Saying "I Love You"...should I?

[abitbroken]

Hi Gang,

 

I am sure you have read this question many times before. Okay...I won't ask the question but will lead up to it...

 

When is it okay to say "I Love You" for the first time, and is it okay for the gal to say it? By the way, I am not new at the relationship thing. We are both in our late 30s. I haven't had many, but I just feel that this one is special and don't want to screw things up.

 

I am divorced from a man who stopped loving me along the way. I wasn't looking for anyone and didn't expect anything, but have met someone I consider very special. We are taking things slow, even though the connection is very strong. We have a common list of "things we love the most" in life, but more importantly, we just seem to "fit". He is a patient and kind man with good family values, and we just crack eachother up, too.

 

I have also made sure to let him him pursue me first. He asked me out first, called me the day after, and initiated pretty much everything. In my last relationship, I basically did all the work so to make sure the next guy was 'for real' i was going to be sure to sit back a little and make sure the attraction from him was real and not imagined. I was glad I did! Every day we are together seems like such a gift, and he is someone that just makes me smile everytime he enters a room.

 

We took the step of him joining my family for Easter, and even my relatives observed how special he is/or we are together. No, none of that "can't keep hands off eachother" stuff, but the sort of looks we give eachother like we have our own inside jokes, and general kindness and care he shows me is apparent. Opening doors for me, and even when I was sort of the "host" because it was my family, and it would have been right for me to wait on him, he insisted that I sit down and he went to get me drinks, etc, seconds, etc, even if he had to figure out where things were. I have also met his family as well.

 

Anyway, it is apparent we both feel a real connection here. He has even said things like that it might possibly be that we were made for eachother and other little things like, "i love THIS about you, or i love when you do that..." He is even seeming to talk about future plans as far as stuff happening in a few weeks, a few months, etc. but hasn't said the exact "three little words" yet.

 

I almost said it a few days ago, but caught myself. I do kind of joke to him that he better be careful or who knows what will come out of my mouth, and he seemed eager to hear about what that was....

 

I think I have read too many Cosmo magazine quizzes or whatever that sort of tell me that I as the woman am not supposed to say it first and if a guy is not ready he won't say it. So I guess that is why it makes me nervous. This is not a race of course. But in the 4 days in between when we see eachother again (don't see eachother midweek because of our prospective work schedules), I have been a little bit of a basketcase about it and I know that it can be worse that way when you are nervous - it can actually serve the purpose of pushing people away. The nervousness is not "will he or won't he" but getting up the nerve to say it myself.

 

Anyway, do you have any advice for me? Should I simmer down and just be patient or should I say something?

[greywolf]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. True love overcomes pride (and the whole 'who is gonna say it first?' really is just about pride)

[abitbroken]

Yeah, I feel pretty dumb about it. I guess it is because i have never felt the whole "butterflies in my stomach" thing over anyone else I have ever dated (or heck, been married to) before.

 

The only other plan in my bag is to do some major hinting of my own and just hopes he says it.

 

Really, i don't know "the rules"

 

But i guess you are right, I am nervous over nothing.

[alice1485]

Hmm, I've always been against the idea of women saying "I love you" first. The truth is that men develop emotional connections much later than women - that's a psychological fact. So a woman saying it first could scare the man off if he doesn't yet feel the same way emotionally.

 

I say, wait 'til he says it. In the meantime, you can show him you love him through your actions or behavior.

[greywolf]

Hmm, I've always been against the idea of women saying "I love you" first. The truth is that men develop emotional connections much later than women - that's a psychological fact. So a woman saying it first could scare the man off if he doesn't yet feel the same way emotionally.

 

I say, wait 'til he says it. In the meantime, you can show him you love him through your actions or behavior.

 

I dunno.... It's always been the opposite for me.

[abitbroken]

Well...i was with someone once who "took it back".

 

I dunno...he has been really hinting around and I don't know how to respond. He talks about what he likes to do with someone he loves and said to me kind of in a kidding way that "he's pretty close to finding her" and looking at me and giving me a wink.

 

And stupid me said "really?" instead of saying i am close to finding that person too.

 

Did i screw up? he didn't come out and say the exact three words. But i just feel like either he is close to saying it or wanting me to say it.

 

Just so nervous...i don't want to screw it up.

 

I usually err on the side of Alice. But i feel like i am sitting on my hands and too eager. But i am good at playing it cool a little too much. The first guy who ever said it to me, I couldn't reciprocate for awhile. The second guy said it first, but took it back a few months later when we were making an LDR georgaphically close because he got scared., but I was ready. Now I am SO ready but don't want to mess up because he seems like he could be close to being "the one."

[abitbroken]

I took the plunge and it went very well I am glad that I spoke up. Thanks for all the input!

[greywolf]

good for you