Why would he say these cruel, vicious, and nasty mean comments while we were breaking up in my car

[skyblue69]

He said some really nasty, vicious, and cruel things again.

 

I shouldn't have to convince someone to be my boyfriend. They should *want* to be my boyfriend. I would like to have a relationship where my man shows me some form of loyalty, and is proud to say that I am his boyfriend... and mean it.

 

If someone loves you, then they will *not* go out of their way to make you feel cheap, unappreciated and miserable. They will do exactly the opposite.

 

 

Ten days after having gotten back "together" with me (after 6 weeks of him giving me the silent treatment breakup for the 2nd time) he tells me he wants to "move-in" (have sex with) his ex.

 

What an awful loser thing to do.

 

This would be the 3rd time dumping me this year. Now he claims he was "never" my boyfriend... and that we were never in a relationship!! * * * ???

 

We had been dating on-and-off for a year!!

 

How can someone deny they were dating you, and deny they were your boyfriend even if it was unofficial?

 

I told him I refused to be "just friends" if he decides to "move in" (aka - have sex with) his ex. Im not his backup. I donnt want to be second place in his life. I want to be his "one-and-only."

 

He then says I'm not second place... I'm more like 5th or 6th place!

 

Why would he say such a cruel, vicious, and hurtful thing when we could have just broken up and ended things peacefully? What was the point of being so nasty and hurting my feelings?

 

Then he says at least his ex doesnt have to "pay" for sex...referring to the fact that i usuall would take him out to dinner before we would have sex, or get gim cigarettes after. I spoiled the s*** out of him because I was in love.

 

I tried to give him a peace hug "good bye", and he told me "get your f****** hands off me" and walked away.

 

He added "you'll never find another boyfriend if you make them "feel like s***" ....blaming *me* for being disappointed in his behavior for dumping me for the 3rd time to "move in" with hi ex (of all people.)

 

I know he's bipolar, and smokes weed, but thats NOT an excuse.

 

He use to call me 5 times a day, every single day for months.

We would hang out 4 times a week, and be sexually intimate.

 

 

Closer to the breakup he would only call me once a week...and ee would only see me once every 3 weeks. I later realized he was spending all his time with his "ex" HAVING SEX.

 

 

Of course I said "no" to being just friends.

 

It doesn't make any sense how a boy can like be totally into you and really like you (sometimes obsessively) at one point in time and then (through no fault of your own or in regard to ANY way you've acted) act like he hates you, say nasty things to you or his friends and act like he regrets your time together or even admitting that he ever digged you....

 

Meanwhile he wants you to think that you are the blame for his rotten behavior; and he wants you to believe you are not worthy to be anyone else's gf.

 

most people would be thrilled to have such a generous, kind, loving, sweet, and compassionate girlfriend, yet he makes himself out to be a prostitute and me to be a "john".

 

he doesnt hide his ex's name or phone number on his cell phone. he could care less if i know that he's baging his ex... but he hides *my* name so his ex doesn't find out.

 

why isn't he hiding his *ex's* name on his cell phone to protect me from being hurt?

 

he basically flaunts the fact that he's banging his ex right in front of my face, but God forbid his ex finds out about me.

 

he's demoted me from "one-and-only" to being the "other woman."

 

most people would go out of their way to reassure their significant other that they weren't cheating, yet he could care less if i'm thinking he's cheating and banging other girls.

 

he tell sme to "stop talking now" because he doesnt care what i have to say anymore.

 

how dare he tell me that he feels "dirty and like a * * * * * " while he's with me? he should feel that way when he's with his ex...(his mistress).

 

he shouldn't be "banging" two people. you cant have your cake and eat it too. you should be monogamous with me.

 

it turns out he was cheating with his ex, while his ex knowingly had a girlfriend at the time. it was so jerry springer.

 

he left me for his ex and DIDNT THINK TWICE.

 

i told him don't want to be second place or your backup boyfriend, and then he says i wasnt 2nd place.. i was 5th or 6th place. what a vicious a******.

 

the only reason he hung out with me on saturday was because his ex was out of town. he lied to me (again) about having to "work" on saturday when he really did have the day off.

 

im his backup if his ex isn't available.

 

i don't trust him ,and if i don't trust him we cant be boyfriend/girlfriend anymore.

he threatened to call the cops on me because i wouldnt giove him his "w-2 tax form" unless he deleted my number from his cell. i told him never to call me again after he said all those nasty comments to my face.

 

he only spends 10 minutes at the hotel with me after not seeing me for 3 weeks (because he was getting back together with his ex behind my back), then makes me feel like "the other woman".

