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Why am I not falling for this girl?


StupidEmotions

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Hi this is my first post, but I have been reading this thing for god knows how long.

 

I met this girl, she is funny, smart, very good looking, we can literally talk for hours without getting too bored. But I am just not feeling that "In-Love" feeling that I have felt with other girls. It has recently occurred to me that I might not have actually been "In-Love" with those other girls, that I might have actually felt so strongly for them, because they were all emotionally unavailable to me. Every single one of them never let me in. This girl lets me in, all the way into her mind. And we have such a great time hanging out with each other. Could it be that this is the first good thing that has come along for me and I am too stupid to know it? I feel guilty even being with her because while we hang out I have only her on my mind and I feel good, but when she leaves I don't get that wanting feeling that comes with meeting someone you really like.

 

I honestly feel that right now this is the girl I should be with, but that it won't last. Is it wrong to stay with someone when you don't think it will last? I feel like at the very least I need to figure out why I have this thing for girls who never let me in, because before I met her, I thought I was fine. I'm all messed up, how can you feel guilty for wanting to be with this great girl? I have only been with her for two weeks.

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Hi and welcome!

 

How long have you been seeing this girl? Sometimes it takes time for feelings to develop. The term 'falling in love' sure makes us think that this should be literally what happens, but in my own experience, the times that I had instant feelings for someone, it either never happened (the unavailability factor you describe) or it didn't last for long. With my fiance, my feelings developed more gradually.

 

It's natural to have doubts at some points of a relationship. Sometimes these doubts persist- in that case it's good to reconsider the relationship and decide to end things.

The doubts can also disappear in the course of developing a relationship.

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2 weeks only! I'd just take it slow, and see where it goes. As long as you are not taking big steps in terms of commitment, what's wrong with dating? The whole purpose of dating is that you get to know each other and see if there's enough between you to build a relationship on.

 

The saying you're after (I guess) is that you don't know what you miss until it's gone.

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2 weeks only! I'd just take it slow, and see where it goes. As long as you are not taking big steps in terms of commitment, what's wrong with dating? The whole purpose of dating is that you get to know each other and see if there's enough between you to build a relationship on.

 

The saying you're after (I guess) is that you don't know what you miss until it's gone.

Truer words have never been spoken.

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Its only been two weeks. If you still don't feel the emotions, move on. Maybe there is something inside of you that doesn't like something about her and thats what is holding you back...it could be a million things. Is it because she isn't mysterious enough now? I say let a friendship develop...it doesn't have to be hot passion right away...you may be surprised at the flame that you didn't know was there till it is a wild fire.

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Its only been two weeks. If you still don't feel the emotions, move on.

 

 

Wait? Are you saying wait a few more weeks longer to see if it goes somewhere and if not then move on. Cause your single second sentence actually means to move on now, but the rest of your paragraph seems to state something else.

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Wait? Are you saying wait a few more weeks longer to see if it goes somewhere and if not then move on. Cause your single second sentence actually means to move on now, but the rest of your paragraph seems to state something else.

No, no no. He's saying to give it a few more weeks.

 

I think you'll be just fine by then.

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Just take your time...I would say, having been in your position, that you feel something for her but are subconciously acting conservatively. This is actually better than diving head-first. I was a little unsure when I realised I was being accepted but I talked it out with others, and realised it was what I was waiting for!

 

All the best...

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I can definitely understand where you are coming from, as I've been in a similar position with someone I'm currently seeing, as well as people in my past.

And I've even felt the same way you say - that logically you can KNOW this is a great person for you maybe, but for whatever reason something just isn't clicking.

 

I definitely don't think it is a case of you'll just miss it when it is gone, and that you'll love her when it is too late (though yes, that is a possibility)... but I tend to think it has more to do with what sn0man has said, and what you have hinted on in your own post - that maybe you are used to a different pattern, and a different concept of "love"... and so what looks good on paper maybe just doesn't "do it" for you like you THINK it should.... at least right away.

 

I'm currently grappling with this very heavily myself.

 

So it could be that there is simply a dynamic in the relationship that FEELS like it is missing for you... a push/pull/chase aspect maybe... or an element of rejection.. It could also mean that you need to give things more time to build and get "used to" things. And, of course, it could simply mean that you will never really click with her like you so want to.

 

All you can really do is try not to be so hard on yourself (or her), and give it a bit more time. You aren't stupid, and it isn't easy... especially for those who maybe haven't had healthy relationships in the past or have been hurt.

 

And yes... two weeks really isn't that long. But listen to your gut, and don't push yourself too hard. Try to let things develop, but don't be pressured.

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Going Too Fast In a Relationship? B...
Going Too Fast In a Relationship? Break!

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