Facebook set me back a bit.. but now I'm back on track.

[IBelieve]

Doh! I checked my friend's facebook just now (my ex is blocked on facebook). As much as I hate to admit it, I have to be honest and say subconsciously I was trying to get news of my ex.

 

And of course, most of the time when you seek something out, you get what you are looking for and then some. I noticed her new bf had commented on my friends' wall so I clicked his name and was able to access his photo album. I saw some pics of their most recent weekend outing. It looks like shes having a blast and has gotten completely over me. Congrats to her I guess?

 

I'm not sure how I am feeling. I am certainly taking this a lot better than I would have even 2-3 weeks ago which is a good sign. It feels like there is a heavy weight in my chest though. I don't feel like crying or anything like that at all. I just feel a little down and I know that by doing this I have forced myself to take a few steps back. Lesson learned. I'm not going to give in to temptation and do this again thats for sure.

 

I also don't have the urge to contact her. I'm sticking to NC. Seeing her getting along so well just reinforces my resolve to not contact her ever again. The same questions occasionally cross my mind, "i wonder if she still thinks of me?", "does she ever have regret?" But unlike a few weeks ago though, I'm realizing that these questions don't and shouldn't really matter to me.

 

I still find it so weird that while I was doing it, I knew that if I found out any info on her it would set me back a bit but I did it anyways. Its so strange.

 

Typing this post and rereading it a few times has made me feel significantly better. I have a feeling that this is going to be a good summer

I'm graduating this year and I just found out today that I have a job interview on Wednesday. Good luck to me!

 

I think I'm rambling for the sake of it now. No one to talk to about this in real life at the moment so I thought I'd just rant about it here. Feel free to post advice or comments As always, much appreciated.

 

(Even though it hurt to see her with someone else I really feel I have come a long way. Things just feel.. i dunno.. better than they used to for some reason?)

 

Goodnight! Wow, my mood changed so drastically while typing post.. haha

[IBelieve]

Responding to another thread has made me wonder about this..

 

Question: Why is it that some people hate doing things in person?

 

For example: After 3 years my ex broke up with me over the phone. It seems so heartless. Not that I'm crying over it now.. I'm just reflecting. Off the top of my head there were other things that SHOULD have been done in person but were done via email. I hate it, it seems like the easy way out. You don't have to deal with the consequences.. you just type/call and thats it.