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Don't get me wrong....I am feeling good since my break-up, though it was an emotional drain and up until a couple of weeks ago I was feeling terrible. I have worked on myself, confided in my friends, used my resources and gotten myself to a state of mind where I feel a lot better and more confident. Physically I feel less ill now and am more alert.

 

However, I have this nagging doubt in my mind that I will struggle, or maybe not find somebody else. I am always told how good a guy I am, decent listener, kind, good natured and whatever else but dating-wise, I haven't really done that well in my life. I feel like a bit of a freak as a result, even though last time out I was in an unassailable position and did all I could. Of course in this time, I have dealt with some psychological issues of my own (Social Phobia the main candidate) and had to acclimatise to a new life in another country.

 

I am not quite sure why things haven't kicked off but I have always been a guy seeking something serious, and am meant to be quite mature for my age too. I tend to attract girls who like my appearance or other superficial things about me but never to commit to anything, though I have been smart enough to get out of a potentially abusive or harmful situation before it gets started.

 

I tell myself everyday that I deserve somebody "quality" and that it will happen but I must admit, going on 27 it makes me a little nervous that it hasn't happened much yet.

 

Any thoughts?

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Hey

 

That word "when" is bothersome isn't it? "If" is another one as well.

 

The worst thing about thinking of "when" is that it can't be controlled. The worst thing about thinking of "if" is that it can cause more doubt bringing you down more. In all honesty, those are terms I've noticed when I think of them myself are pessimistic.

 

Just a suggestion but try and take the doubt of "when" and even "if", turn it around to focus on "how".

 

Instead of thinking of "When will I meet someone?" think of "How will I meet someone?"

 

You're going to meet someone that sees the things in you that your friends do. Probably even more. She will definitely come into your life but the coolest thing to ponder is how you will run into her.

 

You're certainly not a freak either. It only feels that way because not many women could or have tried to truly accept you for who you are. That's their problem. Not yours. Your maturity proves that.

 

You're going to get your luck a little bit later, when it truly matters.

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It's a numbers game my friend! Build your confidence, and go out there and start collecting numbers! Some girls will like you and give out their number, and some will not. Don't take rejection the wrong way. Different people are attracted to different things.

 

On the other hand, you will click with some girls, and not want others. Don't expect to find the amazing person you click with right away, but they will eventually come.

 

Go on dating sites, join social groups, and get out there. Have fun, and remember to be a challenge

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Absolutely. I still hurt from my breakup, and think of things logically as well. I do not want to go back, but it still hurts a bit going forward.

 

You feel you should click right away. To be honest, when my ex and I first met, I had no intentions of seriously dating her. Yes, we had great conversation and a strong connection, but I have had that with others as well.

 

Give them the chance, and try to open up your heart as hard as it is. It's easier said than done, and I try this every day.

 

You may even want to casually date until you feel better again.

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The words "when" and "if" are a pain in the backside. Neither are definite, both are uncertain!

 

Thank you though, and it doesn't bog me down as such, it just perplexes me as I hate to not know what it is and a lot of people around me find it easy!

 

Yes, my luck will hopefully come later, just at the right time.

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Absolutely. I still hurt from my breakup, and think of things logically as well. I do not want to go back, but it still hurts a bit going forward.

 

You feel you should click right away. To be honest, when my ex and I first met, I had no intentions of seriously dating her. Yes, we had great conversation and a strong connection, but I have had that with others as well.

 

Give them the chance, and try to open up your heart as hard as it is. It's easier said than done, and I try this every day.

 

You may even want to casually date until you feel better again.

 

I am actually pretty open when it comes to feelings (yes, I am one of those who can fall quickly) and am not apprehensive about opening up. For me, I will take the chance. It's just that being as shy as I tend to be, the chances haven't come so much. I have worked on this and gotten better over the last 2-3 years, but then I attract the wrong ones.

 

But thank you for the encouragement, it is helpful to know that people understand.

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Hey Ellandroader...

 

Well you know I feel pretty similarly to you.. So I perhaps don't have any words of wisdom to add... You seem like a great guy in all aspects... Like me, you're just not meeting the "right" people. You have overcome some major hurdles which definitely got in your way in the past (social anxiety) and life changes etc... I am sure that inner strength you have will help you to ultimately meet Ms Right too. I hope sooner rather than later!

 

Ammy

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when you were with your ex, how comfortable were you? you could be yourself and not worry about being shy right? that's how you should be around all women. gain that confidence in who you are. know your strong points in your personality.

 

me? i make women laugh and can be very charming. probably got it from my mom. also, being in shape helps as well as having a unique style.

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Hey Ellandroader...

 

Well you know I feel pretty similarly to you.. So I perhaps don't have any words of wisdom to add... You seem like a great guy in all aspects... Like me, you're just not meeting the "right" people. You have overcome some major hurdles which definitely got in your way in the past (social anxiety) and life changes etc... I am sure that inner strength you have will help you to ultimately meet Ms Right too. I hope sooner rather than later!

 

Ammy

 

Thanks Ammy I would like to think I have become stronger and more resilient in my time, it is just a case of waiting for the ball to drop and getting the lucky bounce. I do think that applies for you also, however it is just frustrating now knowing when!

 

when you were with your ex, how comfortable were you? you could be yourself and not worry about being shy right? that's how you should be around all women. gain that confidence in who you are. know your strong points in your personality.

 

me? i make women laugh and can be very charming. probably got it from my mom. also, being in shape helps as well as having a unique style.

 

I grew more comfortable as we got on. Her being Hispanic/Texan to me being from Yorkshire, England was a big cultural difference so that took some getting used to (she is more extrovert and touchy feely whereas I am not for example) but you know, I wasn't as shy as it felt so right to me. I haven't usually been like that around girls. I do however know my strong points - I have a very dry sense of humour and a quick wit, a good heart and am very honest. I like to think I am in shape too. This is in big contrast to a couple of years back when I had little confidence so it seems and I wasn't happy with myself physically.

 

Thank you for the kind words

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Thanks Ammy I would like to think I have become stronger and more resilient in my time, it is just a case of waiting for the ball to drop and getting the lucky bounce. I do think that applies for you also, however it is just frustrating now knowing when!

 

heh, well, talk about being the most unlucky-attraction-wise suckers ever?

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Hi Dan,

 

How are you? I too feel like you. In fact, I'm 36, hold two degrees, own condo, great job....NOTHING. I guess it will hit us when you least expect it. You do seem like such a nice guy...some girl will be lucky to have you (too bad you are not near NJ...we could hang

 

Danielle

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heh, well, talk about being the most unlucky-attraction-wise suckers ever?

 

I would consider myself average looking, haha

 

Hi Dan,

 

How are you? I too feel like you. In fact, I'm 36, hold two degrees, own condo, great job....NOTHING. I guess it will hit us when you least expect it. You do seem like such a nice guy...some girl will be lucky to have you (too bad you are not near NJ...we could hang

 

Danielle

 

Well thank you *blushes*.....it seems that the people I should hang with are not in Florida. Thank you for the kind words though....I think you are right, it will happen randomly. And I wish you the best too

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