Why have I spun out of control since my break-up....

[shygirl1212]

It's been almost 9 1/2 months since my break-up from an 8 year relationship. I can't even believe I've made it this far since then. I didn't think I could live a day without him but here I am 9 1/2 months later, in misery, but still living.

 

But everything just seems to have spun out of control since then. I've been unhappy and sad. I just quit my job and now have to search for another one in a bad economy. I just feel so alone.

 

How do I stop this and pick myself up again? I'm almost 30 years old...have never been with any man BUT my ex. I sometimes feel like I've missed so many things while I was in an unhealthy and bad relationship for basically all of my 20's.

 

Is it too late to have love again and have my life back?

 

[uj2004]

I can relate. I am almost 30 (the clock is ticking, like less than 50 days...), have only ever been with 1 girl, and she is now gone.

 

Its scary, and I feel like I will be alone forever, and I guess I am trying to come to terms with that in case it happens.

 

I think you just have to live day by day, and somehow manage to move past them. I have thought recently about setting a date where I can grieve up until, and after it, I just wont allow myself to go there, to that bad place where I miss her and wonder why she wants someone else and not me. Whether that plan works, or if I will try it, who knows?

 

The other way is to look at things in perspective. I went into work on Tuesday night this week, to find out one of our staff members had died in a car crash that morning. We are only a team of about 10, so it was a large shock. I didn't know him well, but had worked with him for 6 months, 6 days a week.

 

It made me think about my own situation and that it wasn't really that bad. He was just 23, out here as a student, and lost his life in a split second. It made me feel selfish for being so hung up on my ex. It made me see that others have it so much worse than me. I am still alive and breathing.

 

So there are two things you could try.

[DivineNess]

It is absolutely not too late. You came out of a long relationship and it's understandably going to take you some time to get over it. I read somewhere that it takes about 1 1/2 months for every year that you were together to get over someone. Don't know how true that is but it does give some hope. Anyways, once you are ready to get back into the dating scene I'm sure you will find someone to sweep you off your feet. Don't think of the time with your ex as time wasted, think of it as a learning experience for your next relationship. Now you will know what to do or not do and red flags to look for etc.

[shygirl1212]

Thanks Divine and uj for your positive thoughts and support Really appreciate. I will give myself tonight to grieve and then I am going to push myself as hard as I can to move forward...or at least to get up, take a shower, clean up my place and go for a jog!

[lostandhurt]

Of course it isn't to late.

The thing is you need to heal completely before you can enjoy everything a good relationship has to offer. It would be a shame to meet some great guy and get along great only to have things from the past that were never really dealt with pop up and cause problems.

 

Healing doesn't just happen, it takes work and honesty.

 

I am way older than you and I hope Love gives me another chance one day......

 

Lost

[ratfreak]

It's not too late and you'll see that there is love out there!

 

At 24, when I left my ex after years of physical and emotional abuse, I didn't think I'd be able to be happy again. At 24, I felt like I went through a horrible divorce, had 5 kids, a mortgage and felt like I was 40.

 

After a few weeks, I made some great friends and met a great guy that made me happy. It just ended after 3 years and I am sad and miss him but I'm hopefull that if I was able to find something so great - I'll be able to find something even better soon.