last straw

[soursobgirl]

I don’t know what other peoples opinions but is this a bad sign.

We have lunch everyday with my SO and today we just sat drinking our coffees in silence. My SO was just looking around and staring into space. I asked him what was up and he is like nothing im just mellow.

 

He is very much concentrated on himself at the moment working out and going to the gym.

 

We had a huge fight on the weekend and he said he was confused and didn’t know what he wanted. He switched off his phone for 4 hours and ignored everyone and disappeared. He later returned and said he was contemplating ending his life and went to go visit his dad at his grave ( his father has passed away )

 

We decided to give our relationship another shot. But I have so much to deal with at the moment.

 

- Do you think he could be over me and doesn’t want to break it off, or cant?

- What should I do about the suicidal attempt or even the thought of it.

- He has become really emotionally unavailable.

[Sn0man]

He sounds depressed IMO. People can get into slumps now and then. How long ago did his father pass away? You could ask him about it...he'll probably deny it but it would at least show that you care enough about his well being to ask. The suicide talk is troubling though, maybe suggest he see his doctor about antidepresants based on that alone...

[Blanco Nino]

Sorry about your situation. I don't think there is much you can do for someone who is depressed. If I were you I'd suggest professional help and if he says no maybe back off. Let him come to you if he needs someone. At the same time though don't let him use you as his personal help. You have your life and needs also. It can't be a one way street.

[Sn0man]

Sorry about your situation. I don't think there is much you can do for someone who is depressed. If I were you I'd suggest professional help and if he says no maybe back off. Let him come to you if he needs someone. At the same time though don't let him use you as his personal help. You have your life and needs also. It can't be a one way street.

Don't go suggesting a therapist, going to see a doctor is bad enough. If he feels he needs one he'll seek one out on his own. If you care about him, now is about the worst time to back off ever, but you do need to make sure he doesn't use you as his only means of emotional support.

[Blanco Nino]

Don't go suggesting a therapist, going to see a doctor is bad enough. If he feels he needs one he'll seek one out on his own. If you care about him, now is about the worst time to back off ever, but you do need to make sure he doesn't use you as his only means of emotional support.

 

I'm just going by a few of her other threads. This ain't the first last straw post. Tell him to go seek help then roll out.

[soursobgirl]

if you read my other posts you will see what i have been going through with him....

I mean our intimate life has gone down hill. I have noticed he seems much happier when he works out.

He also blamed the attempt on taking his life on me... I feel terrible.

I made the error of suggesting that he should go see someone and that made him more emotionally unavaliable.

He said he thinks he is ugly and that he isnt good looking ( he is not ugly ) and it doesnt matter what I say.

[soursobgirl]

I'm just going by a few of her other threads. This ain't the first last straw post. Tell him to go seek help then roll out.

 

Roll out meaning? End the relationship?

[Blanco Nino]

I don't think you can handle him. You're not a professional and that's what he needs. Anything you say or do is going to get turned around or looked at with suspicion. Believe me a seriously depressed SO nearly caused ME to kill myself!

[soursobgirl]

I myself am on 20mg of Lexapro... I have been on them for 2 weeks and plan on staying on them. They make me a little tired and have killed my appetite for food which is good in ways.

He is a type 1 diabetic since age 5.... his moods are going to be affected due to his sugar levels. I have done extensive research on this. Not only does his mood suffer, his perfomance in the bedroom also suffers. It used to bother me but now it doesnt.

We always say this is going to be the last straw and it never is. I wish it was. I am so numb today I dont know what to do.

[Blanco Nino]

It's a really bad situation. You want to leave but you think he might snap and you want to stay but you're not a superhero that can fix everything. I know the feeling well!

[soursobgirl]

Its really draining. Im sick of worrying if we are going to be okay. We seriously fight once a week and over little and stupid things.

The fight on Sunday was about me not backing him up at the family table about a situation. Then he snapped and me and told me it was 'over' in front of his mum took his car keys and sped off... he is 30 years old...

we sorted it out and I asked him if he cared for me and he said yes... so I said we wouldnt fight again and that he needs to tell me what he thinks and what is going through his mind.

I am drained.

[jul-els]

He also blamed the attempt on taking his life on me... I feel terrible.

 

Whoa! Hold the phone! That is abuse and you should not be tolerating it. Once that door is open it only gets worse and he is setting the stage for it now. You need to get out before things get worse. Leave him and his problems behind you and don't look back.

[Blanco Nino]

People that are clinically depressed are not capable of stringing together many good days in a row. There is always going to be that awful day or days and you know it's coming. Does he know about the Lexapro? I would suggest not telling him about it if he does not know. I got on Welbutrin when I was trying to help my ex. When I told her it was working for me and she should try getting help too she went nuts and blamed herself for screwing me up. Which I guess was true. Should have thought of that one before I told her...