 

he says i "cant afford a prostitute" so i pay him for sex? he must be a cheap prostitute if i get to bang him for a pack of cigarettes.

 

he says he "earned money" from me because he banged me?

 

he manipulates and twist my words around to make it sound like he should be monogamous with his ex instead of me. Really clever!

 

he keeps saying that i don't "know" him after a year?

 

he slammed the brakes on my car (again) when i told him it makes me angry and ruins my car.

 

he made me feel like a piece of meat when you "banged" me so fast, and for only 10 minutes... when we use to spend 2 hours at the hotel and cuddle afterwards. he didn't even want to make-out or deep-throat when he use to love it.

 

he use to beg me to take my shirt off and now he doesnt even care anymore. he made me feel like trash.

 

I want something real. I'm not going to be forced into an open "relationship" I don't want to be in. Think about it. How am I supposed to feel being in bed with him & making love to him, then knowing when he gets up the very next day he's going to be in bed with someone else banging the s**** out of them (unprotected) and getting the s*** banged out of him (unprotected)?

 

That doesn't work for most people, and I don't feel bad at all for expecting him to be faithful and committed to me. That's called a normal & healthy relationship. "Friends-with-benefits" or "open relationship" ( * * * * s) will never work for me.

 

He chose his ex now he can live with the consequences. Am I wrong?

 

if he were really sorry you wouldn't have waited several months to call ...presumably to apologize. why is he calling me now two months later? im not giving him a 4th chance.

 

your thoughts...

[1MoreChance]

scratch him out of your life and never ever see him again.

[shes2smart]

There are some people who are not capable of being part of an amicable, mature parting. Sounds like he's one of them.

 

I had an alcoholic ex I kept going back and forth with for longer than I care to admit. He said all manner of hurtful, hateful and untrue things anytime I so much as hinted I wanted to end it. I slowly began to realize that part of the reason I kept going back was because I was looking for an ending that didn't inlcude screaming, accusations and drama. Then I figured out he wasn't capable of it, and the best thing I could do for myself was stop looking for a reasonable ending and settle for an ending, period.

 

It's been a bit over 10 years since the last screaming, mean, drama-filled, blow out of an ending with the boy and my only regret is that I didn't figure out sooner that was the ONLY kind of ending I was gonna get from him.

 

You said your ex is bipolar and smokes weed. You also said that's not an excuse. It is, however, a reason as to why he's not capable of behaving in a different way at this time. Underneath all the drama, you probably have an expectation that he should act in some sort of mature fashion. You need to change that expectation to line up with reality more, because you can't change him.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Wow - what a jerk. Scratch him from your life, chalk it up to experience, and move on.

 

You get to be you, learn from life, and find a lovely man to share your life with.

 

He gets to be him for the rest of his life. Karma, see!! Imagine being stuck being him, that must really really suck

[Fedora]

He is a jerk, kick him out of your life.

[IMAbadman]

I'm thinking he's a TOOL.

 

I know your hurt but you know this is for the best losing him will improve your life, take comfort in that. Write that one off as a life lesson as to what one should avoid.

[KG]

"run, away, fast"

[servedcold]

Welcome to ENA. So very sorry for this guy's nasty comments to you. Sometimes when people break up, they feel guilty and unsure of what they are doing, so they lash out hurtfully. Doing this to you shows his true colors, his low character, and in a way, he has actually done you a favor.

 

Try to take your heart out of the equation, and look at this totally rationally, would you want to be with this loser long-term? to make a future with him? to have his children (whom he would likely abuse)? Until this guy grows up lots, he is going to cause pain everywhere he goes, including to himself.

 

One other thing, don't think that his relationship with his ex is all hearts and flowers, it's not one bit better than yours was. Look at this as dodging a bullet and not wasting one more minute of time thinking about or worrying about this loser. The time saved can be put to productive use in your life, and eventually finding someone who is better... which shouldn't be very difficult given this guy's issues. Best wishes.

[skyblue69]

One other thing, don't think that his relationship with his ex is all hearts and flowers, it's not one bit better than yours was. Look at this as dodging a bullet and not wasting one more minute of time thinking about or worrying about this loser. The time saved can be put to productive use in your life, and eventually finding someone who is better... which shouldn't be very difficult given this guy's issues. Best wishes.

 

 

Thank you I really needed to hear that. Althought it doesnt change the botom line that I lost someone I love. But obviously someone tha tcares about you isnt going to say those thigns, dump you for the 3rd time ,and "move in" withtheir ex.

 

The thing is , I told him I needed to hear that he doesnt love me, and that he doesnt want to be my boyfriend.

