No Idea What I'm Doing

[Encore]

I've known a guy online for 7 years. For the past 9 months, we have been voice chatting. Since December, we have been voice chatting every night for 3-sometimes 14 hours. (one weekend)

 

Obviously, I enjoy chatting with him. He's tons of fun, and very interesting. I have found myself actually wanting to end "real" dates early to go home and chat with him.

 

We live in different states (of course) and he is going to visit my state at the end of the year.

 

We talk about everything. I have found myself drunk and flirting with him. He flirts back. Our friendship is very flirty at times.We;re always joking about sex -yet, we have also said, we'd just be very comfortable around one another. He has said he could help me zip up my dress and think nothing of it. (he is hetro)

I'm also kind of a teasing type of girl. One night, I told him he isn't allowed to have sex with any girls. It was a half joke, but he agreed to this. I'm not currently having sex with guys, and he is aware of this. he even said, "if you have sex with a guy, I will immediately go have sex with some girl" So, it's almost as though we have made some kind of deal, and now that I think about it, I'm not sure why? He knew I had a date with me on New Year's Eve, and said if he were me, he wouldn't kiss the guy. So I didn't. I was home by midnight, chatting with him.

Unless it's a power thing? I've always been the social butterfly, lots of dates, attractive blonde, but for some reason...this online guy has my attention.

 

If one of us misses our nightly conversation, the other one will joke about abandonment. He's also been REALLY thoughtful with me. He remembers everything I have said to him. (We recently started playing an online game together, and he is always sending me little things. A gamer would understand)

 

We have both stated that we don't agree with online feelings or relationships...but what is it that we're doing?

 

Also, I am 6 years older. I was goofing off about wanting to set him up with one of my friends, so I asked age range. He kept ruling out every age range, then when I asked 25-30, he said 30 was too old. I'm 31. I pretended to be all offended, and he was like, "no, you're not old. That's just my preference" I teased him about it for a few hours, then later, I said, "You do realize I was only joking about being angry with you, right?" HE said, "And I was joking about that age range. I didn't mean it. I don't think it's too old" (I'm not sure I believe that. I think he was afraid of making me angry)

 

I'm trying to condense HOURS of conversation.

Anyway, I don't know what to think.

Are we two bored people? Are we interested? I'm not sure. Maybe we're just weird?

 

I have NEVER had any type of online anything before, so this is all new and strange to me. And although, we hint, I am not about to discuss it with him. I value him as a friend, and have NO intention of making a strange, uncomfortable situation.

 

Perhaps there is ZERO interest? Help?

[laisla]

i say don't put too much stock into online connections. there seems to be some tension, have you two ever met up?

 

i had a friend like this (IRL) where we were both very flirty and loving toward each other, but never wanted each other. we were just best friends.

[amipushy]

The end of the year? Why don't you just meet up now? Thats just crazy and a waste of eight months.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Why wait until the end of the year? I would try to meet up soon, see if there is something there, and go for it.

 

Online chatting is VERY deceptive; it's reality that counts.

[Encore]

Yup. Pictures, Facebook, My Space - all of it. And LONG before we started chatting, we've always seen each other in an online community we've been a part of for years.

 

I think he's cute. I think he's fun to talk to. He IS planning a visit.

 

I seriously try not to think anything of it, or dissect it, but I'll be driving in the car, and a conversation will creep up on me, and I'll wonder why the heck we decided to agree to something. I am sure I'm also trying to figure things out about myself.

[Gratsy]

Meet with him and see what happens. he sounds weird about the age thing. If a younger guy likes me, the age thing comes up but he doesn't have a problem with it. If he does, he says something like what he said to you. But its still difficult to tell.

[Encore]

The end of the year? Why don't you just meet up now? Thats just crazy and a waste of eight months.

 

 

Well, I don't feel it's been a waste. This is someone I have only been thinking of as a friend. I don't think any type of friendship is a waste. It's been recent conversations that have made me stop and think.

 

Personally, I feel that anything more than chemistry over the net is impossible, but if that's the case, why did I seek out a message board for advice? There must be SOMETHING to it if I am seeking some sort of answer.

 

I don't want him to come now. He is in another state, and I need to decide what my deal is before he comes. I have no idea why I am even questioning this? I also have A LOT going on with work and travel, and I just don't have time atm. He also needs to save some money. He IS younger.

[Encore]

Meet with him and see what happens. he sounds weird about the age thing. If a younger guy likes me, the age thing comes up but he doesn't have a problem with it. If he does, he says something like what he said to you. But its still difficult to tell.

