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21 years old and feeling ready to...


havefaith

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...settle down. I can't help but feel guilty for feeling this way. I thought it may be temporary, but it's been maybe a few months now that the thoughts just won't leave my head.

 

In addition to having always matured faster than my peers, I have learned a LOT about relationships, especially over the past year. I had one of the most long and painful splits, I had been dating my HS sweetheart for 3 years, one year in LDR, and when we finally reunited it turned out he wasn't who I thought he was and I was really abandoned in a time of need. Break up dragged on for a year, on and off. It really forced me to get on my feet and find myself. After dating around after that, I finally feel like I KNOW when a guy is into me or not, I just don't put up with crap, I'm honest with myself and with others. I feel like an independent person. I feel like I know what I want.

 

That said, I have been with this other guy for maybe 4 months now but he has been into me and around for more like 8 months. He is almost 23 and things are just different with him, I've never gotten along with someone like I do with him. We not only have a great time 99% of the time no matter what it is we're doing, we're so good at solving every day problems as a team. He is patient with me, he's a family man, he talks about kids and he's had hard times of his own -- simply put, he has got it together. I have been home to spend time with his family multiple times. Before we were even dating (I was opposed to it at first), I remember looking at my best friend and telling her I thought I could see myself with this man at the end of the day.

 

Suffice it to say, it fits.

 

I'm graduating from college next year and I feel like I'm supposed to be freaked out by the thought of getting married. I'm not. In fact, it makes me happy to think of it. Of course I don't want kids right away, but it doesn't feel terribly far off to me. A lot of my girlfriends don't see it happening for them for another 10 years. I'm just struggling because as a rising senior in college I'm making all these big decisions about what I want to do in my future, which direction I want to head in, and while I'm on a really great career path (have internships, etc lined up), I can't stop getting excited about marriage and houses and kids and the like.

 

I know people are ready at different times, but what the hell is wrong with me? So scared of rushing and making bad choices, but at the same time, how does it all feel like it "fits" for me if I'm supposed to be waiting til my late twenties..??

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There's no right "age" to start feeling this way. It really is a matter of maturity combined with individual personality and background. Coming up on graduation doesn't mean those feelings have to be complicated. If you're really bound to marry a person, then you will find a way to make it work while also making other big decisions in your life.

 

Just take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Everything will fall into place.

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Thanks guys, that's really helpful advice. I guess I'm just grappling with 1. what it means, if anything, that I feel this way and 2. even more importantly, the guilt I feel. I hinted at these feelings to my parents, and my dad more or less told me he did not work hard to pay for a top 20 university education just for me to get married out of college. I don't see it that way, because I sure hope marriage isn't the end of my career & my life!

 

It's just hard to think about the rest of my future, to be planning it, and not be allowed to think about/plan this part... I feel secure, I feel strong, I feel like I would be ready sooner rather than later.

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I am 21 and planning the wedding of my dreams and the scary part for most people is.. I am ready to settle down with one person for the rest of my life. There comes a time when I think you just get the feeling that it is "right" and I have that feeling. Something I Have never experienced before. Like another poster said, there isn't a right nor wrong age to feel ready to settle down.

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There is no right or wrong here, like you said people do mature at different rates and feel different things.

 

At 18 I was looking for a serious relationship. I've never been one to date around. I've always felt more mature than most of my peers and never did the typical things people my age did.

 

I would have been very content to start a family years ago, and to this day would be very happy to settle down and have that phase of my life, it's something I've been wanting from a very early age.

 

Just because some people want to wait till later, doesn't mean you have to, or should. Especially if it's not the 'right' feeling for you. There is nothing wrong with you.

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