Is it true that Male Dumpers usually come back more than Female Dumpers?

[Aeryn]

I heard this from a couple of people.

 

They said that if a man dumps a woman, he will usually come back and try to pick things up...either by trying to be your friend, or by trying to reconcile.

 

However, if a woman dumps a man, she is usually done with it. She may have some regrets, but overall she generally wants to get on with life without this guy.

 

Is this true? If so, why? You'd think that a woman would want to come back to work things out more than a man would.

 

It's just crazy, if this is the case. Because, from what I've seen, men are usually so cold when they breakup with you...they act like they could care less, like you weren't that important to them. They will ignore you and act distant after ending it. Yet, they usually come back more than women?? How does that make sense?

 

Do you have any real life stories on this type of situation?

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think most likely they come back more because men, in our society, typically chase the women.

[yumicecream]

In my experience, it seems to be the case. I've wanted guys back before but I won't chase them.

[Ac143]

It might have some truth to it. All my exes at some point came back either for sex or to get back together. I think for me, IF I break up with a man - chances are I had enough emotionally & definitely would not go back. I dont want to get bashed for this BUT I think it might be because women stick it out longer & take a lot of crap they probably shouldn't have & when they realize they shouldnt be with the guy...they are at the end of their rope? Well at least that's how its been with me, in the past.

[pumpkinmoon]

I'm not really sure. I think it depends on the person really but it does seem that way. I think it might have something to do with men being more impulsive in these kinds of situations. They may break up with a woman because it is what they think they want but later realise that they may have made the wrong decision. I think maybe women in general might give these matters more thought before taking action.

[Kaiser_Soze]

As bad as it sounds, if I broke up with someone, then contacted them again, it was probably to get close enough for a FWB situation and not usually a new found commitment to a failed relationship. What a jerk huh... Not me anymore.

[1MoreChance]

oh I think those are just sayings... but not true...

[sosilver]

It may or may not be true. I guess it depends on the person, I think most women try to hold on to a relationship and try to make it work until they have had enough. So when they do reach a point of leaving, its usually for good. For men, IMO, they might come back more often because they usually need time to process what theyve lost and its value...

[1MoreChance]

It may or may not be true. I guess it depends on the person, I think most women try to hold on to a relationship and try to make it work until they have had enough. So when they do reach a point of leaving, its usually for good. For men, IMO, they might come back more often because they usually need time to process what theyve lost and its value...

 

why would men need so much time to process what they've lost??

[sosilver]

Men, I feel, are not as emotionally mature as women. Obivioulsy, this also depends on how old they are and their experiences.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Men, I feel, are not as emotionally mature as women. Obivioulsy, this also depends on how old they are and their experiences.

 

I really disagree with this.

 

I think men are taught to not show their emotions in many societies. But, I do not believe that they are less capable of being aware of their emotions.

[Aeryn]

I mean, I've had 4 relationships that I'd say I had some genuine feelings at one point. I was, initially, the dumpee in all of them. But this is how things played out...

 

Ex#1 We were together for about two months. He broke up with me through text message in a very hateful way. He said some things that hurt me. I ignored it all, let it be. Two weeks after he ended it through the text, he sent me another text saying something along the lines of, "I'm sorry. I love you."

You know what I did? I immediately sent him a text right back saying, "I love you too! So much! I don't want this to happen again!" So he kept sending me texts throughout the day professing his love...never once called me, nor did I call him. But I DID respond to every single text. In the final text, he said, "so does this mean we're back together?" I sent him one back saying, "Hahaha...bull * * * * . You can kiss my ass." It was just so nice to lead him on ALL day through texts, saying I loved him, and then when he asked if it meant we were back together...I got the chance to hurt him. Either way, he came back.

 

Ex#2 Together for about five months, then it turned into a LDR. We were too young to handle that. He broke things off, I begged to see if we could work through this. No success. Went about 4-5 months without talking, before he sent me an Email saying he really missed me and did want to be with me. I told him that I did miss him too, and I did love him, but I think that we really are better off as friends. That was nearly 4 years ago--we're still friends to this day. He came back though.

 

Ex#3 Together for about two months before he decided he "didn't love/like me that much"...I just kind of blew it off, because I really didn't like him that much either. He was just someone to occupy the time; plus I was interested in someone else. Two days later, he sent me a message saying, "I'm soo sorry baby, please forgive me" --I simply told him that I forgave him, but did not want to be with him. He still came back...kid has some serious emotional problems though.

 

Ex#4 This is the one that's tearing me apart. We were together nearly two years. He broke up with me exactly one month ago today...and he shows no signs/intentions yet that he wants to work things out. The other 3 came back...will he? He's the one I want to give another chance to.

[sosilver]

I really disagree with this.

 

I think men are taught to not show their emotions in many societies. But, I do not believe that they are less capable of being aware of their emotions.

