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I dont know what i'm feeling??? Pining for ex but went on a date and enjoyed it??

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Ok, heres the deal, I've been broken up with my ex for 2 months now. At first we were in contact, he would be nice to me and tell me he missed me and thought about me all the time and say stuff like 'you know how i felt about you dont you?' and 'you do know i loved you dont you?'


This all got too much for me one day when he called me a 4 in the morning drunk and crying, sayin he missed me, cos i asked him what he was gonna do about it, to which he replied, 'nothing i dont love you!' Now that hurt, cos i thought he was considering a reconciliation and hadnt really moved on at all because of this, i was really angry too. He knew how i felt about him and he played with my emotions, it wasnt fair of him to do that.


So i went to see him in person and asked him not to contact me again ever cos what he was doin was wrong, he said he didnt think i'd get the wrong impression but this is BS he just wanted me hanging around for backup or comfort. This was just over 2 weeks ago and its been strict NC, and i've heard nothing from him too.


Anyway, thats the background, on to now...

I just dont know how i feel. I went out on a date 3 days ago (made myself go!) adn actually had a really nice time, got on well with the guy and even found him sexually attractive, we kissed at the end of the night and i liked it. I went home quite happy. BUT


The next day, god i was in floods of tears, really emotional and i still am. i dont know what it is i'm feeling, i feel so much for my ex but i dont know what it is, he's been awful lately and i dont want someone like that, i dont know him anymore. I dont really want him back, i love who he used to be to me but not him, and i really miss someone to hold me, you know the physical side, just touch, does that sound odd?


Now the guy i went on a date with got in touch, said he had a good night etc, i said me to and maybe we could do it again sometime. Then he said, well why dont you come up and spend the weekend sometime!!?? I thought maybe he was just sayin that and replied that it would be nice and to let me know when he's free. Well got back to me sayin that his sport season is over next week so he's free every weekend after that!!


Ok so that sounds keen, he has had lots of girls tho and i know he wants to get me into bed, which is not such a bad thing, we're both in our 30's. i dont think it would turn into a long term thing but who knows? Should i just go ad have fun, enjoy someones attention? Or would i just be using it to make me feel better? I do like this guy, and he's not a stranger (his mum's a friend of my mothers) He lives quite a way away too so even if it came to something it would be LDR.


I just dont know how i'm feeling. I see my ex round town, and think he just looks like an angel ( thats how i used to think of him, blonde curly hair, blue eyes) but at the same time he's hurt me so badly and i know he's sleeping around at the moment, so thats a deal breaker (yuk). I love who he was, i'm feeling the loss of the relationship really badly but maybe not the loss of him (who he is now). I'm really confused about everything.


Perhaps i'm just moving on a bit and thats what i dont recognise. I'd like to go spend a weekend with this new guy but at the same time dont want to get hurt, wouldnt be lovin another rejection right now. Then again why would i get hurt if i wasn't emotionally that involved? See what i mean??? I am totally confused!! any ideas folks??


sorry it was sooooo long!

thanks for reading if you got this far!!


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Very interesting read, good to see it all from another perspective and what you feel when going from a breakup into something reasonably soon after.


Just go with what makes you happy - don't do anything with the new guy to spite your ex, make sure if things happen, its for the right reasons. Not to get more over the ex, not to just get a temporary high. But like you said, if its harmless fun, why not? You are single after all, you deserve to be able to do what you want.


Just be careful not to get emotionally hurt...that's where your decision affects everything the most, as you acknowledged.

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Do you know what uj, i think i went out on this date to 'spite' my ex, well not really spite, but to show the world i guess, that i was and could move on, and ended up enjoying myself and felling attracted to the guy. which, in itself was a huge surprise!


Thats why i feel so confused i think. But having read loads of posts on here, i wonder if i'm doing the leap-frogging thing. Replacing my ex with someone else. But is that so bad? If it makes us feel good, as long as no-one is getting hurt?


I am however, worried that if it is leap-frogging, then i might end up getting hurt by this new guy. I have no idea what his intentions are to me or me to him, so perhaps i should go with the flow and get to know him a little? It could just be sex entirely for him, who knows?


And i suppose the fact that he doesnt live near me makes it kind of 'safe', if we dont get on or it doesnt last, at least we dont have to bump into each other all the time.


I just dont want to get hurt, or hurt anyone elses feelings either. This new guy is 32 tho, and doesnt seem to have very long relationships, a few months at a time or whatever, whereas i have had several long term relationships. Dont know if this says anything about either of us, but all i know is that he is attractive, successful and intelligent. Not sure if a mum of 2, with only a half decent job and not that much money would be what he had in mind for a partner.


HA!! I'm thinking way to much about this, i hate the way i over analyse everything!!!!

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Well, I think it was inevitable that you felt so upset after your date - you are still so hung up on your ex.


I would just say to take things really really slowly. Sure, go spend the weekend with this other guy, but make sure you are doing it for all the right reasons, and not as a bandaid to getting over your ex because that will likely backfire on you big time and then you will be a mess.


Only you know what is right - with a bit more time your confusion will begin to disappear.


Also, remind yourself of how poorly your ex treated you - what a jerk!



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Well you are in basically the same situation as my ex is. She left me, went straight into seeing someone else (although you didn't rush the way she did!), and thats about where we left things. I have been no contact for 29 days since her first weekend dating him. So I am reading your thoughts with interest, and kind of getting some sort of insight into what she was thinking as she made that step.


I couldn't, but that's easy to say when there are no offers on the table. But in terms of what she did, never. Could never start seeing someone less than 3 weeks after being intimate with someone you've been with long term.

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Hi Mark,


Yes what a jerk!!! LOL!


So as you can tell i went on the date, and i'm glad i did! I very nearly bailed!


Well its nothing definate yet, i just thanked him and said i'd let him know. It a couple of weeks until he'd be free anyway, so thats a bit more time to get my head straight.


Always glad to hear your good advice, thanks. I really will give it some thought, and yes i am hung up on my ex, but not who he is, just who i thought he was and i can see the difference and i really dont like it, so thats a step in the right direction i guess.


Thanks x

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Uj, there is a slight difference in my situation i'm guessing tho. My ex and i were together for nearly 3 yrs and the last year has not been good for me, we've broken up before and this for me has to be the final rejection. He broke up with me and i was devastated, he wanted to keep me in the background but i couldnt be his emotional crutch so he could get over us, so i had to go NC.


Yes i was totally in love with him, but he wasnt in love with me, well not for the last year i dont think. So there comes a time when you have to move on. My ex is sleeping around, geting drunk with his mates any chance he can and that really shows me that he's not a person i want to be with. I dont love who he is now, the person i loved has gone.


You dont have to do anything until you're ready. I dont even know if i'm ready, I'm just checking out the possibilities. Perhaps she's ready cos she's the one that ended it with you, and had already checked out emotionally, i cant really say. I take it she was the one to end it?



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Yes - you have another couple of weeks to think about things so that is a good thing. There is no rush.


It is sad but also powerful when those rose tinted glasses start coming off and you begin to see what your ex has really become. He has an awful lot of growing up to do and that ain't happening any time soon.


Keep strong darling and enjoy this weather if you can get out!



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