 

Then he responds he does love me, but doesnt want to be my boyfriend (because he wants to "move in" with his ex)

 

How can you love someone and not want to be their boyfriend and instead want to "move in" (ie- have sex everyday) with youir ex?

 

The bottom line is I've never been hurt this much in my entire life. I know he wil lcome crawling back in a couple months when his "ex" dumps him..and I already told him (the day he said the nasty things) that I will not be hear for him when that day *will* come...and it WILL come.

[skyblue69]

Today was just a really bad day. I kept thinking about him going to bed every evening with his ex, having sex with his ex, waking up every morning wioth his ex, spending every day with his ex and bonding with his ex, while hes fading out of my life and i have no choice in the matter.

 

i dont go through a lot of guys and people talk like yo ucan just "move on" to the next ..like its THAT easy.

 

He couldnt treat me any worse, yet i still love him and miss him and wish he didnt dump me to "move in" with his ex.

 

i dont know why im so weak, or senstive, but it seems like 99% of people have a much easier time "walking away" permanenetly from a relationship they never wanted to end..or even had a choice i nthe matter.

 

obviously if some random stranger treated me that way i would be gone i na heart beat, but when youve loved someone intimately for over a year, it juist seems criminal how they can dispose of you for someone else so seemlessly and withouit any empathy.

 

anyways, just wanted to rant..

 

i dont even know why he still has me on his myspace friends. i havent been signed-on myspace since he dumped me weeks ago..

 

oh well..

[waveseer]

Try to think of it this way, you can't do much worse than him without being bodily injured so the odds of finding some who will treat you better, way better, are excellent!

[skyblue69]

I just cant believe someone can throw away a year s oeasily and not even think about you anymore because theyre "banging" their ex ever yday.

 

It's not like he's at home dwelling on me 24/7. He's going out and having FUN every single day and bonding with his ex, while im stuck at home suffering from how someone could just do that to you.

 

Do they really NEVER think about you anymore? Do they really just move on so easily without regret ..like the make it seem? Dont they have second thoughts or they just dont care?

[waveseer]

 

Do they really NEVER think about you anymore? Do they really just move on so easily without regret ..like the make it seem? Dont they have second thoughts or they just dont care?

 

They think about you. If they ever cared they will wonder from time to time if not outright regret. It's just that many people can have very long term relationships without ever really caring. It boggles the mind.

[miracle29]

He sounds like an imp of a person and like he has the relationship compacity of a three year old. He is a very verbally abusive rude jerk. Run...and never let him forget..he pushed you off. You are mature..he is not. Simple. He only has you on Myspace more than likely, to let you see what he is doing ..to somehow rub it in your face. Its a game and its all abouthim not you. I'd delete his butt before he could even see it coming.

[girlnextdoor80]

Oh hon....I just had a very bad and abusive break-up myself. And I know that the move-on advices are not likely to get through to you right now. All I can say is that give yourself time....and do not contact him.

[skyblue69]

He only has you on Myspace more than likely, to let you see what he is doing ..to somehow rub it in your face. Its a game and its all abouthim not you. I'd delete his butt before he could even see it coming.

 

 

It's amazing you said that because that's EXACTLY what I was thinking too.

 

The thing is, I havent signed-on to myspace since we broke up. He knows that too, because myspace indicates the last time you logged on.

 

I want him to know I'm not "watching whats going on." His page is set to "private" and "friends only", so obviously if I havent signed-on then I have "no clue" what his life has been like since he dumped me.

 

Anyways, if I were to sign-on to delete him he might think I read his page and "updated myself" on his situation.

 

I'm just keeping in form with my 100% NC.

[shes2smart]

It's not like he's at home dwelling on me 24/7. He's going out and having FUN every single day and bonding with his ex, while im stuck at home suffering from how someone could just do that to you.

 

You do not know this for sure. (unless you've got him under surveillance or something) This is what you are telling yourself he's doing.

 

The likelihood is that he's treating her about as badly as he treated you, because he's still the same screwed-up person he was when he was with you.

 

This is a very common thing....telling ourselves that our exes are out there living it up while we are in pain from the break-up. But the fact of the matter is that if you have very little or no contact with them, you can't know what, exactly is going on with them. And if you do happen to bump into them or "see" them on a social networking site, they're probably showing a highly edited version of what's happening with them.

 

One of my favorite quotes is this one from Francis Dunnery - "Pain is necessary for growth, suffering is optional." If you're "stuck at home suffering," that's due, in part, to some choices you're making. You are not "stuck" at home and if you're choosing to think stuff like he's "having fun" and "bonding" with his ex, then you are using your thoughts to hurt yourself.

