I wish I didn't feel anything...

[Trolloc63]

And yet another day in the pathetic life of Joe. After microbiology class I head over to Old Chicago to get a burger. I lay all my stuff out and do a little studying. And then it happens, like it always happens. My waitress is a hot blond chick named Courtney. We make conversation back and fourth, nothing special. You see I have no problem making general conversation. And usually it’s the waiter/waitresses job to be friendly so they can get a big tip. But as the conversation goes on I’m getting the feeling that perhaps this is more than just conversation.

 

At one point while I’m waiting for my food she sits down at my table and we talk about school and studying and such. To our surprise was have been in similar classes and she understand some of the stuff I’m studying on protein synthesis. Something seems to be going on here; it seems more than just conversation. But what the heck do I know, maybe that’s just how she is, maybe she wants a big tip. The anticipation builds as I wonder how this will turn out.

 

But then I already know the answer to that question, and I knew it before I left Old Chicago. The answer is always the same, the same because of who and what I am. I would eat dinner, pay, say thanks, and leave the restaurant and go home. And on the way home I would be severely depressed and want to kill myself because of me being such a fat ugly loser with no spine whatsoever. So much so that my only release is posting on this site. Now maybe I’m getting used to being alone, but for some reason I’m not all that upset this time. But it is yet another constant reminder of how I’ll be single forever and it’s my own fault. Forget about women picking up on men, cause it will never happen to me.

 

Honestly I wish I didn’t feel anything anymore. I wish women would stop talking to me and just ignore me. Then I wouldn’t have a constant reminder of “what if”, and then be reminded of “never going to happen”. What a vicious cycle it is. I am powerless to stop it. Flame me if you may, but some on this board know what this is like. Trapped in a cycle of fear and depression. I don’t want to feel anything anymore.

[JustBeachy]

I was like you a long time ago. Know how I fixed it? I got some guts and just started asking out girls left and right. Boy, was I shot down a lot! It got to the point though that I didn't care. People used to tell me that the worst thing a girl can say is no. I finally understood it. If she said no, I moved on to the next one. I might get shot down 9 times out of a 10 on some nights at a club when I ask girls to dance, but that 10th girl will dance with me all night and we'll have fun. There are tons of women out there. Being turned down by one woman isn't the end of the world and you have to understand that. You have to exert confidence too, even if it's a fake confidence. Women LOVE confidence in a guy. You have to get over it and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Change your attitude and things will definitely begin to look up. You won't have to wonder "what if" anymore.

[bostonbruins24]

Go back to get another burger .I don't think a waitress who would actually sit down at your table to converse is going to be shocked that you might begin to think she could be interested.It sounds like you have enough common interests and did develop a good rapport with her after only one conversation.

[Trolloc63]

Its easy for you to talk some smack and say stop feeling sorry for myself. I'm not feeling sorry for myself per se, I guess I just have issues. I would'nt exactly call myself a normal guy either, more of an emotional cripple.

 

What comes easy for you comes very difficult for me. Big crowds give me anxiety, extreme anxiety when being singled out in the middle of class. So its not so easy as just get over it.

 

Now that being said, if she would have given me a lot more interest, and possibly got the ball rolling, I would have went for it. But when I dont know for sure I just dont bother. And your not the one who goes home crying every time this happens and wanting to kill yourself, ok?

[CynicalGuitarist]

Its easy for you to talk some smack and say stop feeling sorry for myself. I'm not feeling sorry for myself per se, I guess I just have issues. I would'nt exactly call myself a normal guy either, more of an emotional cripple.

 

What comes easy for you comes very difficult for me. Big crowds give me anxiety, extreme anxiety when being singled out in the middle of class. So its not so easy as just get over it.

 

Now that being said, if she would have given me a lot more interest, and possibly got the ball rolling, I would have went for it. But when I dont know for sure I just dont bother. And your not the one who goes home crying every time this happens and wanting to kill yourself, ok?

