Unsure about reconnecting with old friend

[fiona77]

Hello, I recently ran into a friend of mine who I have not spoken to in about 4 years. We had been friends since 1st grade, but during our mid 20's I noticed our relationship becoming very one sided. She would always cry to me with problems or ask me for favors, but was never there for me when I needed someone. She got married to a horrible man who cheated on her more times than I can count and threatened to leave her for one of the women he was seeing (this was after they had just had their first child). Needless to say she was a wreck and needed a friend, so of course I was there for her. The thing is she had known this guy was trouble from day one, but decided to put up with his crap for the rest of her life by marrying him and having a child with him. She would cry to me then get back with him and I wouldn't hear from her for weeks or months until the next crisis. I just got to the point where I couldn't do it anymore. I felt that all I was doing by being in her life was enabling her to continue her unhealthy relationship and it just gave me anxiety and grief to watch her ruin her life. I stopped talking to her, but saw her a few days ago. We hugged and exchanged pleasantries. I gave her my number, because I wasn't sure what else to do. What I'm wondering is if she calls should I talk to her? Maybe she has changed, though I know she is still with the same guy. Should I give our friendship another chance or just leave things the way they are?

[CallingAllAngels]

I would take her call and see if "life" hasn't changed her a bit...made her less selfish.

 

If she's the same, I would just stop taking her calls. Nothing is more annoying than a one-way friendship.

[Zeitgeist]

I think that as long as it doesn't cause you any pain, you can invest as much in the friendship as you feel is appropriate. No friendship really has a black and white definition. You don't necessarily need to be there for her for all her issues if she's never there for yours, but that doesn't mean it's not okay to hang out once in awhile and just catch up on life. You never know, she may one day grow up and become strong enough to be the kind of friend you need. It sounds like you're not all that emotionally invested in her anymore anyhow. Of course, none of this applies if you think it would cause you heartache or grief if she couldn't live up to your expectations.

[Seymore]

A phone call wouldn't hurt. You can feel her out to see what's changed (you were her friend so I think you knew her enough to know if and when she's changed), and if you don't like it, don't call or return her calls.