I broke NC and sent a Note!! Any advice? Im very upset :(

[Just Me85]

So on Tuesday I caved when I was having a clearout and found some DVDs belonging to the ex. We ended on rather bad terms over a month ago and I hadnt heard anything for over two weeks, the last thing he ever said was that he hates me

 

I still love him with all my heart and I messed up badly in the relationship and I really really just want him back. I know I should have gone much longer before trying to initiate contact but when I found the DVDs I decided to go post them through his door.

 

I tried calling him beforehand because I thought it would have been better to give them to him in person but he rejected the call straight away so I just posted them through his door.

 

The letter roughly along the lines of:

(Name),

 

I found these DVDs when I was having a clearout and thought you would want them back. I really hope you have been okay.

 

I miss you a lot but I understand that you cant talk to me for the time being. I am always here for you, and if you change your mind Ill be waiting. I care about you and you were always more than just a boyfriend to me.

 

I dont know why, but even after everything thats happened, even though you hate me, my heart is telling me to hold on, even if just for a little while longer and I believe there must be a reason for that.

 

Im sorry if I upset you by trying to call, I just wanted to give them to you in person and I felt like if I didnt at least try I would regret it.

 

You know where I am if you need me or want to go for a coffee someday.

 

(My name)

 

Big mistake? Ive gone back to NC and I have not received any kind of response although its only been 2 days. I felt like I needed to do it as it gave me a sense of control in the situation and now I know the ball is in his court and theres nothing more I can do.

 

Im worried Ive fluffed it up even more

 

Any advice? Yes I know Im a fool.

[jasav1]

You've done it now and don't be so hard on yourself, it's okay.

 

What you have told him is you're upset, you're there for him and you're sorry for the way things ended. This has obviously affected you and you miss him quite significantly.

 

You've put it all out there.

 

I'd stay with NC. He knows how you feel now and it's up to him to pursue. He knows where you are, your number etc. If he contacts you then get back in touch but don't act desperate or full on. Play it cool.

 

There's nothing more you can really do now. Unfortunately, you're waiting on him. But go NC and start telling yourself he's gone, get it out of your system, and who knows, maybe one day he will come back? And if he does, you'll be in a stronger place than this emotional one you're in right now to make the right decision for you guys. It's gonna hurt, I'm going through the same thing, but these things have a habit of sorting themselves out one way or the other. Just work on you and make yourself happier. It's all you can really do.

[pumpkinmoon]

Like the previous poster said, it's done now and you can't undo it. The fact that you ended on uch bad terms should deter you from making further contact in the future. Anything you do is just going to make it worse and lower his opinion of you even more.

[IMAbadman]

Sorry hun, break-ups hurt. Writing this letter was certainly not going to gain you any control over the situation. If anything it gave it away. It's a bit desperate and melodramatic.

 

I’d suggest you cease all other attempts at contact now. Let’s not make things worse. Just back-off and see where it goes from here.

[Just Me85]

What hurts the most is I know he loves me too and is just as heartbroken as I am but he is just so angry and the trust is gone.

 

I get really upset knowing how much we had going for us and how I was so stupid. The incident that broke us apart happened nearly 2 years ago, before we were officially an item but he asked me about it and I decided to tell the truth.

 

He thinks I have lied to him throughout the relationship and that I never really loved him which is BS, I find it very difficult to cope picturing my life without him in it.

 

The fact that he is so heartbroken has made him hate me, maybe its easier for him to cope this way so I know I have to leave him alone.

 

The situation is just so sad, its unlike other breakups because most of the time one person falls out of love with the other and it wasnt like this at all we made eachother so very happy

[pumpkinmoon]

You just have to give him time and let the dust settle. Maybe in the future you can have some kind of contact with him but right now all you can do is leave him alone as he has no desire to speak to you.

[Nick Lansing]

What you did is completely normal and understandable. I was in a similar situation (initiated the breakup by my behavior and saw the error of my ways too late!) and did more or less the same thing. I understand about NC, it's a powerful thing on secveral levels, but where you know you caused the breakup, I think it's appropriate to let them know how much they meant (mean) to you, and that you love them and miss them. But after that, it's much better to step the hell away. I know it's incredibly hard -- I'm going through it myself -- but it's for the best. As others have pointed out, respecting your ex's wishh for space is one of the best ways to show you love and respect them. Also, the ability to control oneself and to show restraint when necessary attractive and the corollary -- that it's deeply anattractive to show desperation and neediness - is just as true. You've let your feelings be known, in no uncertain terms, now leave him alone for at least 2-3 months. Work on yourself.

 

In my life, I've been dumped twice (not counting the current situation, in which I sort of initiated the brkup). Both times I begged and pleaded for weeks. It was only after I had given up completely (which took several months) that the dumper came back. i didn't take either back because I'd met someone better by then and moreover, because they both treated me with disrespect after they dumped me. Honestly, if they'd been kinder, I would have been more likely to reconcile... So the lesson to take from that is, be kind, accept responsibility, avoid recriminations, let the ex know how you feel, then -- painful as it is -- step away with dignity and self-respect. Let that letter be the last he hears from you for a long time.

 

The next several weeks will likely be hellish, if my example is any guide. Get through the crucible and you'll emerge a stronger and better person.