Some advice please

[DelG]

Hi all,

I have been in a relationship with this lovely girl for about 4 months and everything has been ok. However last night something happened that kind of shocked me.

We were sitting on the sofa and she was looking at the Internet, I asked her what you looking at....she said oh its a surprise for your birthday. So I said as joke "oh what is it a weekend as a gimp experience" She likes the word gimp and always playfully calls me her little gimp.. However she said oh why you spying on me... and then proceeded to slap me accross the face now it was a KIND of playful slap, but it was very hard and the way she reacted seemed to me like she just lost it and pulled back at the last second...but the slap seemed almost habitual.

 

Now please don't go saying I cant take it because she hit me, that's not the case at all..I did not get mad or anything but I made it known that it wasn't appreciated... She said sorry and got quite sheepish.. and then kept asking me am I upset with her. She is very needy sometimes, and likes to control things though I don't think she is trying to control me as I said the way she done it..its was weird like she was used to doing it. I was not spying on her and I could not see anything as her laptop was facing back to me, I merely asked her what you looking at

 

Then this morning she was talking to me on the phone and I could not hear her right and she speaks in a very low tone, she said something which I did not get...as I was telling her that I really had to go as I was at work and she * * * * * ed me out saying why are you just cutting me off I explained that I did get what she said and I could not hear her.

 

My point is I am getting worried that I am starting to see a side to her that could be quite bad. In my last relationship my ex used to lash out at me and It brought back some bad memories and it really killed the evening.

 

Am I worried about nothing, or should I talk to her about it? If I do it will only make her more needy, I know already.

I am really thinking about taking a step back here, I do love her but I am not going to roll over again like I did in my last relationship.

I feel she is starting to get snappy for no reason (She is not having her period) and thinking about it, its not the first time either.

 

Any advice would be great.

[Sn0man]

Sounds to me like she's making an effort to establish her dominance. I don't know any constructive ways to curtail this but it's something to definitely keep an eye on.

[Maya_A]

Yes, for sure I'd talk to her about these things. If it makes her more needy (& acting unhealthy in that ) then consider that she is not the right person for you...

 

If ever you have concerns like that it's best to communicate them in my strong opinion. Though you can do so with a gentle energy where she would feel "safe" in sharing any feelings she has about what you are saying. She may not (she may still freak out) but you will know you created an ideal environment that gives her the opportunity/choice not to.

 

Her actions absolutely do sound like quite large red flags to me. And consider that her reaction to you bringing it up will tell you even more about her... Watch that whole process carefully.

 

It is known statistically in psych. that when getting to know someone new, the time is always around the 3 - 4 month mark where the "honeymoon self" tempers and the "real person" and what it would be like to be with them surfaces...

 

Sometimes this is a great, deepening experience for the relationship & other times it is a realization that the person is not a match.

[yumicecream]

The slap thing isn't right...although, it could have just been a one time playful thing. The phone conversation sounds like what the above poster said...these things can be sinister or mild...depending on the person...but I don't think you should have to worry about someone lashing out at you...so communicate and if she isn't the right oen, she's not the right one.

 

There are some people who aren't compatible. I know a guy who I can't help but be mean to because its hard for me to respect him...its better to avoid people you feel that way about or who feel that way about you...it doesn't mean that eithe rperson is bad, necessarily, but that they bring out the worse in each other.