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JPC
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10 Characteristics of People's Personality

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Hi everyone. I just want to start off by giving a little background about myself, to help anyone understand where I'm coming from. I consider myself quite outgoing and generally able to make good conversation out of anything. I'm probably slightly above average in looks and I have what I consider to be a nice life as a college student...

 

That being said, I have an issue maybe one of you can give me some advice on.

 

A while back I met a girl in class and we became friends. We would walk accross campus from class every time we would see each other, and we always had something interesting to talk about for the most part. Because I consider myself more outgoing, I didn't have a problem asking her to hang out after we got to know each other a little bit. After a few times of just getting together and hanging out at my place/her place, I progressed things into actually going out on a legit date. I was very clear about it, and we were both in agreement that it was what it was. Now we've hung out quite a bit since first meeting and learned a lot of details about each other. Personal details about hers/my life that would allow us to make judgments about each other. So that's the back-story...

 

We had "the conversation" regarding what things were and weren't. She made it clear that she wanted to remain single, because she did not want a boyfriend. The reasons being she recently dated a guy for 3 years (who was generally an a**hole to her). It has been less than a year since that guy, and she is enjoying the single life by going out every weekend and talking to a lot of guys (I've been the same way for the most part with girls). Now, typically I would chalk this one up to being BS from what I know about "I don't want a boyfriend right now." That's an excuse we've all heard in some form. Because we've learned a few things about each other, I feel like along with enjoying herself...deep down she's afraid to get involved with someone because of her past experience. Anyways, this is where my problem lies...

 

We still hang out...just the two of us. We both enjoy each others company, and I like her. Now, there was never a "lets be friends," it was just a "I don't want a boyfriend right now" conversation. I respect how she feels and I legitimately believe her, but I'm not sure I want her to be "the one who got away."

 

What I want advice on:

 

How should I go about trying to actively be involved in her life, without getting too serious?

 

How should I convince (not trick) her, even if she wants to be single, that I'm not just another guy? I'm 24. I'm not looking for anything corny like flowers or whatever. I'm looking for a way to sway her and not come on too strong.

 

Thanks in advance.

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i think you should continue to just hang out with her. Make plans, hang out with her, and have fun. Be honest and show consistency in everything you do, so that way she can see that you're a guy she can trust and open up to. She may be scared of getting hurt again and doesn't want to rush into anything. The important thing is not to pressure her until she says she wants something more.

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How long have you been hanging out with her outside of school?

 

She definitely likes you to be hanging out with you one on one knowing that you want more than friendship. She'e entertaining that notion by hanging out with you.

 

I would sort of proceed as if you are her boyfriend; take her out, chat with her on the phone about her problems, etc (making sure not to be clingy or needy of course). Then, when you're sick of it, tell her you're about to give up if she doesn't treat you seriously.

 

I was in the same situation and that's how I got my current girlfriend. I met her in class, asked her out, took her out once or twice a week for about 1 and a half months, and then asked her what she wanted, and she told me not a boyfriend. I basically lived with that for about a month and let things progress on their own (we started hanging out much more often, and started having sex), and then told her that I was sick of her waffling and that she would lose me if she didn't get real.

 

In other words, right now, she feels like she can have you however she wants without committing. Think about it; if you had a girl accessible to you however you wanted without committing to her, would you commit to her for no reason? She'll continue to string you along as long as you let her. This isn't a character flaw on her part, its just human nature. Let her do it for a little while, allowing her to see that you are something to be held on to. Then, take a little more control.

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Take it slow for now. Continue to do what you have been doing: hangout with her, joke around, talk to each other about things etc. I wouldn't make any physical moves or bring up the discussion of wanting a relationship, at least for the time being. She has made it clear she doesn't want anything as she is still trying to get over this jerk of a boyfriend. In time, she will realize that you are good guy but only if you respect her wishes. I know it will be tough to be unsure of things for the time being but you have to accept what she wants.

 

I would expect her to start making small comments with respect to how you treat her sooner than later. She might comment on how you treat her much better than her ex, or something along those lines. She will likely make the first move or bring up the topic of wanting more, or at the least hint that she is ready.

 

I had a similar experience to what you are going through when I was younger. I knew that she was going through things and didn't want a relationship. I carried on as usual, just hanging out and being a really good friend. Eventually, she was ready and she asked me out on an official date.

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