the ethics of lying about pregnancy.

[Asphyxia]

So from what i gather from friends, my dilemma is not normal. So, i just wanted to ask some older pro's out there.

 

my girlfriend seems to think it was ok to lead me to believe she was pregnant, by implying that she lied about having her period and taking her pill. I am 19 years old living in my mothers household, and currently a University student studying Fine Arts. I am currently unemployed (its impossible finding work these days). She kept asking me questions about what i would do and such. I tried to tell her as calmly and rationally as possible that i simply am not fit for being a father and that neither is she, if she would keep something like pregnancy from me - yes this is kind of complicated. You see, this is a lie inside of a lie neatly wrapped in a box of "spitting on your dignity and ethics"..

 

You see; i had been worried about her having her period right after taking her last contraception pill. She apparently was lying about not getting her period (although it was meant to be a joke i suppose..). I then asked her the other day if she was actually taking her pill again. Then later on she asked why i would question her and wondered what i was thinking. I basically implied that i thought she might be pregnant and keeping it from me.. i then asked if she actually was lying.. she gave me no answer and a weird look. I began to freak inside and after letting out how i felt about it and how nervous i was, she kept telling me i didn't have to worry about it and to leave her.. i became very frustrated because I couldn't possibly conceive of having a child in a position where i cant raise it properly as a planned child. It just frustrated me to the core because she would often moan about wanting a baby the odd time (even though she knows shes not ready) while sometimes forgetting to take her pill at the same time everyday (which is nearly impossible to deduce a likelihood of pregnancy due to this particular factor). It would have been difficult to swallow the fact that she got pregnant due to her laziness or irresponsibility and the fact that she knew how i felt about unplanned pregnancy at our age being dangerous and all of my ambitions for having a child when I'm prepared, only to betray me. To get to the finale of this performance.. she finally admitted she was lying and that she was NOT pregnant when she noticed i was nearly about to cry due to how little she seemed to care about the idea of family and how i felt and the GRAVITY of the situation of having a child was. She proceeded to be mad AT ME!.. because i "got mad". I still think that there is a line upon ethical decency that was puked on personally. I dont think this is something you put a person through and expect them to feel comfortable being with you.

 

Is this some kind of reasonable method for a girlfriend?

 

If she knew and understand my beliefs, why would she stay with me? AND mess with my head?

 

The thing that bothers me is the total disregard for my feelings and mental health. NOT TO MENTION not even remotely acting like the predicament mattered, and treating it like its buying a dog. By the way, she cant even afford to give her dogs shots and to train them...

 

I love her, but i am just so turned off. I am disgusted with myself for putting up with this and being so oblivious.

 

I feel like there is something very wrong with me for persisting with this girl, in spite of what she does to me mentally.Maybe its a misplaced, defensive feeling towards what is actually the right thing to do? such as act more rational about the pregnancy (if it were reality) and not tell her how worried and scarred i am?? or maybe i am now trying to go back in my little oppressed hole of trying to believe im happy when im not..

 

help?

[poison ivy]

You don't have to see the whole staircase to take the first step - the hell out of this relationship. You're young and I don't think you realise just how dysfunctional all of this sounds. Figure out if you fear being alone, if you have self esteem issues or whatever else might explain why you stay with her.

[d24]

Seriously that's the biggest form of immaturity on her part - and guilt - attack is not the best form of defence, she needs to take a look in the mirror and either grow up or move on. As far as I can see you don't want or need this kind of stress in your life, and if I were you I'd drop her like a hot potato.

[Stormcrow]

If the relationship continues i suggest you start using an alternative form of contraception on top of her taking the pill, if she has a problem with either or both then it is obvious the sex wont be "safe". Though in the end if you fear things aren't stable and you cant trust her on something as important a topic as the possibility of ending up with an unplanned pregnancy then the relationship is something you may want to rethink. That is unless sex isn't as large a part of the relationship as it is for many and you can both do without it.

[Rose21]

That's awful. This girl is just totaly maniplative.

 

I would get out while you can, or atleast use condoms.

 

Me and my boyfriend don't use them, I don't like them.

 

BUT I take the pill. But I am EXTREMLY admant about it, I've never missed a pill and always take it at the same time yet are still paranoid about being pregnant.

 

I for one would NEVER stop taking my pills. I don't just not want kids now, I don;t want them EVER.

 

And obviously if you don't want kids now and she doesn't respect that, you should find someone that does.