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Negative effect on Being a tender loving Dad to a 4 yr old son?


devast

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is there a negative effect whatsoever if I am being the kind of a Dad who always likes to hug and kiss my 4 year old son?

 

I don't know why.... but I am always like that to my son...as if I always miss him, even if we are always together. I always look and treat him like a baby.

 

Well, I know treating a child like a baby most of the time have a negative effect when they grow up.

 

But how about being so full of caress, hug and kisses?

 

I hope to hear from anyone around... thanks

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Kissing on them and loving them is different than treating them like a baby... if you were coddling him, trying to keep him from growing up i'd say you may need to change your approach but if all you are doing is hugging on him and showing him loving affection i'd just say you are being a great father. I love and kiss on my 4 year old all of the time and the only thing I have noticed is he is alot more compassionate towards other than my nephew who is rarely hugged or kissed on by his parents.

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well, im so overprotective and very cautious, I dont want him getting hurt. So, most of the time I stop him from things he is curious about, when i know he is trying to explore. Like when he climbs on top of the chair or table. Holding and playing things that might hurt him.

 

But anyway, im trying to change that now. Like I try to encourage him to jump from chairs or tables. You know I'd like to develop his confidence to himself.

 

But going back to my original concern. Its just that I love my son so much, like I am so addicted to him that, I couldn't help it but hug and kiss him while we are playing.

 

I am just worried it might affect him as he grow up, like low self-esteem... he'd become so emotional.. or so gentle...that maybe his gilfriend would dump him coz his not so macho...

 

Or maybe, he'd become a brat... who would neglect me because he knows I love him no matter how he neglects me...

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I don't see anything wrong with this, really. In fact, I wonder if you're asking simply because you're worried about your son turning "soft." Like, if your son were a girl, would you even have asked this question?

 

In my opinion, kids are kids, especially when they're this young, it's important to show this kind of hands-on affection--it makes them feel safe and loved and, IMO, will encourage them to be more in tune with those around them.

 

I'm not sure what you mean by "treat him like a baby" but if that means, say, baby talking and stuff, you might want to cut down on that, but all in all, I don't see any problems with being an affectionate dad. When I was a little girl, I was VERY close to my dad (always holding his hand, sitting on his lap, etc)...sure, I was a bit of a daddy's girl, but I really hope that when/if I have kids, my husband will show the same kind of affection toward them.

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well, im so overprotective and very cautious, I dont want him getting hurt. So, most of the time I stop him from things he is curious about, when i know he is trying to explore. Like when he climbs on top of the chair or table. Holding and playing things that might hurt him.

 

But anyway, im trying to change that now. Like I try to encourage him to jump from chairs or tables. You know I'd like to develop his confidence to himself.

 

 

Uh...not to knock your parenting skills, but I really don't see how encouraging your young son to take a flying leap off of high objects is good for him. I sort of understand that you're trying to help him "man up" but, in my experience, young kids--esp. boys--get into enough trouble on their own without dad cheering them on.

 

Encourage him to ask questions, explore the world around him; introduce him to new experiences but, please, rethink high-fiving him for potentially dangerous behavior.

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yeah baby talk sometimes....hahaha I guess, yes, me and my wife should cut it, my son is already 4 yrs old...

 

Well, i guess a Dad being so affectionate with a daughter is just a big positive..

 

Yes, I am thinking my being so affectionate to my son would make him soft when he grow up...

 

Even now my son doesn't fight back to another child who picks on him or gets his toy... he'll just look at the child, then he'll just cry... even if, honestly, I encourage him to fightback when some child do that to him. He just don't fight back.

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well of course not the kind of height that his knees wont be able to bear.... but... really??? letting a child jump heights would bring a potential dangerous behaviour?? I thought it'd bring out confidence in him...

 

But I just think that my son at 4 is more cautious already, than being curious. Im wondering if that behaviour was somehow affected by us, being a very cautious and overprotective parents. coz we are like the don't touch that, don't touch this... you know..

