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How to prepare for bumping into an ex.


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Hi there,

 

My ex goes to the same gym as me so we're eventually going to bump into each other. He's moved on (left me for an ex) and I'm not completely over him.

 

The problem is that I get really really nervous when I go because I'm affraid he'll be there...not that I wouldn't love to see him but...I don't know what my problem is. I try to go when I think he's not there but I don't really know his work schedule.

 

What do I say to him if I see him? Just hi? More than hi? Nothing? I feel like, if I have a plan of how I'm going to react, I won't be so nervous.

 

Thanks so much

 

P.S. Going to another gym is not an option for various reasons.

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What are the reasons you can't go to another gym? I would avoid the gym for at least a few months until you feel healed. Take walks, workout at other places.

 

If you feel healed now, I would just give him a quick hello and move on with your workout. No chit chat. No catching up. No extended conversation. But no need to completely ignore if he's in your face because it indicates anger on your part.

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If it ended well (no hasty name calling) then a "hi, how's it going?" is suitable. The reponse will probably be "I'm fine and you?" Don't read into his "I'm fine" it means nothing he's being polite don't assume he feeling wonderful that he got rid of dead weight (ie you) and don't assume he's feeling terrible that he lost the greatest thing that ever happened to him (ie you). I'm fine is the standard response, one shouldn't read into it. And once he asked you how you are you should respond with "I'm fine, have a good work out!" and leave it at that.

 

Keep it friendly but brief.

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I wouldn't attempt small talk. If you're hurting, even that small conversation could twist your emotions into a pretzel again. Plus I don't know how your relationship ended or his personality, but he might not even want to talk.

 

Best thing to do if you see him is just be mature about it. Give a smile and a wave and then carry on with your workout.

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Thanks so much everyone. It was a short-term relationship (one month talking and two months dating). We clicked very well so things went quickly. He broke-up with me suddenly, after he bumped into his ex from three years ago and realized he still had feelings for her. Although, he had feelings for me, he felt he needed to give their relationship another try. From what he told me, they dated for three years and it ended badly. Anyways, he let me down gently and was hoping to keep me in his life as a friend. I was mature about the whole thing but declined friendship. I feel silly to still be thinking about him a month later but I guess it's hard to get over someone who you didn't know long enough to see their bad side. I really think we could have had something long-term and meaningful.

 

Thanks again for your advice.

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OP, why didn't you want to stay friends with him?

 

I had strong feelings for him and it would have hurt too much for me to be friends with him while he pursued a relationship with his ex.

 

After two weeks of NC, I told him I was ready to be friends. He was glad so we arranged a coffee date. I was excited and hoping to hear that things weren't going well with the ex.

 

The day before the date, I called to cancel because I didn't want to get hurt. He told me that things between them are going well. They are taking it slow. I was glad that I made the decision not to meet with him in person. After that, I told him that I won't be contacting him because I need to move on but that I would like to be friends in the future. I haven't spoken to him since...that was two weeks ago.

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I would let him make the first move. Years ago I went through a bad breakup. Even though the lion's share of responsibility fell upon her, I strove to re-establish the friendship. I did so at the expense of my dignity. I chased like a puppy dog. I would not make the same mistake again and I'm sure you won't either.

 

Should he approach you and you feel the need, feel free to be cordial. No sense in showing him that he has any hold over you. Should he not acknowledge your presence or even worse, outright ignore you -- walk past him with your chin up and head held high. If he wants to reconnect with you, he knows how.

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Dream about your ex
Dream about your ex

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