Found texts from another woman in my b/f's phone..

[Sweet Venus]

Last night the guy I am dating for quite a while now dropped his cell phone on my couch, he didn't realize it so I was going to call my house from his cell phone and playfully tell him I had his phone, so I opened his phone

and saw he had a text....curiosity got the best of me so I read it. It was

from a girl telling him the hours she's working at a place called "Bare Assets".

Yeah, doesn't sound anything "innocent' to me...I quickly tried to memorize the number, and put the phone down, not a minute later he said "have you seen my phone?? I said yeah it's right here...

 

I was livid though and said..."so have you heard of a place called Bare Assets"? he got immediately defensive and said "I have no idea what you're talking about" I said so who do you know that works at Bare Assets"??? He again denied anything....so I said..."Ok, I already know the number, and I'll find out what's going on"....he said..."so what are you going to do?" I think he knew he was busted then...and immediately started telling me it was a bar tender he met, but that there was NOTHING going on, he just gave her his number to see when she was working next and that he had only had one text exchange with her. He kept saying he doesn't wanna lose me..all this stuff..

and he'll make it up to me....

 

Up to this point, he's been ideal. Never given me a reason to doubt him ...but I noticed his cell phone is no where to be seen, and he normally keeps it

out in the open, which leads me to believe there's something else he might not want me to know. I am not sure.

I told him I believe he didn't do anything...YET. But this is still not over for me. I'm not just going to forget it.

Am I being a fool to believe him?

[annie24]

hmm..... have you googled that place in your city? find out what kind of place of business it is.....

[volpe]

ooooh man.... i'm sorry, this is really bad news. there is no reason for you to believe him.... he got all defensive and lied about it... ugh... I don't know what to tell you to do though.

[Sweet Venus]

Yes...it's a strip club/ bar. He told me.

[annie24]

why would a guy who is in a relationship be getting phone numbers from the 'bartender' anyways? i mean, that's kind of odd..... i don't blame you for being suspicious.

[annie24]

so, why was he there at this strip club, and why should it matter to him that the bartender is working there certain hours????? his lie makes no sense....

[Sweet Venus]

why would a guy who is in a relationship be getting phone numbers from the 'bartender' anyways? i mean, that's kind of odd..... i don't blame you for being suspicious.

 

Exactly what I told him..

[Sweet Venus]

Today he is being EXTRA nice too...he knows I am still upset.

I would usually advise someone in this situation that they are dumb for

believing it and staying...but he SEEMS sincere and sorry. I guess they always do when they get caught. Not sure what to do.

[annie24]

i think it will take a few days to process this in your head. i'm also wondering why he got this bartenders (or dancers!) phone number, what he is doing in a strip joint, and why he wants to know the hours she is working, because it implies he will go back there. how would he feel if found a text message on your phone from a bartender you met at a nightclub telling you when he was working again? wouldn't he find that suspicious? i wouldn't trust this man fully just yet. this sounds like a red flag.

[alli]

It makes perfect sense to me, I always get the numbers of my bartenders, waiters/waitresses, cashiers, heck.. even my telemarketers. What would we ever do if we didn't have the phone numbers of every person we have ever come into contact with? sarcasm...

 

There is no reason for him to get her number unless he wanted to maintain contact with her for personal reasons. You're not officially together with him even, I'd just drop him. No use pursuing anything with someone if you already know they are not trustworthy.

[yeawutever]

If you don't trust him and he is acting like he has something to hide then break up with him, no point in having a relationship with no trust.

[Day_Walker]

The fact that you looked in his phone without any reason other than you were just curious would infuriate me. I have met female bartenders and got their number and still maintained a normal friendship with them. It seems obvious that him going to a strip club is not acceptable to you and that is your own issue. At this point, the only thing he is doing is texting a person who me met previously. I think you're over reacting.

[pumpkinmoon]

I don't think its really as simple as saying "just break up with him." It's never that easy.

 

I don't think it is appropriate to be taking or giving numbers to random people whilst in a relationship, esp not these kinds of women.

 

And regardless of whether it is wrong or right to look at his phone, there should be nothing there to find anyway. He obviously knows he has done wrong because he is creeping. Maybe he would have gotten a bit annoyed and upset if it was purely innocent but he didn't.

[BrunetteBarbie]

Ummm... That doesnt sound okay to me at all..! That is REALLY suspicious he is goign to a stripclub and gets a bartenders (or strippers???) number... Just to find out when she is working?? Uhm. I find it very odd that he is exchanging numbers with some girl in a stripclub, for me that means there is attraction/interest there... And obviously he was going to see her again - Imagine you wouldnt have find this text message!

 

 

For me that is signs of someone who is looking for some random hookup on a side... Just my personal opinion. OR do you think he goes to a stripclub and exhanges number with a hot bartender cause hes looking to be........ Friends?! mmhh..

[annie24]

The fact that you looked in his phone without any reason other than you were just curious would infuriate me. I have met female bartenders and got their number and still maintained a normal friendship with them. It seems obvious that him going to a strip club is not acceptable to you and that is your own issue. At this point, the only thing he is doing is texting a person who me met previously. I think you're over reacting.

 

i agree and disagree. i think that her looking at his messages in his phone showed that she was suspicious of him, on some level. clearly, her suspicions were confirmed when she got that message!!!!