 

You're not the only one either. I don't feel anything anymore, or moreover, feel almost nothing. Let me tell you, it's not pretty. Some things are just more difficult for others than to some; that's life. I'm sorry you're going through all this; I wish I could be like a date genie of some sort and magically help all my friends out there who are/have experience(d) unrequited love and missed opportunities.

 

At least you're smart; I'd KILL to be smart enough to do stuff like molecular biology.

[DaBladeRoden]

We should trade lives, I sure don't get no Old Chicago waitresses (and they are nice waitresses) sitting down at my table.

[Trolloc63]

It seems more like i'm personally being tortured. They are not constantly around, but around just enough to give me a gut check every once and a while.

[diabolik]

Its easy for you to talk some smack and say stop feeling sorry for myself.

JustBeachy isn't talking smack. He's relating his experiences and what he did to overcome his issue. Frankly, I think it's a little rude to reply to his attempt to help by referring to it as him talking smack.

 

I'm not feeling sorry for myself per se, I guess I just have issues. I would'nt exactly call myself a normal guy either, more of an emotional cripple. What comes easy for you comes very difficult for me. Big crowds give me anxiety, extreme anxiety when being singled out in the middle of class. So its not so easy as just get over it.

Have you been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder?

 

OK, so let's say that you have more social anxiety than the average guy. What are your options? Is avoiding social interaction going to make things any better? As for suicide, seems to me that if you have the balls to jump off a building or cut your wrists, then you definitely have the balls to ask a girl if she wants to join you for some coffee or a drink.

 

You are imagining unrealistic scenarios - the girl at the burger joint isn't going to laugh at you or scream out loud "this loser just asked me out". Worst case scenario, she says she's not interested. So you ask another girl.

 

One of my close friends has SAD (yes, diagnosed). Never been in a relationship. Like you, afraid of all social situations, and terrified of women. He impressed the hell out of me when he signed up for a speed dating event. He met and talked to 12 women in one evening, which is more women than he's talked to in his entire life up to that point. Not one expressed interest. He manned up and did it again. As he keeps pushing his comfort zone, his confidence grows, and confidence will do more for a guy than a 10" penis (though the latter wouldn't hurt

 

Now that being said, if she would have given me a lot more interest, and possibly got the ball rolling, I would have went for it. But when I dont know for sure I just dont bother. And your not the one who goes home crying every time this happens and wanting to kill yourself, ok?

She's a waitress at a restaurant and she came and sat at your table - how much more interest would you like her to show? And why should she be the only one showing interest?

[dr_styles]

Hey Trolloc for some reason I keep thinking of just saying "tough luck" to ya.

 

I can definitely relate to those feelings. Haven't seen many of your posts/threads so I'll do the basic re-intro of myself. Basically one of the few guys here who have never done this-or-that with a girl, and in entire life never been attractive to a girl. So similarly when it comes to "service workers" I would always think they are just doing their job and/or just a generally outgoing person up for a chat. What happened with you (sitting down) was definitely different though I'll admit.

 

But yeah don't knock yourself too much about it ... ? At the time it's just seems like the safest thing to do. Just recently I was up paying my meal at a restaurant and after the general "how was it?" question/comment she asked me if I worked around here (it was lunch on a weekday). And just like you, even something so simple (heh no sitting down here) caught me off guard and got me thinking, even though deep down I knew it'd be "pay, say thanks, and leave the restaurant and go home."

 

At least you can always go back and see if things are any different.

[JustBeachy]

Its easy for you to talk some smack and say stop feeling sorry for myself. I'm not feeling sorry for myself per se, I guess I just have issues. I would'nt exactly call myself a normal guy either, more of an emotional cripple.

 

What comes easy for you comes very difficult for me. Big crowds give me anxiety, extreme anxiety when being singled out in the middle of class. So its not so easy as just get over it.