 

 

I dont mean they are less capable or not aware. You are right, a better way to put it would be to say that they dont show their emotions as much as women. I feel, men (im sure there are many exceptions) dont try as hard until they lose the relationship.

[1MoreChance]

 

Ex#4 This is the one that's tearing me apart. We were together nearly two years. He broke up with me exactly one month ago today...and he shows no signs/intentions yet that he wants to work things out. The other 3 came back...will he? He's the one I want to give another chance to.

 

I think you are trying to find some hope by analysing a shady theory that you heard somewhere... let him go and if he's meant to be, he'll come around, like the others? of course I don't know the details of the relationship, issues, reasons for the break up... etc. have you asked him the resons? how did you break up? etc,etc,

 

take care

[Aeryn]

I think you are trying to find some hope by analysing a shady theory that you heard somewhere... let him go and if he's meant to be, he'll come around, like the others? of course I don't know the details of the relationship, issues, reasons for the break up... etc. have you asked him the resons? how did you break up? etc,etc,

 

take care

 

Hey, thanks for the response on that. Wasn't looking for one, but thanks a lot!!

 

I guess in a way, I do look for hope that there is still a chance. However, I have lost hope--I'm pretty much 100% positive that he will never come back.

 

The reasons for him ending it were pretty much all over the place. At first he was just "tired of being in a relationship" then it was, "I don't see myself being obligated to anyone" "I want my freedom" "I want to be able to do whatever I want, whoever I want, whenever I want" "I saw no future with us" "We fought too much, the relationship was just unhealthy" "I don't believe in true love or soul mates" "I don't see myself settling down in a long-term commitment" ....those were pretty much his responses.

 

All are somewhat contradictory though. Even three hours before he broke up with me, he was telling me how much he loved me, how he couldn't wait to get an apartment with me, how we would get married and have babies someday, that I brought out the best in him, I was his best friend, etc.

 

My family seems to think it's because he just turned 21...and he really doesn't know what he wants...but who knows.

[1MoreChance]

poor sweet heart... I went though months of hope. Your ex sounds really really REALLY confused! (mine was extremelly confused as well!). I think some relationships are meant to be short term learning (and loving) experiences... what can you learn from that one?

I do hope that you are happy, whether he comes back or not. give yourself time.

[laisla]

It may or may not be true. I guess it depends on the person, I think most women try to hold on to a relationship and try to make it work until they have had enough. So when they do reach a point of leaving, its usually for good. For men, IMO, they might come back more often because they usually need time to process what theyve lost and its value...

 

i think i agree with this. for the most part. not always.

 

some sleazy guys try to come back later on for a "FWB" situation.

[VioletFig]

yes they do.

which is good and bad.

i think my current bf has gone back to his exgf WHILE we're still dating.

no now ill have to go nc with him so he sees what he is losing.

[MrSoAndSo2009]

To some extent, women tend to have a better social support system that helps them to get over the guy and move on.

 

Then, there are books like "It's called a break up because it's broken" (or whatever it's called), which helps to reinforce the decision to break up.

[Struggling23]

Just my two cents, women usually emotionally attach and have like another poster said all their girlfriends around them giving them advice "he's a loser bla bla".

 

Guys will fight with their girl and just say I can't take this anymore it's over, more of a rash decision.

[SpeedingCars]

In my experiences and observations from friends and stuff, yeah that's true. Once any of my girl friends make up their mind about a guy they've dumped, he's automatically "friendzoned" or she really doesn't care to keep him around. But with guys, they impulsively decide to break up with their girlfriend and they come back around.

 

Of course, that's a generalization based on my OWN experiences. But it's different and depends entirely on the individual.

 

I would say don't count on him coming back... focus on healing!

[skyblue69]

 

My family seems to think it's because he just turned 21...and he really doesn't know what he wants...but who knows.

 

 

 

Uhm, I know some 16-year-olds who KNOW what they want and are MORE mature than some 40-year-olds. .Age is nothing but a number in many instnces. It's not fair to bash the young people because of their age.

 

A lot of high school sweethearts get married and know what they want too.

[skyblue69]

But with guys, they impulsively decide to break up with their girlfriend and they come back around.

 

 

 

How long does that generally take on average?

 

3 weeks?

 

2 months?

 

6 motnhs?

 

A year... more???

[Tanzi]

"We were together for about two months. He broke up with me through text message in a very hateful way. He said some things that hurt me. I ignored it all, let it be. Two weeks after he ended it through the text, he sent me another text saying something along the lines of, "I'm sorry. I love you."

You know what I did? I immediately sent him a text right back saying, "I love you too! So much! I don't want this to happen again!" So he kept sending me texts throughout the day professing his love...never once called me, nor did I call him. But I DID respond to every single text. In the final text, he said, "so does this mean we're back together?" I sent him one back saying, "Hahaha...bull****"

 

Priceless!!!

 

From my experience I certainly think it is true. I think men act on impulse. A beautiful woman is more likely to turn a taken man's head than a good-looking man is a womans.