feeling like I can't measure up

[g84]

I struggle with self-confidence a lot, and i often am not sure how to view myself.

I don't have much dating experience, and i have a big fear of not being good enough for anyone (I know how bad that must sound). After reading what some guys find to be turn offs or turn ons (whether it is physically, mentally, emotionally), i immediately start to feel like i won't ever be good enough for anyone or measure up to their standards. Not too long ago, I had a little more confidence in myself, and I knew what my strong points were. Now I feel like it is all meaningless. I kind of feel like I have to work hard to be good enough for someone else

Does anyone ever relate to these feelings and what do you do about them? I'm having a lot of trouble with these feelings and thoughts today : (.

thank you

[doc wannabe]

That is totally me! I have struggled with this for as long as I can remember; I mean even as a child in pre-school from my first memories. It is absolutely the most horrible thing in the world, you feel like you are ranked person 6 billion out of a world population of 6 billion. I still have a lot of issues with comparing myself to others out there, and I always come up short. I just have to remind myself that I am fundamentally no worse off than the next joe. I am as lovable as the next guy. It's a day to day struggle, but each baby step forward counts and if you are still standing at the end of the day, you have won My thoughts are with you.

[WorkingInLin]

I feel the same way. I don't have much dating experience either, and I feel really self conscious about it. I don't want to reach 30 and still be a virgin, however I'm closer to 30 than I was even two years ago.

 

I know I'm not a freak, but at the same time, I can't help thinking that people think I'm one because I'm behind the curve relationship wise.

[g84]

Even though i have felt sad about not having much experience before, this isn't really why i'm feeling down this time. I think i just generally don't feel good enough.

[COtuner]

Even though i have felt sad about not having much experience before, this isn't really why i'm feeling down this time. I think i just generally don't feel good enough.

 

I get that way sometimes. Mainly because everyone I'm attracted to is already married or in a LTR - it makes me focus on why other women meet the criteria and I don't. I start to hate that I grew up racing cars instead of playing with barbie dolls, or that I'm really intelligent instead of giggly and flirty, or that I'm more Christie Brinkley-ish than Megan Fox-ish.

 

In reality, they had better timing and circumstances - doesn't mean they have something I don't or are more attractive than me.

[ellandroader]

I feel that way a lot too. And I think I try too hard. I am very friendly and whatnot, a decent guy but tend to feel that I have to fight a bit harder than everyone else just to get what I need to get,

 

It's a strange feeling, we're all wtih you.

[Johnathan]

Yes I've definitely strugled with this over the years. There actually is something even more demoralizing too, I've learned....it's the times when I do feel very confident and attractive, and STILL can't attract anyone I want to attract... mainly because no one I'm attracted to is available (and believe me, I've been trying). It's really frustrating. I think the only place worse than this city would be one of those hardcore military towns where it's impossible to meet/make a good impression on good women unless you're in the military. Or, a small college town where it's impossible to meet good women unless you're in a frat. That kind of thing. My city is not quite that bad, but I think it does go in that direction depending on where you hang out.

To answer your last question, what I'm going to do about it is eventually I'm going to move out of this town I live in and move to another part of the state where I have just as many friends, but could maybe start enjoying life more. I've lived here almost my whole life and I know in my heart it's time to move on. I've learned that there's only so much YOU can do before you realize you really are bound by your environment. And all this place does is drag me down.

[Kinetics]

I feel the same way. It's not like I want to point the blame on other things, but I think I've blamed myself more than enough times that it's time I turn the table around.

 

I also seem to attract the wrong people, and wished that I could return those feelings, but I can't. I only see them as friends. Can't force love, you know...

 

Moving out is also what I am currently thinking of doing. I don't know if I've given enough chances where I am now, but it sure isn't getting any better. If anyone has the option to move on with their life somewhere else, I think there's no harm in trying.