 

Now that being said, if she would have given me a lot more interest, and possibly got the ball rolling, I would have went for it. But when I dont know for sure I just dont bother. And your not the one who goes home crying every time this happens and wanting to kill yourself, ok?

 

 

You can take my advice for whatever you think it's worth, and if you think it's talking smack, then so be it. You don't have to try to help yourself and you can continue feeling sorry for yourself. I was trying to help, so don't give me crap for that. You're in your current position because your attitude stinks and I'm beginning to think you are the way you are because of the way you responded to me. I no longer feel bad for you. Turn on me, I turn on you.

[Ftheworld]

Wow dude, I know EXACTLY how you feel. After so much rejection and disappointment, you cannot help but lose all hope. It's impossible to keep believing you will eventually meet someone when it never works out. I've come to a point where I simply do not care anymore. I've replaced my sadness and depression with anger.

 

Similar situation - there is this one girl who works at a coffee shop I go into everyday before work. This woman is gorgeous. She looks like Jennifer Aniston. Blonde, blue eyes, perfect body, friendly and funny personality. And to torture me, she gives me signs she might like me. For example, she gives me free coffee and breakfast. She even comes from behind me and playfully pushes me or pinches me when she sees me. She makes it seem like she's so happy to see me. Just stupid * * * * that would make one think she might like you. But I'm not falling for it anymore. It's always some big game and disappointment. It's like you're this ego boost for them. "Gee let me flirt with this loser and make him like me!! He'll be nice to me and I'll feel so much better about myself!!" I freaking hate women like this!!!! If you're not interested in me, why the hell are you talking to me and being nice to me and wasting my time?? Argh!!!

[shyperson]

I'm not feeling sorry for myself per se, I guess I just have issues. I would'nt exactly call myself a normal guy either, more of an emotional cripple.

 

yeah, i don't think you don't feel sorry for yourself, per se. you're more like wallowing in a sea of self-pity, especially how you got highly defensive from what JustBeachy said.

 

you know what would work for you? antidepressant pills. hell, even a beta blocker would give you the edge when talk to that waitress chick.

[Jake]

Trolloc63 I was in the exact situation as you are now and I wanted to stop feeling.

 

To warn you if you keep continuing with this kind of thought process you'll eventually end up angry and bitter inside (so you'll still be feeling, only worse stuff). You'll be like a ghost on campus with not a single women giving you any attention AT ALL.

 

Don't do this. I'm that person and trust me, I don't recommend it.

 

Things will only get better if you take control and do something about your situation.

 

Granted though I shouldn't be one to talk and give advice.

 

Trolloc63 in my head I consider myself to be smart, funny, talkative, outgoing, nice, honest, and dorky kind of guy. But when I am around women; where I am so horrible at expressing my feelings for risk of being hurt I lose ALL my confidence and self estheem. If I could invent a cure/potion/med that could give me the confidence I need IN this ONE area of my life I'd do it...

[thejigsup]

Women aren't hateful when you think they are flirting with you, we are being NICE! We do this different than men do, it's how we are. Heck, we hug our female friends constantly! It's not the woman's fault you guys read this wrong! We females are just normally affectionate with people we like. But it doesn't mean we want to date you, we act completely different if we like you in that way. As far as the poster goes, I think she really likes you. Keep going back and casually ask her for coffee one day. I'll bet she says "yes".

[Roberto34]

Women aren't hateful when you think they are flirting with you, we are being NICE! We do this different than men do, it's how we are. Heck, we hug our female friends constantly! It's not the woman's fault you guys read this wrong! We females are just normally affectionate with people we like. But it doesn't mean we want to date you, we act completely different if we like you in that way. As far as the poster goes, I think she really likes you. Keep going back and casually ask her for coffee one day. I'll bet she says "yes".

 

OK, how do you act when you like someone??

 

You say that you're naturally flirty and all that, and it's the guy's fault when we take it the wrong way, LMFAO.

