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My story: Welcoming Some Breakup Advice


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Hi Everyone.

 

I'm really impressed by the level of maturity shown at this forum - so I thought why not add my little story to the melting pot?! It looks like many of you get really constructive, supportive, feedback from doing just that!

 

My relationship of nearly eight months ended three and a half weeks ago. I feel so sad and let-down. She and me got together through internet dating, the attraction was instant and the conversations could go on for hours at a time. We laughed loads and were always trying to find time for one another. We had some major issues - she got pregnant and we settled on abortion as a joint decision - which I tried my utmost best to be there for her although I know I could never, as a fella, really understand what that must have been like for her. There was something else which was a big deal but again I was there and didn't run away and gave my best. I was in a good job, travelling plenty on good money with a nice company vehicle and we would see the country together to do lots of nice and naughty things together.

 

We fell in love. We both got on well with one another's families and she told me I was the one boyfriend they had really taken to, which was a great compliment at the time - got on with the friends well too. She said that one day we would have the best of everything together because she knew we would make it, she told me about the children we would have one day and how she saw our marriage entire future together - that she had never felt this way about anyone before.

 

My job was made redundant at the end of January and although I had been trying to let her know this was a distinct possibility beforehand she had told me not to worry and that we would get through it like the other things. I know it got me down some after the inevitable happened but not to the point of being deppressed about it or anything but I guess I wanted that little bit more reassuring. I know that situation will change in time and have faith to work it out and felt she knew that. Not having a car after the redundancy was deflating as I have had other things I needed money for but she said no worries I ferried her about in style so she would return the favour, I thought of how lucky I was that there was this person who would stick with me through this period.

 

Man, all I can say is she suddenly stopped being so affectionate towards me, I mean the sex seemed to stop. We started having arguments. This happened after a period of her throwing herself at me when we were leaving a pub one night and always sending me sexy txts. I was baffled and asked her about it - great big row ensued because apparently I didn't understand she was just tired. Then she stopped contacting me as much, and I put alot of it down to her part-time studies (she had big exams). I left her to it for a week - then she started to break plans we had made and we split up on the phone on mother's day with her crying and bawling she didn't know what she wanted - she said she had lost faith in me but couldn't really say why.

 

I have got to admit again I felt pretty cut up but didn't beg her or anything. She met me to give back some things of mine, and we went to the cinema at her suggestion. I had bought her some little cheap presents to make her laugh and saw that lovely smile of hers again. Just because I knew I could make her feel good. Afterwards we had a talk in her car and I just explained I wanted her and loved her and would always be improving myself and that the last week had taught me alot and we would be fine if we forgave one another. She wouldn't really look at me and I saw a tear roll down her cheek as she told me she didn't know what she wanted apart from space and maybe she was better off on her own. oh, and we could be friends. I kissed her face and left for home feeling like I'd been kicked in the groin.

 

So she tells me by text, she doesn't want us out of one another's lives and that this isn't because she doesn't love me. Then in another she thinks she's making a terrible decision because she's devasted but part of her is telling her it is the right thing to do. That she is confused. We kept in contact for about another week, where we would be funny and light, she told me she booked herself a holiday abroad for six days and asked me about my plans. While I told her what I had lined up after the split I mentioned it probably wouldn't appeal to her and then ignored her reply. That was nearly two weeks ago.

 

I've gone NC and I'm sticking with it. She said she wanted space, I can give her that I guess, so being friends ought not to come into it - right? I mean that involves contact! Sort of felt like she was trying to make herself feel better by being nice after being so horrible to me.

 

Even though I felt so let down and disappointed in her. As do my friends and family. I thought she was the one.

 

I miss her. I do feel love for her right now.

 

 

I am trying to get over her rather than 'get her back' but right now would consider it if she were to call. I'm still out of work but I've enrolled at the local gym and started swimming aswell as sticking with my rugby on weekends. I've got heavilly into playing music and trying to be with family and the people that like me.

 

It's hard as I still think about her every morning, she crops up in dreams I've had and now and again through the days. ](*,)

 

I would love to just call and talk about stuff. Why did this happen? What is she thinking? Am I doing the right thing?

 

Does it have to be this way?

 

I'd love to hear your opinions thank you for taking the time to read this.

 

P.S. It felt good to write this stuff down and put it out there. Thanks again.

 

Peace.

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You are doing the right thing. The bad feeling comes mostly from the change and due the fact that of course when people get deeply involved with eachother there builds up certain addiction to eachother. You are dealing with both of these things. They will pass. Being out of contact is now the way to go. With some time you will start thinking clearly again and can do decissions much better then. There is absolutely no need to hang onto person which doesnt clearly know what she wants. I know this sounds corny but leave your life into hands of faith for now. Everything happens for a reason and if it meant to be you will be together again. But if it's not then you have atleast (hopefully) learnt alot from this.