[skyblue69]

Well it seems a lot of people are advising us to be "wilfully ignorant" about our ex.

 

Obviously during the "2nd Honeymoon" they are likely going to be bonding, "banging", and having fun every single day for at least the first month. This is a painful truth.

 

I'm not one to be ignorant, whether it's regarding the starving children in africa or a broken relationship. I like to know what the "real deal" is, instead of closing my eyes and not knowing.

 

True, i will never know what the "truth" and reality is if I maintain 100% NC, but obviously it's highly likely they are bonding, banging, and having fun with no regard for my feelings.

 

It's just a painful realization.

 

A friend of mine sent me this link about SOCIOPATHS which describes my ex to the letter: link removed

[SexinmyCity]

It's amazing you said that because that's EXACTLY what I was thinking too.

 

The thing is, I havent signed-on to myspace since we broke up. He knows that too, because myspace indicates the last time you logged on.

 

I want him to know I'm not "watching whats going on." His page is set to "private" and "friends only", so obviously if I havent signed-on then I have "no clue" what his life has been like since he dumped me.

 

Anyways, if I were to sign-on to delete him he might think I read his page and "updated myself" on his situation.

 

I'm just keeping in form with my 100% NC.

 

 

If you haven't logged on and you haven't been on his page, then how do you know you are still on his friends list?

 

You need to let him go, including the myspace. No contact. It's the only way to go!

 

I hope you feel better sooooooooooooooooooooooooon!

 

hugs to you!

[skyblue69]

My friends, who are also on my ex's "private/friends only" myspace, told me that I am still on his friends page.

 

I havent contacted him since the breakup.

 

He averages 6 weeks before he will contact me. I say this because this is the 3rd time he dumped me in a year...but this is the first time he dumped me to "move in" with his ex; therefore, I think it may be a little longer this time..if ever.

[SexinmyCity]

Why do you keep taking him back? A heart isn't meant to be broken so many times...especially by the same person.

 

PROMISE yourself you won't fall for it again. And tell your friends to stop talking about him with you. It only makes it harder to move on.

[skyblue69]

I'm weak. I dont fall in love easily. I lost my virginity to him. He was awesome in the beginning.

 

Obviously I'm still in love with him. I dont know why...

[shes2smart]

Well it seems a lot of people are advising us to be "wilfully ignorant" about our ex.

 

Obviously during the "2nd Honeymoon" they are likely going to be bonding, "banging", and having fun every single day for at least the first month. This is a painful truth.

 

I'm not one to be ignorant, whether it's regarding the starving children in africa or a broken relationship. I like to know what the "real deal" is, instead of closing my eyes and not knowing.

 

How is "knowing" serving you (other than causing you pain and keeping you emotionally/mentally tied to him)? How is "knowing" doing you ANY good whatsoever? Unless you're keeping him under constant watch, you can't really "know" what's going on anyway. Oh, you can speculate, you can guess, you can assume -- but why would you even waste that much effort on someone who's treated you so poorly? ("I still love him" is not a valid answer, you need to dig deeper than that if you want to move out of this)

 

True, i will never know what the "truth" and reality is if I maintain 100% NC, but obviously it's highly likely they are bonding, banging, and having fun with no regard for my feelings.

 

I'm not entirely sure why you think they should have any regard for your feelings. He's already run roughshod over yours multiple times, why should he have a "come to Jesus" moment now?

 

Again, what good does it do you to give any thought to what they might be doing? They don't deserve your time, thought or attention in any way. You'd be much better served to put the focus on yourself, your life, and the things you can control (YOUR thoughts, YOUR attitudes, YOUR beliefs and YOUR actions) rather than the things you cannot control (that would be just about everything else -- including what they choose to do).

 

You stated you're not one to be ignorant....well, what would you call thinking/hoping someone who's treated you so shabbily would/should suddenly be concerned about YOUR feelings?

 

It's just a painful realization.

 

You've had the realization. Dwelling on it is mental self-injury.

 

I'm weak. I dont fall in love easily. I lost my virginity to him. He was awesome in the beginning.

 

How long has it been since he was "awesome"? Most everyone is "awesome" in the beginning. It's after that "make a good impression" mode wears off that we start learning the truth about someone. He's revealed the truth about who he is while you're still operating with who you thought he was.

 

Obviously I'm still in love with him. I dont know why...

 

Rather than spinning your wheels thinking about what he's doing and inflicting hurt on yourself with those thoughts, you might be better served to review the ideas you have about "love" and what makes a healthy relationship and figure out *why* you've kept going back and what you can do differently to end this, move on, and not get caught up in this same pattern again (with him or someone else). These are things you do not know. You claim you're not one to be ignorant, but this is something you have not yet figured out. You can start working on those things, which will likely benefit you in the long run...or you can keep thinking about what he's doing and trying to figure out why he's doing it, which, thus far has made you nothing but miserable (and probably will continue to do so).