 

next, i agree that i totally have platonic friends of the opposite sex, i think that is 100% ok. i think it's really rather suspicious that he has gone to a strip club, and is becoming buddy buddy with the 'bartender' there (how do we know she is not one of the dancers??? ) i get going to your favorite bar after work and having a drink and chatting with a bartender..... but somehow doing the same at a strip club is a bit disconcerting to me. i'm not ok (my own boundaries) with going to a strip club on a regular basis, like to the point where you would go several times in a week to meet up with a 'bartender' there. i'm ok with it being a once in a while thing, like for a bachelor party, but more than that, getting schedules of people who work there....... that is just shady to me.

[yeawutever]

Well just the mere fact of looking at his messages on his phone is enough to reconsider the relationship. I have never look at my boyfriend's cell, there was no point in it and besides he always was answering his cell in my face. The moment one doesn't trust their partner or are suspicious about them (has even the curiosity to look at their phone) is when the relationship should be in question.....

[Ms Darcy]

I have looked at my bf's cell when I was feeling some doubt. I'm not saying it's great, but I am saying it indicates that someone might be having some serious concerns about their partner's trustworthiness.

 

More importantly, I would end it. Seriously. This speaks not only to his trustworthiness, but what you will accept in a relationship. IF you don't want to date someone who thinks it's ok to get/give numbers to bartenders at strip clubs, you don't have to.

 

His initial cover up, defensiveness, and later super-sweetness show that he is aware of some serious duplicity on his part. I know it's hard, but take your own advice here hon and end it.

[orangesoda]

you're better off ending it now. the guy is obviously not commited to you.

[Miss Firecracker]

He's not committed to you at all. That was just so wrong. I'd be insulted in more ways than one.

 

He needs to go unless you want a lifetime of drama, heartache, depression, stomach ulcers and high blood pressure.

[Kantriakhor]

He needs to go unless you want a lifetime of drama, heartache, depression, stomach ulcers and high blood pressure.

 

And if you DO want those things then just go to McDonald's dollar menu; far cheaper.

[Miss Firecracker]

And if you DO want those things then just go to McDonald's dollar menu; far cheaper.

 

Absolutely!

 

And if you want to look about 75 when you're 50, that's another incentive to stay with him. Stress takes it toll on the body.

[lavenderdove]

It might be more probable that she's a stripper rather than a bartender... many of them work as hookers on the side, and perhaps he's been seeing her in that capacity.

 

Many men who cheat are perfectly happy with their partners, but look for sexual variety with hookers... so i'm sorry to say he may be perfectly happy with you, but just a cheater who sees hookers on the side.

 

You need to immediately stop having sex with him and get tested for STDs... if she is a stripper/hooker, there's a chance he could have passed you something.

 

I'm sorry, but if i found out my guy was corresponding with strippers/hookers, that would be the immediate end of it for me. He's not someone you can trust, and he might give you an incurable or deadly STD if he has sex with other people, especially strippers/hookers.

 

Many strippers strip because they are drug addicts and they need lots of money for drugs, so you have a higher risk of getting HIV from them... please be careful, get tested, and quit sleeping with him for sure. If you want to try to work it out with him, make sure you go to the couples counselor to make sure you can trust him and work thru this.

[Day_Walker]

I believe that previously the OP said that the relationship was going good and she had no reason to think anything was up with him. With that being said she checked his phone just out of curiosity. Now I dont think that we have all the facts so we dont know who is actually correct in this situation.

 

I think that it makes little difference if the girl is a bartender or a stripper at the club. I think in either case she is using her "friendship" with this guy as a means to get him into the club and spend money. The fact that she wasnt trying to set up something at a place that isnt her work says something. Obviously her goal was to see if he wanted to come in to her place of work rather than just to see her at a private location.

 

It seems to me that this whole issue is convoluted with negative feelings towards strip clubs and/or strippers. I still believe that she overreacted here because this girl wasnt trying to meet in private rather, she was trying to get him to come in so that he can spend some money.

[lavenderdove]

I think the above post is a far stretch to explain something simple, i.e., a stripper trying to hook up with a 'client' on the side for extra money, or one trying to date a client.

 

Bartenders etc. don't take personal numbers of clients (and give out their own cell phone numbers to clients) as a way of getting people into a bar. They have no reason to do that, and don't mix business and personal like that because they DON'T want want bar/strip club clients calling them on their personal phones.

 

So it just is a simple case of a guy who is cheating and caught in the act.

 

If i were the OP, i'd call the number and find out who the person was, then visit the club to see what the person does and whether the boyfriend was cheating. There is a good chance the women texting wasn't even told he had a girlfriend.

[Day_Walker]

I think the above post is a far stretch to explain something simple, i.e., a stripper trying to hook up with a 'client' on the side for extra money, or one trying to date a client.

 

Bartenders etc. don't take personal numbers of clients (and give out their own cell phone numbers to clients) as a way of getting people into a bar. They have no reason to do that, and don't mix business and personal like that because they DON'T want want bar/strip club clients calling them on their personal phones.

 

So it just is a simple case of a guy who is cheating and caught in the act.

 

 

I have to disagree, I have friends that frequent strip clubs and bars and they have the numbers of strippers and bartenders. The strippers or bartenders will inform them of whats going on that night, tell them about specials that are going on or if they are working that night. My friends have no slept with these girls but they are just friendly when them. It seems to me that these girls have realized that when they can relate to their customers they have a tendency to come in more.

 

As far as mixing business with pleasure I am sure it happens but the point is that this kind of behavior does take place and it does not always devevolve into the girl trying to hook up with the guy.