Wanted Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Ok, so as most of you read on my last thread my ex wanted to go to Miami with me this weekend, so we went. This is how most of it was... Wednesday: She comes to my house after work and gives me a letter which she wanted me to read in front of her, so I did. Well I thought there was no shot in hell with her but in this letter was like a miricle for me. She wanted to get back togher but take it VERYYYY slow!? So I agree. We go inside, lay down, cuddle, and kiss for the first time in WEEKS! She leaves and it feels like the old us! We talk later that night, she says I love you before we hang up and blows me a kiss, JUST like we always did before. Thursday: So Thursday rolls around and we are texting all day back and forth while I am at work about random things and our trip. Later that night I end up going to her house and we eat, go get ice cream and go back to her place lay down and do a lot of talking. At one point she looks right in my eyes and says "You ARE the one" something we used to say to each other allll the time! So I am sooo happy, I am ready and looking forward to us! We end up having sex, and everything, cudled after, did more talking , the whole 9 and I end up sleeping over. Friday: So I wake up and have to rush to work kiss her, and say goodbye. We text eachother all day again and yada yada...Later that night after work we paln on going to her house again but she calls saying her friend wants to go out and I understood cause her and her friends have not been out togher in a while and I want to show her I don't mind it anymore and I honestly did not (Becuase it was to a cub) so I don't even stress it at all. So I tell her have fun and call me when you get out. She agrees. So 4am rolls around and she calls crying becuase she loses her blackberry and I.d. And I talk to her, tell her well get a new one, you know everything anyone would say! So she gets over it we hang up, ect. And I fall asleep very optiamistic about the whole situtation. Saturday: So I go to work and she is getting ready for our trip. I get out extra early, get ready and we leave...oh and the guy that found the phone decided to give it back so I pick it up for her. We are on our way down and we go vist my father, then go to my friends. We end up going to some club but we are both beat up from the 4 hour drive so we just chill and talk. I said on the way back I want to talk and try to fix the things we messed up on, and come to agreements and ect. And she says that is true, we do need to do that so I say ok. So we leave early, shower (Together) and go to sleep cuddling and everthing...like before, I am telling you, everthing felt like was going down the right path. Sunday: So we wake up, and get ready for the beach like we planned all week and we end up going a little later, thanks to mr. Friend..lol So we are on our way to the beach and I see her texting the guy she had told me two nights ago she was not talking to no more (And I believe it becuase he changed his headline on myspace to "Damn" and his mood to "confused") so this is how I seriously thought everything was back to normal. So I get a little mad and brush it off becuase the situation is delicate. I handled it well I believe. So we continue the day, bathe, ect. On our way back she falls asleep on my lap the whole 30mins back to our friends house and we get there pack up and head back home and here is the "talk"... Well turns out she is "not feeling it still" and that she does not want to try anymore and all this comes to shock becuase everything she has said, and acted was totally diffrent from what she is telling me now? Even my friend which is aware of the situtauon said "You guys look good' which I was happy about, till now! I end up saying that we are not going to work if this guy is in the picture because everything was fine until she texted him. And we end up arguing about a bunch of stuff and her mom calls and I guess her and her boyfrind are having problems and he hit her or something so my ex is crying and I give her comfort and talk to her, ect. And we talk about other things and then she says so what were we talking about? And I said don't worry well talk another time becuase you have your moms problems in your head and I don't want to add problems to you so we listen to music (Remember we are driving back home) so we bring it back up and at this point I am in shock, confused, fustrated, wondering if I did something wrong, and really emotional, and angry so I end up saying she will have to pick between me and this guy, straight up. And she stays quite and I keep asking and she says she shouldent have to have to pick between us and that she dosent want me to do nothing stupid and I could already see her answer before she even said it. I kept saying becuase your going to pick him right? And I repeated it about 5-6 times until she said yes. And I stood quite, millions of emotions flowing thru my body and said fine, ill just walk away from your life, I throw in the towel with you. And she stays quite. Drop her off, go home and I go to sleep. I wake up and leave her a text saying and quoting her "I want to take it sloww" What do you guys thinks of this whole senerio? What should I do/not do? I think she is just SERIOUSLY confused! And I don't even know anymore, even my friend which knows EVERYTHING is shocked, he's a mutal friend that she talks to with confidence about us and so am I! Link to comment