[Sn0man]

Whoa! Hold the phone! That is abuse and you should not be tolerating it. Once that door is open it only gets worse and he is setting the stage for it now. You need to get out before things get worse. Leave him and his problems behind you and don't look back.

Yeah, I have to agree with jul-els. If he's blaming his wanting to kill himself on you that isn't healthy. You also don't sound happy to be in this relationship, and you shouldn't feel the need to stay in it for fear of what he might do without you. He's a 30 year old man, and as one myself, he can take care of himself. Or at least he should.

 

I haven't read your other posts so I don't know the whole backstory, but from what i'm reading here, you just don't sound like you should be in this relationship. Once they turn sour it's hard, if not impossible, to sweeten them up again.

[soursobgirl]

He doesn’t know about the lexapro just yet.

I don’t think it’s the right time to tell him .

 

Thing is when we are good together its AMAZING and I have all those butterflies. We never have a steady relationship its either hearts and roses or we are both miserable.

Granted I haven’t been easy to get along with either. I am very up and down with my moods and he said he cant handle it and I cant handle his hypo’s either.

 

I wish we could sort this out and make a smooth pattern.

 

I know he shouldn’t have blamed the attempt on me but we all say things out of anger. He said to me he just doesn’t want to feel like that again. I think it was also the fact that his mother told him off in front of me for talking to me like I was dirt, that’s what set him off. I think he felt everyone was against him and that his dad would have stuck up for him if he was alive, hence the reason going to his grave.

[Sn0man]

I had a girlfriend several years ago and we had a really rocky relationship. Sometimes things were great, other times they were a disaster. We would fight, make up, fight, make up and so on and so forth. I also had a situation similar to what you describe above (with his mom telling him off) only in reverse. Also, she was the one with depression. I think I have some clue as to what you're going through.

 

Relationships can get tough. It comes down to how much you're willing to invest in it. Is this relationship worth the difficulties you have to put up with to make it work? If so, then stick with it. If not, don't.

 

I got out of the one I was in, then regretted it. Still do. That was 8 years ago. I always think - what if I could have just spent some extra time trying to understand her...

[jul-els]

I know he shouldn’t have blamed the attempt on me but we all say things out of anger. He said to me he just doesn’t want to feel like that again. I think it was also the fact that his mother told him off in front of me for talking to me like I was dirt, that’s what set him off. I think he felt everyone was against him and that his dad would have stuck up for him if he was alive, hence the reason going to his grave.

 

So he was being abusive because he was mad about being abusive to you earlier? There's something very wrong with this picture and you are trying to justify his behavior. You deserve better than that. His own mother even noticed it. He is setting you up for some really rough times ahead. You should do yourself a favor and get out before things get worse.

[Northern_Chick]

It depends on if you still really want this relationship in your life or not .

It sounds like he's consumed with his grief and wants to shut everyone out and have time alone . Thats how some people deal . He needs to talk to a therapist if he's having suicidal thoughts, you could give him a contact number and say its just an idea he might want to try, and then leave it be, but, that suggestion might anger him .

You could keep your distance for a couple weeks and tell him youre giving him space to deal with his problems but that he can reach you when he wants to . He could be acting this way for a long time, it just depends on if he wants to find a way out or not, and if you can stand him being this way for however long he's going to be this way.

Best wishes for you both .

[Northern_Chick]

I didnt mean to post twice but I wanted to add something, if someone is deppressed and angry, you can offer your help, you can be there when they want to talk, but, you have to look after yourself too, if he becomes verbally/physically abusive or abuses drugs or alcohol you have to walk away, offer help and support if you want to, but walk away, people make changes when they want to and when they are ready, pushing them wont help, and its hard to walk away unless the person is being really awful all the time, but only they can help themselves.

[soursobgirl]

I asked him waht the issue was and he said this relationship is the only thing that is making him sad...

[jul-els]

I asked him waht the issue was and he said this relationship is the only thing that is making him sad...

 

Sounds like there's nothing to stick around for. You don't need that. There are plenty of other people in the world who will treat you much better.

[soursobgirl]

i have made a diary of how we fight and I have written to myself that I promise next time i feel like this I am going to end it.

Since he is looking after himself so much I think I am going to do the same I am going to book a haircut, and maybe a massage and pamper myself.

I have spoken to his sister about his behavior and she said to back off from him because he acts like a child... even my dad said the same thing.

Reading my own posts I can see this vicious cycle and thats whats scaring me.

But how do you help a SO who thinks he is ugly. How do you undo all the damage that other girls have called him ugly to his face? How is that my problem now?

[jul-els]

You can't fix it. It's not your job. Your job is to take care of yourself and do what's best for you.