 

It's your choice.

[skyblue69]

You guys make it sound like it's so easy.

 

And yes, I've never been more miserable since the breakup.

 

Dont get me wrong, I appreciate all the responses. I relly *do* need to hear it! The truth does hurt.

 

However, anyone would be miserable if they experienced just half of what I went through the past year.

 

He's bipolar-1. I guess I tried to "Save" him. I thought I could solve his major problems.

 

Plus, it's not just the bipolar, he was just a malicious a***** in the end.

 

It's too easy for me to blame the bipolar, even though over 90% of bipolar relationships end in divorce/breakup within the first few months (google it). And he would NEVER treat his ex the way he treats me. It's the total oposite. He's like the ex;s b****.

 

I'm not attracted to many people, so when i find the "one", i pour my heart out and spoil the s*** of them.

 

The way I acted is the way MANY people would act. Not everyone is perfect.

 

I secretly want him to apologize for all his lies and mistreatment. I secretly wish he would value and respect our relationship. I secretly wish he would be "in love with" me.

 

Most of the problems happened when he stopped taking his medicine..but that didnt stop him one bit from pursuing his ex..so i cant blame the medicine either. lol

 

anyways, the truth is its been 8 years between relationships. i know it wil be another 8 years or more beofre i ever find anything similar to the closeness we had. i just cant "move on" to the next gu ybecause there is no next guy. its hard to explain...

[shes2smart]

You guys make it sound like it's so easy.

 

No, it's not easy. Simple, but not easy. Growing up and having things of worth are almost never easy.

 

However, anyone would be miserable if they experienced just half of what I went through the past year.

 

Oh, I was plenty miserable when I was going back and forth with my alcoholic ex...and that went on nearly 5 years.

 

He's bipolar-1. I guess I tried to "Save" him. I thought I could solve his major problems.

 

A healthy relationship does not include the partners "saving" each other.

 

And he would NEVER treat his ex the way he treats me. It's the total oposite. He's like the ex;s b****.

 

Again, unless you are with them 24/7/365, there is no way you can know this.

 

I'm not attracted to many people, so when i find the "one", i pour my heart out and spoil the s*** of them.

 

Here's another piece of your thinking that may need some re-adjustment -- this concept of "the one"....pretty much all it does in reality is make people miserable, bitter, disappointed and disillusioned.

 

The way I acted is the way MANY people would act. Not everyone is perfect.

 

"Perfect" has never come into the equation, here. I had 5 freakin' long, painful, miserable (much of it self-inflicted) years with an alcoholic. SurfThyme said she spent 19 years with someone who treated her very badly. It's not about perfect -- it's about learning from our mistakes the hard way and trying to spare YOU some of what we went through by telling you about our experiences.

 

I secretly want him to apologize for all his lies and mistreatment. I secretly wish he would value and respect our relationship. I secretly wish he would be "in love with" me.

 

Much like my wish for a peaceable, mature parting with my alcoholic ex, it's Just. Not. Going. To. Happen. You can't make him give you things he's simply not capable of giving you (or anyone else). The only thing you can do is change your expectations to fit reality.

 

anyways, the truth is its been 8 years between relationships. i know it wil be another 8 years or more beofre i ever find anything similar to the closeness we had. i just cant "move on" to the next gu ybecause there is no next guy. its hard to explain...

 

Another thought to review -- you don't "know" if it will be another 8 years. I broke up with a cheating ex and figured that was it and *boom!* less than 90 days later I met the guy I married.

 

I will tell you this -- if you keep telling yourself and believing that "it will be 8 years" and "you won't find anything better" that's the reality you will create. Our thoughts are powerful things, yet most people do not take the time to really critically evaluate the content of their thoughts nor do they expend the energy to channel their thoughts in constructive, positive ways.We create our reality with our thoughts. If these are the kinds of things you're thinking, that's what you're going to create for yourself.

 

Now, if you don't like the look of that reality for your future, I suggest you work on changing the content of your thoughts in the present. This will require you to to review what's going on in your head, critically question and evaluate it, and figure out where and how you can do better. It will require you to change what you think and what actions you take. It will require you to take responsibility for yourself and your life in ways that many people choose not to because it is freakin' HARD.

 

But having lived without taking control of what's going on in my head and having lived with taking control of it, for myself, I know that the hard work yields much more satisfying results than taking the easy way.