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Don't want her back, but still miss her.


Deity

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Does my situation make any sense? I've long forgotten and gotten over any thoughts of us being in a relationship but I still miss her. I know for a fact that there are no bad feelings between us and both are doing fine. We are still in NC mode and that doesn't really bother me. There is nothing to say at the moment.

 

However It's really hard for me to understand what I miss about her. It is the friendship where everything started or do I have some hidden agenda that I can't see yet.

 

Has anyone felt the same? Have accepted the solution, i can actually embrace it now, but still dont want to completely drop that person out of own life. I mean why should I? We both enjoyed talking about everything and had a connection there. And at the breakup we didint insult eachother (atleast not too much) and both have apologized for anything that hurt other. Neither of us did anything wrong, it just wasn't meant to be and im cool with that.

 

Is it even possible to have a break up and be cool and not angry to the other person? This is my first experience of things ending that nicely without swearing eternal hatred and other childish stuff.

 

Sure there were feelings of both negative and positive sides right after the decission but they are gone now. There is only left the caring that wont make me feel bad at all.

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I think your feelings are completely understandable. However, as you yourself admitted, there may be an underlying motive that you're not aware of yet. I think if you're going to go forward with this friendship, you need to make sure first of all that she's on the same page (and wants to hang out with you). Then you need to be very honest in gauging your own feelings as you go along. If you start to sense you have feelings for her, you should probably pull away with some "space and time".

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U miss the company she provided thats what i think being friends with her when you might in the back of your head want something with her would be bad for you. its hard to go back to being single when your used to always have that person there for you.

 

I dont want to say replace her but try finding someone to spent time with and see if you still miss her..

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Yup, have to say - I took some time out from this forum recently to just regroup and work on myself and my situation and I found myself feeling the exact same way.

 

Don't get me wrong, this wasn't due to my time away from here, it's simply feelings that are coming back around. I know myself that it wont work right now, I know she needs her time to herself at this stage in life to figure things out but yet, I still feel a deep loss.

 

This isn't a needy/desperate thing either, I'm pretty sure I'm past all that - I just feel like I miss her, as a person from my life. Like we are meant to be involved in eachothers lifes in some form or another.

 

But, in saying that, maybe when we meet someone else who is special to us or means as much then these feelings will truly fade (or so I hear...)

 

Just know you're not in this lonesome boat alone - I'm sitting there with you.

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I feel the same. Like the other posters have said, it's no longer a desperate, needy/clingy feeling. I almost never cry anymore. I'm OK (not particularly happy) with the situation right now and am getting by. But I do still care for him and for what we had for over 7 years, especially our friendship. We were each other's very best friends. I think we both told each other things that we've never shared with anyone. I've never had a confidante like that. He's also one of the most honest/sincere people I have ever known, although towards the end, he became withdrawn and depressed...but that was not the norm. During and after the break-up, he has been honest so it's hard for me not to respect him even though I sometimes dwell on the things he did wrong or the the things I may have pushed him away.

 

I don't feel any real hard feelings (that last more than a couple minutes) and I'd love to see him and talk to him again...but I don't know what to say. There really is no point in the two of us talking but I do miss his smile, his deep conversation (that I can't seem to have with anyone else...except maybe you guys here who are excellent), his awesome personality, and the great love-making. I miss going on walks and looking for different types of birds. I miss sitting in the car listening to NPR on a Sunday afternoon or stopping off at the ice cream store for a cone.

 

He's not perfect and he's not on a pedestal. No, there are a lot of things I take issue with but I'm not holding a grudge.

 

Part of me just feels like it's not finished yet...to be completely over forever would be a shame and a waste when we were good together before and could have that again if he wanted it.

 

I started thinking about him being with another woman and it bothered me but not as much as usual. I do want him to be happy. But then I started imagining him marrying someone else and having kids with them. That would REALLY hurt. We always talked about having a big family. We both really love kids. Just the idea of him sharing a child with somebody else is something I really have to come to terms with and accept as a future possibility. I would like to accept it, but it's just what I always wanted (and thought he wanted) for us.

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I just broke 182 days of NC because I missed him and thought I had healed enough to be friends. He wanted us to be friends right after the breakup, but I told him I need time to heal. He respected my decision and told me to contact him when I was ready. We had a brief phone conversation and caught up on each other lives. We always got along great and had an amicable breakup, but now I feel pretty sad. I don't want him back, but I know it was definitely too soon to try being friends.

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I completely understand what you are talking about. I feel exactly the same way.

 

We had known each other for about 2 years. We acted just like a couple; we talked about our futures, about getting married, about having a family. I loved her, and she loved me, but I wanted a committed relationship. She didn't. So I ended things with her, and it was messy.

 

We aren't talking anymore, and I don't know if we will ever cross paths again, especially as we go off to different colleges.

 

I still miss her though, although as someone else said, it's probably because I miss that "presence" of someone being there for me all the time. But we talked so much, about everything. She understood me in ways that nobody else did. She made me happy. And she was the best friend I had ever had. I know she felt the same way.

 

For some reason, though, even though it was me who broke things off, I don't think I'll be the one to break NC. I hurt her, so I will leave the decision up to her if she wants to start speaking again.

 

The only problem is, if we start speaking, I know we will fall in the same trap we always have. We tried being "just friends" - it didn't work. We always ended up falling for each other. It was just the way things were.

 

So if I am to really get over her, I don't think I can ever speak to her again. At least not until she decides she is willing to commit to me and only me. Nobody knows what the future holds, though.

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  • 8 years later...
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