 

yes, he always asks a lot of questions, and I always try to listen and answer all he asks, even if its...you know the kid's neverending....WHY???... I even try to explain scientific sort of things, but of course, I try my best to make my explanations as understadable ot a child as possible....

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I think if you recognise your behaviour and are adapting it, it's a step in the right direction. I gather you mean you want to encourage him to get out of scrapes himself, as opposed to you rescuing him? Just hang back a bit, allow him to work through problems in his own time. Tell yourself, in most cases if he can get up, he can get down/he can handle a fellow 4yr old. Perhaps count to 5 before you step in, then gradually increase the time. I don't see a problem with that approach, combined with lots of cuddles and kisses. You'll probably find as he grows in confidence and age, he will shrug you off, which is completely natural and not to be taken personally.

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I think if you recognise your behaviour and are adapting it, it's a step in the right direction. I gather you mean you want to encourage him to get out of scrapes himself, as opposed to you rescuing him? Just hang back a bit, allow him to work through problems in his own time. Tell yourself, in most cases if he can get up, he can get down/he can handle a fellow 4yr old. Perhaps count to 5 before you step in, then gradually increase the time. I don't see a problem with that approach, combined with lots of cuddles and kisses. You'll probably find as he grows in confidence and age, he will shrug you off, which is completely natural and not to be taken personally.

 

 

yeah... I believe its in that notion that I am trying to cuddle and kiss my son as much as possible,while I still can. Because maybe one day he'll be having things his own way and maybe...one day he'll just nod or just a simple "hey, dad im going out with my friends, you and mom need not wait"...tsk tsk...

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Ah, well isn't that what we are all aiming for? When you get to that point, you know you've done a good job in raising him. I agree, it can be scary. If we focus too far ahead, childhood can pass in the blink of an eye but believe me, you have many, many years to enjoy (and cuddle him) yet. All those small milestones and the joy on their faces as they discover new things...very precious moments which will stay with you forever.

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You are NOT wrong in showing the affection to your 4yo, my son is 8 and we still hug often during the day ad he always kisses me goodnight and still on ocasion will run up to me after not seeing him all day and kiss me on the cheek. My Dad was very affectionate to both me and my sister and openly showed his affection towards our Mother and I think that it made me a mre caring and compasionate Man in my days now (I am 37).

I'm sure in the next few years to come, it won't be "cool" to hug andd kiss on dear old Dad, so enjoy it while it lasts.

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You know, I really feel encouraged by the fact that you are keeping these things in mind. I am very similar. My every action with my daughter is weighed by what kind of impact it can make on her as she gets older.

 

I show her a lot of affection because I want her to build that kind of positive connection to other people. I am very animated and talk a lot around her because I want her to imitate and see this as normal so she will grow to be more vocal and have a outgoing personality.

 

The fact that you are weighing your own actions is VERY POSITIVE in my opinion. I have no fears for your son because you are on here asking questions about doing the right thing. That open mindedness and awareness is going to work for you.

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In regards to his "confidence" perhaps get him involved in some kind of game, like T-Ball, and be encouraging and show that you are pleased with what he can do.

 

Nothing competitive though. They say that kids who are thrown into a game where there is pressure to "win" too early burns them out quickly before they finish school. The pressure to perform wears them down. It's probably good to avoid that kind of pressure until their pre-teens.

 

Now that doesn't mean that you can't show extra pleasure when he does win at something, but there can't be any negative reinforcement and you can't show them disappointment.

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Balance is very important in parenting. I don't think showing lots of affection can have a negative effect. However, some of the other things you're mentioning can.

 

Does he have time to himself? Does he fall asleep nicely on his own or does he absolutely need to be held and rocked in order to dose off? Is he able to entertain himself for periods of time? Does he always need to be held when in public? Kids need personal space and alone time sometimes.

 

Does he always get what he wants, just when he wants it? Kids need to learn to accept No sometimes.

