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I want to call her


troubbble

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I know its a bad idea. We've been going NC for about 2 months now. With a few calls from her telling me that she misses me and she regrets the decision she made to break up with me, but wants to be friends. I broke once and called her too. I was just lonely and made a bad decision. I feel like NC has been good, since I've been able to improve myself and focus on other parts of my life, but I still want her back. The last call, the one which involved her saying that she felt like she made a mistake by breaking up with me, has been burning inside me. I want to call her and try to work things out. I can't tell if this is too early and too small of a glimmer of hope to work with to try to rebuild the relationship, or if she will even want to.

I'm just all torn up inside. I need some advice.

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I agree with Rob1000, don't push it. Let her come to you. Try to be fun and upbeat when she calls, smile. Let her know it's nice talking to her. BEWARE of the friend-zone though. Unless she's looking to date or hang out together (as a couple) I'd suggest you keep your distance.

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look, if he just sits and wait for her to call again, it's not going to happen. because she'll get the message that he doesn't want her. trust me, she's not a mind reader. i didn't call my ex back when he asked me to call him, and after two weeks, he moved on even though I really wanted him to call me back and ask me back again. people are not mind readers. if you do want her back, then call her. she's not a mind reader.

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look, if he just sits and wait for her to call again, it's not going to happen. because she'll get the message that he doesn't want her. trust me, she's not a mind reader. i didn't call my ex back when he asked me to call him, and after two weeks, he moved on even though I really wanted him to call me back and ask me back again. people are not mind readers. if you do want her back, then call her. she's not a mind reader.

 

She didn't ask for him back. She said she would like to be "friends". A big if not monumental step.

 

Then again OP, you could call and tell her that you'd also like to try again. You want to date again and take it slow. Again, beware you may not like the answer you get in return.

 

My guess is she misses the contact with you but not necessarily the relationship aspect. She just wants the “friend” so she feels better, guilt relief maybe.

 

Ultimately you want to get back together… if you truly feel being her friend is going to get you there go for it, be that friend. Generally when the two in a broken relationship try to be friends after the break-up one has the hidden agenda to get back together the other is just there for the comfort and familiarity. Someone usually gets pretty hurt.

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Each time NC was broken on her part I let her know that I wanted to be with her, and that we didn't have to rush back into a full relationship, but that is what i ultimately wanted, and she said she wasn't ready to do that. That there might be a chance in the future. I told her I couldn't be friends, that it would just tear me apart. Then we went back to NC. This was the first time she had ever mentioned that she regretted her decisions. But she still doesn't want to be in a relationship with me from what she says. Call me selfish, but I can't go into it as a friendship with there being even the slightest chance that she may move on to someone else while we're in this friendship phase. It would crush me.

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She's answered everything you needed to know. She's looking for comfort, familiarity, and maybe some guilt relief.

 

Last questions for you… so you two become friends and then she meets some guy and starts dating him, will you be crushed or accept it as a good friend? If you're crushed by this and let her know it how are you going to feel when she says, "Well you have nothing to be mad about, we're just friends... I told you I only wanted to be friends."

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where's I am right now emotionally. I would probably flip out on both of them in public and make a scene. But I know I don't want friendship. I'm not going to be friends with her. My question was is this the time to kind of reintroduce the idea of trying the relationship again, however seriously or casually she wants it. Or should I break NC at all. since NC has only seemed to make her realise she misses me should i hold out a little longer and see if she is more sure about going back into this?

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We've alreay answered this. Asking again and again till you get the answer you want isn't the best advice either.

 

Anything worth while in life generally is not found on the paved road. In other words, sometimes you have to take a stance, remain strong, and endure. It's then that these efforts bare fruit.

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So despite everyone's advice, except meepmeep's, I called her and I asked her if she wanted to go out and get a drink(I don't drink but she does and I figured this was a good public place to meet), she accepted but I felt a little hesitation in her voice.

We met at the bar. I stayed as upbeat as possible, tried not to talk about myself to much and I genuinely did really just want to hear her talk. We were there for about an hour and a half. She drank one beer and then just let the empty glass sit the rest of the time. She seemed really uncomfortable. Not that there weren't some laughs and good times, but I got the impression that she didn't want to be there. All I wanted to do was stare into her eyes.

We said our goodbyes and there wasn't even a hug.

How does it go from, "I am regretting the decision i made to break up with you" to this.

Its going to be a long, sad, lonely night. I could use some words of support. OR some I told you sos. or some "you're just reading into this wrong, this is how most of these first post breakup meetings go"s. Anything. I just feel really alone right now.

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Dear troubble,

 

I so much feel for you... Please, don't do this to yourself, please. I know how terribly it hurts right after such meeting, I was there 16 days ago, crying my eyes out and feeling like dying. Please talk to someone right now, a friend someone you can trust and even cry, just release this burden.

 

Please, don't see her anymore, it is not the time yet. You are playing with yourself, I bet you know everything about NC. 16 days later you will be better, I promise you, not too much but you will be able to breathe. There are so many nice people and girls in this world, you will find someone so much better than her and you will thank her one day. I know everyone says that but believe me, I am much closer to your situation (just 16 days).

 

So, please, stop it and help yourself, go NC right away. Even making the decision will help you right now.

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NC is time fro two people to sit things out and work through little issues, its also sometimes the best time to win someone back. If you still care for her and you see a glimmer of hope, call her, tell her that you miss her, dont pressure her into sayin anything back... just call her and say "-------, please just listen to me and dont say anything back that you dont feel back.... but I just called to say that I miss you and want to say Im sorry for every little thing thats lead us up to this point"

 

 

just call her guy, what do you honestly have to loose...

 

 

you call the girl - you get a chance to talk to her and win her back, if she says no

 

than you in the same boat as if you didnt call her...

 

DO IT

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Just take a chance.

You're going to get in soooooooo much trouble with the "NC Police."

 

I feel as though maybe he should take a chance too. He just needs to think ahead, moderate his expectations and be prepared to crash and burn.

 

What we hear so little about on this forum are personlity types. I agree in principal that the "dumpee" should wait for the "dumper" to reinitiate contact, but it actually depends on the personality types of the participants invloved. Some people (on either side) are never going to reinitiate contact, because it's not their nature to resolve conflict.

 

These situations ultimately have to be considered case by case.

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NC is time fro two people to sit things out and work through little issues, its also sometimes the best time to win someone back. If you still care for her and you see a glimmer of hope, call her, tell her that you miss her, dont pressure her into sayin anything back... just call her and say "-------, please just listen to me and dont say anything back that you dont feel back.... but I just called to say that I miss you and want to say Im sorry for every little thing thats lead us up to this point"

 

 

just call her guy, what do you honestly have to loose...

 

 

you call the girl - you get a chance to talk to her and win her back, if she says no

 

than you in the same boat as if you didnt call her...

 

DO IT

 

Well now that's a sinking ship.

 

I'm sorry, maybe I should say I STRONGLY disagree with this advice.

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