sheer fact that you are making it too easy for him to get some space and he'll get curious. Not to mention, if he really does love you and really does want you as part of his life... he'll come back... Hope that helps, --CJ Link to comment
sophia88 Posted April 18, 2009 Author Share Posted April 18, 2009 Well I hope I didn't make a huge mistake but we saw each other at school and I asked if he thought this relationship was worth fighting for and he didn't answer. He hurt me so bad the first time we broke up and I felt that he wasn't there emotionally after we got back together. He then tells me he's afraid of commitment, but after being together for 2 years and he's afraid to commit? That doesn't exactly match up to me... So ulitmately I felt that I needed to end it because he wasn't sure how he felt about us but deep down I knew he was ready to be single and free he just didn't want to hurt me, I guess. I think we both agree that it's time for the both of us to move on. I'm just confused bc he came back to me after the first breakup saying how right I was for him and how much he loved me. Then two months later he changes his mind and closes the door on everything and everyone around him. I wish I could have the strength to stay and help him but he doesn't want that from me, I guess he feels he can fix things on his own. Link to comment
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