 

I think it's normal for fathers to be protective of their kids. We were running around on the sidewalk recently and my husband went, "oh no, I don't want her to fall". I looked at him and said, "and so what if she does? That's what kids do - they scratch their knees!"

 

But while that's normal, too much of it can make your child fearful of the world, which can be much worse than a few bruises or scrapes.

 

Just judging from your posts, it seems like maybe you could be a bit more balanced in some of these areas. But I don't think affection is one of them. I probably kiss my daughter 50 times each day.

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In regards to his "confidence" perhaps get him involved in some kind of game, like T-Ball, and be encouraging and show that you are pleased with what he can do.

 

Nothing competitive though. They say that kids who are thrown into a game where there is pressure to "win" too early burns them out quickly before they finish school. The pressure to perform wears them down. It's probably good to avoid that kind of pressure until their pre-teens.

 

Now that doesn't mean that you can't show extra pleasure when he does win at something, but there can't be any negative reinforcement and you can't show them disappointment.

 

thanks for the advice.... yes... Im really thinking about how my son would grow up.. and I really believe I can lead him to become a good person as a whole... I try to do research because maybe Im doing something to him that I thought would be nice, but in the end it won't be..

 

thanks for that game pressure advice... actually, i think im giving him more pressure on his studies...trying to explain to him how important studying, learning and school is.... because I think my son is just not so interested in school and teachers...he doesn't pay attention, he doesn't try to remember things that I teach him..ok if he learns what i taught him and then if doesn't see it anymore he'll forget it when I ask him about it after some time.... he is even confused now which one is a lion and which one is a tiger...now he calls a lion as tiger...he used to recognize a lion and a tiger before he tore his animal chart...is he just affected by what he sees most recently and concurrently? like he has been seeing tigers lately and no more lions so he calls lions as tigers? is it normal for a 4 yr old kid...

 

And, am I giving him pressure if im encouraging him too much about school as early as 4?

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Yes, he have time to himself...Most of the time he watch TV (cause he alone owns the TV already and play by himself. of course we see to it that we share time with him everyday.

 

Yes he fall asleep by himself But when he is really feeling sleepy and tired himself, but asking him to sleep when he is still enjoying what he is doing especially watching TV; its hard to ask him to go to bed. he will argue and cry.

 

For the periods of time, im not sure...because I cannot force him to sleep after lunchtime, so I normally just let him sleep for 12 long hours. So my son normally wakes up at 10 a.m. that's when his day will start. So im not sure what would be the normal periods of time for him in that case.

 

When in closed, covered or fenced public places, he's just on the loose...but we keep our eyes on him while he is running around. However, when walking on the streets I have to hold him as sometimes he tries to cross on his own, too risky so I dont let him loose when walking on the street.

 

Most of the time he gets what he wants...but sometimes we just let him cry if we dont give him what he wants.

 

Yes, me too, I am at least 50 times kissing and hugging him everyday...But he is a boy. Will my being so affectionate make him soft that he'd get bullied on someday. I don't want that to happen to him, I was the bully when I was a little boy. Now that Im an adult I believe that being bullied on as a child will cause lower self-esteem growing up.

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Watch out for putting "pressure" on the kid to perform, even in schools. There are better ways to encourage learning than to pressure them. When you push there tends to be a reaction to push back. However if you find ways to work WITH him learning, then you will probably see better results.

 

Try googling the subject on best ways to develop a 4 years olds learning.

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Well then, it sounds like you're doing all the right things. Keep on kissing him!

 

I think the boys that grow up unable to defend themselves likely come from one of the following backgrounds:

 

1. An abusive parent, or

2. A parent who is unable to defend him or herself. (not setting the right example)

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I raised my son on my own after my divorce, dad disappeared after awhile. Now for a boy raised by a female, he's pretty macho at 21. He's a strapping 6'3', loves sports and heavy metal music! Played in a garage band in his teens, loves KISS, Metallica, Ozzy, The Lakers, The Pittsburgh Steelers, and Wrestling. Yeah, he's pretty much male. Try not to overthink things, okay?

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