 

Either way. You cannot lose anything. You relationship status is now just forming into what it will be. There is nothing to be affraid of. It is competely normal to feel that way.

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Wow-I hate to say this, but I can't help but think at least some of this has to do with you losing your job. Women seem to have this thing about men being a good provider, even these days, with women becoming more equal in the workplace.

 

I am not that type--I'm self-sufficient and independently financially stable-but I do know some women who might drop a guy who's just lost his job for this reason. It's harsh, especially when that's the time when the guy needs support the most.

 

If she is this type, you are probably better off looking for someone who doesn't place so much importance on financial stability. I bet you will get back on your feet, and THEN she will want you back. The question is, will you want HER, after she failed to stand by you??

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Thanks Deity. Fate has a funny way of working things out, but I agree they will work out.

 

And I agree Sandrawg. When I get back to where I want to be, career wise, would I consider her a suitable partner again? I don't know if I really could rely on her to be there when times are tough. That would be a tough decision.

 

She said she didn't want to be with someone who "sees life as a struggle", I always thought the best things in life don't come easy and you have to strive for them, struggle like! Those things are hard but rewarding, they are worth the effort I think.

 

I told her a while back she was finding out about the real world when she wasn't getting her own way with stuff. You would think a 24 yr old would be a bit less naive, but her family did say she can act like a princess so I was obviously overlooking that aspect of her personality.

 

NC too, I can do this.

 

I've just got to prove it to myself I'm going to be better than before - and hell, if she can't cope with some ups and downs then whatever. I know the next relationship, and there's no rush, will be better again because of my experiences.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Yes well. Was on facebook. She's posted her holiday photos while I was online. Seems like it was ex-boyfriend central. She looks good. And he is obviously enjoying draping himself over her. Great.

 

Funny how she said she would never go back to an ex. Ha.

 

I want to ask her: "Is that the guy how gave you chlamydia before you met me????"

 

And obviously she shouldn't be missing sex so much now.

 

I would love to hurt her somehow, shallow, feckless btch.

 

My life is stalled still. I haven't got the job I want yet, the finance i need for my car hasn't come through yet....F'ck. She just swaned off and left me when times got tougher. I hope she enjoyed her "favorite place"

 

AAArggh.

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Hey Dante,

 

She sounds like a right gold digger! I think she fell in love with the lifestyle you provided her rather than the yourself. I know exactly how damaging it feels to be used and it's even more painful when she is out and about enjoying her life

 

Mate, you need to delete her off facebook, seeing and hearing about her life is gonna do you no favours.

 

Stick to NC and you will feel better.

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Dude, so sorry! what a * * * * * .

 

go NC and leave her be...onward and upward...would you really want that back? how could you possibly trust her again?

 

no way...

 

i'm so sorry...but better to learn now than later.. YOU WILL get another job, get back on your feet and be a better man because of this...in time...you'll see...keep that chin up!

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When things change so suddenly and without apparent reasons, it's always because there's someone else. I think this ex showed up while you two were still together and that he is the reason why she felt "confused", blah blah and all that BS.

 

Stick to No Contact, my friend, and have faith: things will get better. Best wishes!

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'm crushed. Notice some new photos of her and her new boy. I deleted her from fb to no avail. He's younger than her so I suppose she's got someone she can push about now.

 

It hurts to see her looking good. It hurts to see her happy. It hurts to see him drapped over her.

 

She didn't remember to say hi for my birthday.

 

Not that I expected her to.

 

These last few weeks have been so tough being unemployed and getting rejection from so many places. I want to congratulate her on a good job. I hate that I ever gave my love away to her.

 

I feel like I just died inside.

 

I kinda want to die.

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Don't do anything drastic. I know it hurts, my fiance left me after 6 years of a relationship and 8 as friends saying he doesnt love me anymore and that was only 2 weeks ago. Im still in a lot of pain. I dont even know if he cheated on me but some cozy pics of him and some chick showed up. FYI, he just got back from spending 3 years in law school 2,000 miles away. I sat here being faithfull and supportive to him while he had some stupid chick sitting on his lap. Bitter? yes probably.

 

I would just sit back right now and believe in faith. I know thats hard to do, im not a very spiritual person myself. Just live your life. Everything happens for a reason. And on the job thing, I just spent the last year temping and never knowing how long a job would last. I was making very little money. The only thing I could do was keep trying and hope that someone would hire me on. Well about a month ago I did get hired on at a fantastic company. the other places I worked were nothing in comparison. It just goes to show that everything happens for a reason, although you might not see it right away. I sure not seeing it now with this recent breakup. I have no idea why this happened but sooner or later I wll find out. Sounds painfull waiting, yes. ](*,) Try to keep as busy as you can. I know its hard to get out of bed but its better than laying around wondering about everything.

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