Gave the ultimatum

[Kevman87]

Ok, so I posted my story here a while back. My ex broke up with me back in January, and needless to say it's been a rollercoaster.

 

We both love to act, and I recently saw her at an audition for a local play. It went ok and she asked if I could take her home afterward and of course I agreed. I ended up taking her out to eat and afterwards we sat in the car and had a long talk.

 

She basically broke down about how after she broke up with me, she feels like she's lost all her friends (I have actually been hanging out with the ones she thought were both our friends, to help be get over this.) She was also extremely close with my sister and now they've had a bit of a fall out after the break up. She was talking about how hard it is for her and how she is almost out of money and can't pay rent and whatnot. I consoled her of course and gave her a shoulder to cry on. It was very hard for me to see her that way.

 

Then I felt like it was the right (or only) time i'd get to tell her what was weighing heavy on my mind. I told her that because I still have such strong feelings for her, that I felt like it was hard for me to be "just a friend" to her. I love talking to her and hanging out, but it's so hard, especially when I know she's dating someone else.

 

Now there is nothing offically between this new guy and her, they've just been dating casually, but I know he wants something more, and she doesn't know what she would say if he asked her out offically (which I think he's going to do soon.)

 

So by the end of the night, and after being emotionally drained yet again, I had to tell her that basically, if she decided to be with him seriously, I could not see or talk to her at all. It's me or him. And i know it's kinda unfair of me to do that, but i have to protect myself. I know it hurts her a lot too because she's going to be losing my friendship as well.

 

furthermore, we both ended up going to the call back auditons for the play after this, and we had to read a love scene together. God, was that freaking difficult. We didn't talk at all during the call back accept for that one scene we did together. But today I got a text from her asking if I found out if I got a part yet.

 

sooo, i've been depressed over this for the last few days. i don't know if i did the right thing or not, and it hurts like hell. I also welcome any others to share if they have had similar problems and had to give ultimatums.

[Cuppedia]

I don't really have experience with that but I still think you did the right thing, it's obviously hard but it would be a million times harder to pretend everything is okay if she starts dating that guy more seriously.

 

We can't always please others so it's better to do what's right for us and, if possible, make the decision affect the rest as little as possible.

I believe you did try to be careful about what you said and it really is your right to ask for space.

 

Perhaps you could distance yourself for a while anyway (whether she is with the other guy or not), so nobody feels pressured about what's right or wrong in your current situation, you don't have to end as enemies and it won't be permanent, just a few months while you both get used to the idea that you're no longer together.

[Kevman87]

Yes, I think I agree with you. Although I know after everything I still want her back, this is probably the best option for both of us. And I'd hate for us to end up as enemies so I'm trying to leave things on the right foot. I haven't heard from her in a few days, and they've been kinda rough for me, but I have to try and move forward. Man, a few weeks ago I thought the worst was over and I was healing ok, but now I just feel really crappy again. And I had a friend tell me yesterday, that maybe I shouldn't give up and because we loved each other once, I could make her fall for me again, and that has been messing with my mind ever since. But then I think going NC is the best both ways because it seems to be the best option I have to win get her back, and if not, I'll at least have grown a lot and moved on. Jeez, I really have a hard time knowing exactly what I should do. Anyway, thanks for the advice, I very much appreciate it.

[Cuppedia]

And I had a friend tell me yesterday, that maybe I shouldn't give up and because we loved each other once, I could make her fall for me again, and that has been messing with my mind ever since.

 

Actually you just answered your own dilemma:

 

 

Y But then I think going NC is the best both ways because it seems to be the best option I have to win get her back, and if not, I'll at least have grown a lot and moved on.

 

 

Also, I don't think it's really possible make another person fall in love with you again, all you can do is be yourself and try to be okay with whatever situation you are in, which you already know.