Mixed Signals

[amystar]

I met a guy through an online dating site about two months ago. It seemed like things were going pretty well. He indicated that he just recently came out of a relationship and wanted to take things slow and I didn’t mind, I did not want to rush into anything myself anyway.

 

The bottom line is, when we hung out (which was at least twice a week or so for the first month) we had a wonderful time. Two weeks ago, I ended up spending the night at his house. That was definitely a lot quicker than I like to move, but we seemed to have hit things off so I was comfortable with it. We had a great night together. Since then, it seems like things have changed quite a bit. He is giving me a lot of mixed signals. For a week he didn’t contact me as much as he used to. I used to get a phone call every day as well as several text messages throughout the day. That week after I slept over, I hardly heard from him at all. I tried initiating some contact myself and I got one word answers.

 

So I decided to not waste my time with him and move on, I figured that he was no longer interested. Two days later, he called and said that he wanted to get together. I figured this might be a good opportunity to tell him how I felt, so we went out to dinner that night and had a great time again. I told him how I felt and he just said that he had been very busy and also wanted to give me some space but that he was definitely still interested. So I think I made another mistake that night and slept with him again. And you may guess what happened next, I didn’t hear from him again. It’s been about 4 days now.

 

I’m not the most experienced person when it comes to these things and I’m not one to rush into intimacy with anyone usually (this is the first time I have done that). But I am looking for a lasting relationship and I’m guessing that this guy is only looking for sex. Once he got what he wanted, he backed off, would this be a valid assumption?

 

Even though I’m not extensively emotionally invested in this relationship, the situation still definitely hurt me. What should I do at this point? I know that he is eventually going to call me again. Should I just simply tell him that I don’t want to see him anymore or this even worth pursuing?

 

Thanks!

[winchester3]

I'd confront him about it during your next date. Push hard to get all of the truth out of him. And if you dont like what he has to say then walk out on the date, make a big stink about it and cut him off cold turky.

[agburns84]

Hi Amystar,

 

Certainly make sure you tackle this issue when you next see him, at least that way you would get some closure about it and you'd know for sure where you stood with him. It's very good that you aren't too extensively emotionally invested in this relationship, that shows very good strength on your part. Definitely let us know how you go next time you see him/talk to him, if he is only interested in one thing then it you will soon know. Good luck, but remember, as disappointing as the feeling may be, it's all experience and you can hold your head high. Mixed feelings are always frustrating, but it's a good thing you had your doubts when you did and that helped you from going in deeper. That was very wise of you. If your suspicions are right, you'll go out of this feeling stronger. Hope that helped.

 

Best wishes to you!

[amystar]

winchester,

 

Thanks for your response. I'm getting quite frustrated with him at this point. I confronted him the last time we got together and it seemed like he just told me exactly what I wanted to hear so I gave him another chance. Maybe I'll go out with him once more and if he pulls the same thing then I'm out.

[MinziGirl]

YEs, you are right. Either he was just looking for sex and using terms like a lasting relationship, in love... basic words which a wwoman likes to hear to get her guard down, or else he is hiding something away from you. (e.g: Another serious girlfriend or a wife)

 

These guys are experienced in playing the field. That was why i quitted online dating because the guys playing the field & the guys who are really seraching are 9:1. A lot of them are just out to get girls in the count & feel good when one stumbles upon them.

 

The best way to 'tackle' these guys is to give them the complete cold shoulder. Let them come chasing for you... You give in little. If they try their tricks to leave ou wanting for more, you leave with a nice note. It should be THEY wanting for more, not you... then you can sit back & enjoy the romance which these guys learned from experience already thru the internet.

 

Do it till they ask you to become their steady girlfriend... then hold back sex for another 2 months... the one that is able to hold it, change his identity status in ALL his online profile at once after getting a 'yes' to your constent for a steady relationship, treats you with complete respect meanwhile..... is then the winner.

 

Also, he should then minimise his online dating contacts or else get out of it altogether.

[amystar]

asburns,

 

Thanks for your positive response, it definitely made me feel better. As difficult as it is, I'm trying very hard to not let this situation impact me negatively. I did have a good time with him while it lasted and it's unfortunate that he is choosing the direction he is choosing if that may be the case, but there are other fish in the sea who hopefully won't be playing these games with me. I'll confront him one more time, at least it's all a learning experience even though it hurts.

[MinziGirl]

Hi Amystar,

 

Do you think it would help if you confront him? Maybe the confrontation is just feeding his already sick ego? You reaction would be the same as many nice girls in whom he had alredy dated.

 

This guy is only out to find his Ms. Perfect... and she doesn't exist. So, the more you want to contact him, the more he will 'disappear'.

 

Do you think it is worth it?

[amystar]

MinziGirl,

 

You are amazing. That is some great insight and I definitely thought about that as well. I did already try confronting him once, I highly doubt that confronting him again would help, especially if he is just "playing" me. Maybe I should just cut him off for a while and see what happens. I'm taking a trip to Vegas with my girlfriends this weekend and he is leaving on a week-long vacation with some "friends" after that, it might be a good time to cut him off.

[MinziGirl]

yeah... in any case, your girlfriends are who you have for real life... If this guy is interested in you, he will do something to keep in contact.

 

If he is in pursuit for Ms. Right or living in dreamland with her, let him continue to do so... his loss, not yours. You have a real life, not a fantasy.

 

Keep dating other men....

[agburns84]

Hey again Amystar,

 

I think Minzigirl said it best, if he's interested in you properly, he will probably let you know in some way at some point. If not, it would be a good idea to write him off. Either way, don't feel too bad about it. Most importantly of all, have a blast in Vegas this weekend with your girlfriends, that sounds like it'll be awesome fun! Have a great trip.

[Midgi]

Hey Amy,

 

I am in a similar position where the guy first shows lots of interest and then seems to have disappeard of the face of the earth!

I did confront him about wheather he is phasing me out, and he denied it quite strongly... but then after that guess what? He disappeard!

 

I there is no way for us to guess what they are thinking! The bottomline is if he is interested he will call. Actions speak louder than words and all you can do is not let it take over your life!

 

So yes, I would try to break contact with him for the moment and see if he calls.

[fatcat1999]

I like this thread, OP, you've a good attitude!

life is too short to waste on someone who makes you feel bad. I'm sure there're plenty of guys who's willing to cherish you!