 

Yet now you say that he should go back based on these exact signals of when you're "just being friendly?"

 

LMFAO...

[diabolik]

OK, how do you act when you like someone??

 

You say that you're naturally flirty and all that, and it's the guy's fault when we take it the wrong way, LMFAO.

 

Yet now you say that he should go back based on these exact signals of when you're "just being friendly?"

 

LMFAO...

That bitterness isn't going to get you very far with women.

[quiet_guy]

First of all it sounds like she is out of your league. It sucks, but that's the way things are. It's hard but you are probably best off to forget her. If she says yes, then she says yes. If she says no, I wouldn't dwell on it.

 

Your problem isn't that some girl doesn't like you. Your problem is that you don't like you. You can't be that bad. As the old saying goes, you have to love yourself first.

[somethngwrng]

If you think you're a big fat ugly loser, then get in shape and make yourself look nice. Easier said than done, but of course, nothing in life worth having is ever easy. Life isn't fair, some people don't know how easy they have it - but there's no point in feeling sorry for yourself because other people have what you don't.

 

I know where you're coming from, and I don't think I'm fat or ugly. Women just aren't interested in me. *shrugs*

[Trolloc63]

I would like to thank everyone who posted. I enjoy getting a variety of viewpoints about myself. I will do my best not to post on here anymore and encourage the wrath of the posters. I will suffer all further rejection on the inside.

 

 

[dr_styles]

First of all it sounds like she is out of your league. It sucks, but that's the way things are. It's hard but you are probably best off to forget her. If she says yes, then she says yes. If she says no, I wouldn't dwell on it.

 

For shy people pulling the trigger and asking feels like their ultimate act (including me, sad 'eh?) and if it wasn't hard enough already, if he's a regular at the restaurant; maybe, maybe not, then it's harder because you'll be back ...

[diabolik]

I will do my best not to post on here anymore and encourage the wrath of the posters. I will suffer all further rejection on the inside.

Yeah, that sounds much healthier.

[Roberto34]

That bitterness isn't going to get you very far with women.

 

That know-it-all attitude won't get you far period...

 

Who says I'm bitter about anything?? LMFAO.

[tastytoothpaste]

I would like to thank everyone who posted. I enjoy getting a variety of viewpoints about myself. I will do my best not to post on here anymore and encourage the wrath of the posters. I will suffer all further rejection on the inside.

 

 

 

No one on here is gonna be mean just to be mean. In fact, nothing that was said on here was mean at all. It's just a tough love kind of approach. Some people want to be coddled and told that you don't have to change at all and everything will turn out just great. But that's just not the case. It's so much easier to tell someone what they want to hear than to tell them the truth that they don't want to hear.

 

The fact that this thread has made it to the third page already should tell you something--you're not the only one like this and people are trying to help you. No one's out to get you. The moment no one responds to your threads at all and no one cares enough about you to bother is the moment you should be worried.

 

Don't get so angry and defensive. It makes people not want to help you. So many people on here have a lot of insight and you should utilize it, not reject it and shut down.

[tastytoothpaste]

Oops I didn't realize this was so old. I hate when people dig up old threads lol my bad.

[CluelessGuy321]

Honestly, all of that you described doesn't matter. The issue is the overthinking, over feeling, and over sensitivity.

 

I've got a good looking suave and social friend who has a hard time meeting women. I have a friends who are hairy weird looking and geeky to the Nth degree who meets lots of women.

 

The difference between them is that the social guy is too shy to ask a girl he likes out or even just approaching women. My geeky friend, on the other hand, has no problems meeting women and getting rejected. Sometimes in the worst ways. He shrugs it off and moves on.

 

It's all a numbers game. Just one big fat stinkin' numbers game.

 

So I guess the real secret is to just go up to women and hit on them and try to have fun while doing it. If they shoo you away, smack you, ignore you, or just politely decline just move on to the next one.