Girl Friend Troubles

[Hollowfoo23]

Hello all, i've been dealing with this problem for awhile now and I guess I'm just looking for other people's oppions since its hard to find people who will listen. I decided to fall in love with my best girl friend (who is bisexual and at the time had a boyfriend), well then the boy friend dumped her (because he is an * * * * * * * and the relationship wasn't working) and her heart was broken. Well here I was, as her best friend who just so happened to be a lesbian, comforting her and trying to make her feel better. And she was aware of my feelings.

 

Well I was really dumb, and even though I knew she was still in love with this guy, I wanted to date her. So I did. It lasted a week until the guy came back and said he wanted her back, but since he's an ass it was mostly a joke.

 

Like a month later after she broke it off with me because she said it wasn't right, we tried it again. So its been an off and on thing, with us being really happy together and then something suddenly reminds her of him and our relationship goes into a downward spiral because she feels really guilty for having feelings for him still.

 

Right now I've been dating her for almost a month, she would be my first real girl friend since I've come out of the closet because I haven't had much luck with finding lesbians around town who are my age. I love her very much both as a friend and girl friend. And when we are together we both make each other amazingly happy, but there is just that part of her that is holding her back, and she wants to get over him. I keep telling her it will take more time, and I am stupid for trying to persue her but I can't help my feelings and I don't want to give up.

 

So my question is, does she just need more time to get over him? Is it possible she could develop more powerful feelings for me that would help her get over him? I'm not sure what I should do or say.

[civilservant]

I hate to say this, but right now you're fulfilling the role of the rebound. She needs time and distance, without any pressure, to get over this man before she can commit to anyone else.

 

If I were you, I would step back. Tell her she needs time AND LEAVE HER TO IT. It might be tough for you not t see her for awhile, but as far as I can see this is the only way that she can really come to know she wants you and not him.

 

Good luck.

[Pure Foxy]

I agree with civilservant. I know you can't help/ stop your feelings for her but you don't want her to be with you just because she needs somebody and wants to fill the gap. Wait it out, if you go a few days without seeing her for a period of time (aka. don't hang around her everyday) maybe after some time to think and get over her ex she might have time to think of the time you two had together and what it means to her.

 

The key is not to be the rebound and to have her realize how much she needs and misses YOU and not her ex.

[Hollowfoo23]

So your saying that if she realizes just how important I am to her than she will know that I am more important than her ex? And she will want me? Does that actually work? If so I wouldn't mind taking some time off even though its hurts not to always be around her. But she broke up with him in Feb, how long does it normally take?