DN Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 I think this is a woman that you should totally walk away from and never see or talk to again. Do not take her messages, do not check up on her and put her out of your heart and your head - and never let her back in. "I shouldn't have to choose"!!! Who does she think she is?? You are truly better off without her. Link to comment
and again Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 sorry to hear this mate, im going through excact same thing after getting back with my ex last week, except there is no one else involved. Only advice i can give you is go nc, thats the only way she will miss you. Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 If you read my thread, I had a VERY similar situation although it was completely reversed because I was the dumper, made him suffer, and only wanted him back when he met a new girl (ONLY because I didn't want him back). He got VERY confused between the two of us when I came back, decided to dump her, did the whole weekend trip, I love you, you are one, and bla bla... Well, when I was 100% sure we were back and the girl was out of the picture, he does a 360 and chose to be with the new girl. It broke my heart and nearly killed me. So please walk away and do NC. When there's a third party involved the ex has a very big ego boost and us hanging in the picture waiting just makes them feel safer to chose the new and exciting person... Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 ...and she says she shouldent have to have to pick between us... Dude... really... think about this statement... Link to comment
Cnstnt Evolutn Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 You took it too quickly...she even said she wanted slow so i would take that as no sex for her and no hanging out every day even... Make her wait for it and want it more. Basic psychology, i think you're making yourself too available. slow down and take some time for yourself. Link to comment
wishingonastar Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 First of all, she is not going to pick you if you are angry and yelling. You want her to be with you not because you gave her an ultimatum, but because she really loves you. I suggest calling or emailing her and just honestly expressing (in a calm way) that your feelings were just really hurt and that this is really hard for you. Then let her know that it isn't going to work the way things are going and that she knows what she needs to do if she wants to be with you. Then hang up and end things on a GOOD note, start NC, and she will be begging you to come back very soon. She obviously has feelings for you and I do think things went a little fast. There is nothing you can do about that now, so just take it really slow. But you are going to need a period of NC to make this work so that things cool off, she'll miss you, realize what she really wants, and then it can work. Link to comment
Wanted Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 Well, she initiated the sex, and yes I believe us talking and hanging out everyday was not "slow". But I am new to this "taking it slow" thing, I've NEVER been in this situation and quite frankley, I think she made it clear were officially over after just a few days. What I don't understand though is just a few days ago she REALLY wanted us to work and was very optimistic about it? And we felt like the old us? Like what happened? I think this trip to Miami was a bad idea! Link to comment
Cnstnt Evolutn Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Well, she initiated the sex, and yes I believe us talking and hanging out everyday was not "slow". But I am new to this "taking it slow" thing, I've NEVER been in this situation and quite frankley, I think she made it clear were officially over after just a few days. What I don't understand though is just a few days ago she REALLY wanted us to work and was very optimistic about it? And we felt like the old us? Like what happened? I think this trip to Miami was a bad idea! To be truthful, i havent been in many situations like this either and yes it is hard to stop when they initiate lol. Just be cool, be a man, you dont need her sex its readily available from other women. Next time she tries that say hey i thought we were taking it slow?? what I DO know is that women are always testing us to see if we are up to snuff, even if they dont know it, subconsciously they are. Right now im sure my ex is testing to see whether im serious about leaving her alone and doing NC. Just as yours was testing to see if you would respect her wishes and move slowly... Link to comment
Wanted Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 ^^Yes you are right but the thing is we did it once, then again right after...lol so I doubt she was "testing" me...but who knows?! Link to comment
