Trying to figure out dating

[coldplay.]

A few different things are a little cloudy to me.

 

One is attraction, what ive been working on thus far has been a base from which to build on, that being initial conversations building attraction, feeling more confident ect.

 

So far ive done very well, im relatively good looking in my opinion very articulate can make a joke or witty comment when i need to but beyond that i havnt developed my interpersonal communication enough.

 

I get to a point where the initial flirtatious talk is over and its really time to get to know them, and im just kind of drawing a blank, and i dont really want to rely on the "oh the chemistry just must not be there"

 

It seems that the demeanor which i originally attracted the other with dissolves into me talking about them or myself. Which is fine dont get me wrong, but is it necessarily attractive, that im not so sure about.

 

Another thing thats cloudy, the formality of dating.

 

I dont really understand the rules 100% yet, some times im tempted to just throw them out the window and do what i feel like at that particular moment. But if there is one thing ive learned at ENA its probably that gut reactions are probably not the best.

 

It seems like such a contradiction between on one hand calling it "casual dating" and yet there is this formality to it, i dont really understand.

 

When does this elusive casual part begin, and does casualty really detract from its value? To either party concerned.

[ghost69]

for me, the casual part begins when i get the girl's number. if i'm into her i'd see her 2-3 times a week (usually weekends) and around 1.5 months if i'm feeling it i usually make it official.

[Sn0man]

I don't think anyone knows the rules 100%, in fact i'd be surprised if anyone understood the rules 20%!

[coldplay.]

I don't think anyone knows the rules 100%, in fact i'd be surprised if anyone understood the rules 20%!

 

lol hopes, dreams, shattered. jk

 

But i guess everything in life is just 'winging it' but with a measure of control, which is affectionately known as reason. Maybe i should start looking at it like that more.

[coldplay.]

I don't think anyone knows the rules 100%, in fact i'd be surprised if anyone understood the rules 20%!

 

lol hopes, dreams, shattered. jk

 

But i guess everything in life is just 'winging it' but with a measure of control, which is affectionately known as reason. Maybe i should start looking at it like that more.

[CallingAllAngels]

You'll "know it" when it's right.

[CallingAllAngels]

You'll "know it" when it's right.

[Lamprey]

When talking, ask questions. Get them involved in conversation. Don't go on & on about stuff, and when you feel there's an uncomfortable silence, sometimes it's wise not to fill it. If she's attracted to you then it's uncomfortable for her too, and she'll try to fill it herself. If she doesn't, chances are she's not into you which gives you an easy out.

 

Try a bunch of topics & see which ones she responds to. Once you get an idea of what she's interested in, feign interest in it yourself - if you actually don't have to, even better - and if you know about it, talk about that. Otherwise get her to expand on it a little.

[Lamprey]

When talking, ask questions. Get them involved in conversation. Don't go on & on about stuff, and when you feel there's an uncomfortable silence, sometimes it's wise not to fill it. If she's attracted to you then it's uncomfortable for her too, and she'll try to fill it herself. If she doesn't, chances are she's not into you which gives you an easy out.

 

Try a bunch of topics & see which ones she responds to. Once you get an idea of what she's interested in, feign interest in it yourself - if you actually don't have to, even better - and if you know about it, talk about that. Otherwise get her to expand on it a little.