 

It's only 6 years. He thinks my age range should include men who are 8 years younger. That makes no sense to me. I spoke to him last night, and he started up with the whole, we're the same age thing. He insists he only said 30 was too old to rule out him dating one of my friends. He also said 23 was too young to rule out another one of them. (he's 25)

[Honey Pumpkin]

Well, I don't feel it's been a waste. This is someone I have only been thinking of as a friend. I don't think any type of friendship is a waste. It's been recent conversations that have made me stop and think.

 

Personally, I feel that anything more than chemistry over the net is impossible, but if that's the case, why did I seek out a message board for advice? There must be SOMETHING to it if I am seeking some sort of answer.

 

I don't want him to come now. He is in another state, and I need to decide what my deal is before he comes. I have no idea why I am even questioning this? I also have A LOT going on with work and travel, and I just don't have time atm. He also needs to save some money. He IS younger.

 

Yes, but both of you have said you won't have sex (or presumably seek partners) - so it IS a kind of a big deal; you're waiting on something, aren't you?

[Encore]

Yes, but both of you have said you won't have sex (or presumably seek partners) - so it IS a kind of a big deal; you're waiting on something, aren't you?

 

That's part of why I am so confused. I don't understand why we agreed to it. Why do I care if he does? That is what got me rethinking our friendship. He agrees to it, THEN says weird things like 30 being too old. Confusing.

[Gratsy]

He's delivering mixed messages. I don't like it. When he comes down, proceed cautiously and see if somethng develops. Don't count your chickens before they hatch though.He says that he only said the age thing so that you wouldn't hook him up with one of your firends, so stop dwelling on that part and take him at his word.

[amipushy]

Well, I don't feel it's been a waste. This is someone I have only been thinking of as a friend. I don't think any type of friendship is a waste.

 

I mean between now and December not the past. I mean, you could have something very special and you've wasted eight months by not getting together now.

[amipushy]

stop dwelling on that part and take him at his word.

 

I agree, sounds like he was just teasing you.

[FallenStar87]

How sweet... I'm usually very rational but I can totally relate to your story. I have no advice for you because I'd need it myself, but I really hope your relationship works.

 

Keep us posted ; )

[Encore]

I appreciate all responses. The situation is still going on. Not too much has changed. We still spend hours upon hours talking.

Despite my protests, a friend thinks that it technically IS an online relationship because of our lack of dating people. Is it because we don't feel like dealing with the drama? Or is it something more? I just feel as though it's impossible to know for sure. If I can't determine how I feel about it, I certainly can't be capable of determining his feelings.

[Encore]

He is just all kinds of confusing!

 

We tease one another. I was teasing him about some girls from our net community. (a few are actually RL friends of mine) I said I had a visual of him, and he wanted to know about the visual. I mentioned it was about sex.(sex with a girl named Alana. he doesn't like her much, so I thought her name would be fun to use) He would not let me change the subject. He started listing off the girl's names and saying "no" to sex with them. I confirmed his "no's" He could not guess. Finally he said, "not Cecily" I'm Cecily. No idea why he felt the need to say that. I told him it was Alana.

 

Because I don't know quite where we stand, I do talk to him about guys I meet, and old boyfriends who have been calling recently. He is dead set against me going out with any of them, and last night he told me that he really doesn't like it when I talk about guys to him. He said any subject besides that one is ok. Why would he care if I talk about guys?

 

He also mentioned some crush he's had for 4 years.....on someone he hasn't spoken to for 2 years? When I questioned it, he said it's really nothing.

 

I know I must sound like a stupid kid, and not a grown woman. I'm even surprised at myself, but I am intrigued by the situation. I have never experienced a net situation, so I'm not sure how to analyze it.

[waveseer]

I want to tell you something that you don't want to hear probably. I don't think he's coming. If a man wants to be with a woman, he will. He will walk there, pedal there, take a second job to get there, hitchhike there, swim there, row there, or crawl there. Don't count on him ever showing up because odds are if he isn't making firm plans then he isn't going to follow through (this is not age-dependent).

[Encore]

Ah. I forgot to add that he is coming here in November. I'm not letting him stay with me though. He'll be booking a hotel.

[amipushy]

I have to be honest, I agree with ready2heal. I'm sure you have fun together and feel somewhat connected but I get the feeling that by the time November comes one of you will have chickened out.

 

And I do understand I too have an amazing guy I have been online 'friends' with for over 7 years but at least we are honest and admit that its not going to happen.