Wanted Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 So is this a good email you guys think? .. ***, I am sorry for being so angry last night but you just have to understand that my feelings have been crushed and that this is extremely hard for me. I think we took this a little too fast and is why you didn't feel the way we both wanted it be. All I have to say though is that things aren't going to work out if *** is in the picture! I know this, and you know this. I think you know what you need to do if you really ultimately want to be with me, or vise versa. That is ALL I have to say. As of now I am just going to turn the other cheek and walk away because that is what you clearly stated yesterday. I hope all is well with your mother and I hope you can clear up your mind and see things clearly, I know you are going through a lot. Love always, ***[/b] Link to comment
BlahToolz Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 I guess what they are trying to say is that you let her back in too quickly. I am in a similar situation to you, bro, so I know it's difficult, but you almost have to treat it like it's a whole new girl again. Like a fresh start. Link to comment
Wanted Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 Well isent it clear she is done with me and obviously likes this other guy more? Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 like DN said, i would run away from this girl and not look back. she is too much drama! Link to comment
brazilgirl21 Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 I wouldn't write that... or anything actually. Seriously, I've been in the situation and you can't really force them to chose or take the other person out of their lives. In the end, they will do whatever they want no matter how much you pressure them. I would advise you to walk away. Go NC and wait for her to contact you. I wish I had done that when I still had a chance with MY ex. Link to comment
Wanted Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 Damn, I sent it but I don't plan on responding if she does write back. I just don't want to start NC on the page we left off last night. I plan on going on serious NC this time. She has too much on her mind and I don't know what is up with her really. Link to comment
wishingonastar Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 I think that was a really good email. Just don't do anything else and wait, even if it's really hard and you don't get an immediate response. You want to end things on a positive note so that it's ok for her to contact you. Just stop focusing on what happened in Miami. It already happened and there is nothing you can do about it. Overanalyzing it won't help the situation. She will contact you again, just be patient. Link to comment
servedcold Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Move on. Consider no more emails or responses to hers, just fade out completely. This girl is emotionally immature and will cause further problems for you if you continue contact. Link to comment
Wanted Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 I do plan on going strict NC starting like now, I know she will be back that's the funny part. Im going to ignore her for a while. I think she does whatever she wants because she knows how deeply in love I am with her...I mean deeeeep even still after everything she has said and done. This is crazy, I NEVER in a million years would've thought I'd be this in love! Link to comment
DN Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 I do plan on going strict NC starting like now Good plan - stick to it unless she comes to you and says she wants to have some sort of committed relationship with you. And only you. Link to comment
Wanted Posted April 14, 2009 Author Share Posted April 14, 2009 Good plan - stick to it unless she comes to you and says she wants to have some sort of committed relationship with you. And only you. Now that i think of it, she has really treated me bad! If she loves/loved me like she would, when i asked her to pick it should've not been hard to her. How can i ever trust her again? Please stick to NC. I am! Trust ME! Link to comment
Pandaman211 Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 Hey man, in all honesty, it sounds like you got played. I know you love this girl and all, and I'm not saying lets go, but reading through your post, when I read that on the day after she said she wanted to work things out you guys had sex, something went off in my head right then and there. I don't think you should've taken things that fast. Thats like jumping straight into * * * * again. take it slow means take it slow. She got what she wanted, some comfort, the sex, she knows you still love her, etc.. But you jumped into it way too fast. I figure its different if its only been a few weeks, and its not as bad jumping into things. And its not a coincidence that shes texting the other guy now. Shes not worth your time. Link to comment
Pandaman211 Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 I just read posts, and although I usually don't advocate it, I think strict NC or an adjusted strict NC is the best way for you. If you be nice to her and friendly and answer when she contacts you a lot, it will reinforce to her that you will put up with her childish bs. But theres no need to really answer. Don't be outright immature about it. But if you do, make it short, couple worded response. Theres nothing else this girl deserves. Link to comment
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