I don't know if I did the right thing..

[Skay]

I've known him for two years and was friends with him an entire year before we got together.. We were a couple until today. I wish someone could give me the answers..

 

For 8 months, I was happy. We both were happy. Even though this was a long distance relationship, we both believed things would work out. We met online, and I finally went to visit him in December of '08. Those 5 weeks were the happiest times of my life.. But when I left home, everything changed. It wasn't how I expected it to be.. It was okay for the first week. But soon he started snapping at me, and getting angry at me. And eventually he was doing it all the time, literally every day. I cried so many times in those three months.. Finally, we took a break. We didn't talk to each other for 5 days. We both knew the distance was hurting us, so I offered for him to stay with me at my mother's place temporarily until we got our own.. And he refused. He said he didn't want to be under someone's wing... and then he said he wasn't ready. At that moment something in my heart was crushed. I felt like nothing I could do would bring us together again.. When we started talking again, it was good for a while.. he wasn't snapping at me, or getting angry.. But I started doing the same thing to him.. And I didn't realize it until he pointed it out..

 

During that week apart, we both realized something. His love for me was still there.. but in that week of silence, it opened up my eyes. This man is still a kid himself.. There are times when I feel like I'm years older than him, when in fact I'm younger. I have a daughter who is a year old.. And I don't think he is ready to be a father. For two weeks I have beaten myself up for feeling this way. I have never been so confused in a relationship. I love this man. I can honestly say that I love him.. But I am not happy being with him. He may be able to love me.. But he'll never be able to love my daughter like his own. "I don't have feelings for her.." is what he once said to me.. He's not her father.. Why should I expect him to be..? But it still hurts.

 

I told him my feelings on Wednesday. We were on a break again until next week, but I don't think I should drag this out if I'm feeling like this.. So today, I wrote him an email.. And I hope that it doesn't hurt him as much as my daughter's father hurt me.

 

"For the past week and a half, I've been feeling like something is missing in my heart. Something that is needed to keep a relationship alive. I don't know why it's gone, and I feel so upset now that it is. I've loved you for a year now.. we were friends before we were a couple.. But I'm not happy with this relationship anymore.. I don't know why I feel this way.. But no matter how hard I've tried, I can't change it.

 

These past three days I've really thought about it. I've hammered myself for the right answer. But with all this thought, I don't see hope for us.. What we used to have isn't there anymore.. and you noticed it too.. I don't know what happened to us [Name]. But our old happy memories just make me cry. Because what we had has died..

 

I can't stand the thought of never talking to you again.. but I don't think we will anymore. Not after this. I'm so sorry for hurting you [Name]. I'm sorry for all of the times I said something before I thought how it might affect you. I'm sorry that I couldn't keep my feelings alive.. I don't think I'm in love with you anymore.. but I really care about you. Please don't hurt yourself because of me.

 

This relationship has brought me some of the happiest times I've ever experienced.. And I hope that despite my mistakes, you've felt that way too. But [Name]... I can't survive in this relationship anymore.. I wish that I could change whatever it is that made me start feeling this way, and I'm sorry for making you wait three days just for me to say this.. But please believe me that I wasn't lying when I said I loved you.. And can only hope that some day after this you'll talk to me, and not hate me. But I know that's a lot to ask..

 

I'm sorry that I'm breaking my promise [Name].. It was wrong of me to say that in the first place..

 

I'm ending it here.. We're really over..

 

I'm so sorry.."

I don't know if I've made the right choice. I feel like I've destroyed my love life. I've always been the one to be broken up with, and never the one to do it. I never expected breaking up with someone could hurt so much..

 

Please tell me if I did the right thing.. No matter how many times I ask myself, I can't come up with an answer.

[Blue Skittles]

Don't beat yourself up over this. You have made a decision that is best for you and your child. If you weren't happy, then it is a good choice. You are still young and one day you will meet someone that will be good to you AND your daughter and make you feel the happiness you deserve. Best of luck, and stay strong, it is so tough to let someone go, but you did exactly what you needed to do.

[Sn0man]

I don't know if you did the right thing or not, I think only you will be able to decide that. But one thing I did notice is that you said "he isn't ready to be a father". You really shouldn't be looking for a father for your kid, you will find dating very difficult if that is what you're looking for, because no man will ever be able to take his place. Look for a partner for you, and a friend for your kid. Food for thought...

[ellandroader]

I don't know if you did the right thing or not, I think only you will be able to decide that. But one thing I did notice is that you said "he isn't ready to be a father". You really shouldn't be looking for a father for your kid, you will find dating very difficult if that is what you're looking for, because no man will ever be able to take his place. Look for a partner for you, and a friend for your kid. Food for thought...

 

This too is very good advice. I personally think however you have done the right thing and it took a lot of guts to do it. You will have to decide for yourself if you have though.

 

With your daughter and her Dad, he can only be replaced in presence only. In terms of the same personality and character it will never happen so focus on finding a good man who can make you happy and potentially pass on good lessons to your daughter. More so, allow him to be him. If you realise this, it will help you in the future. *Speaking from past experience*.

 

From what I read, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders though.

[Skay]

That's not the main reason why I left. I don't feel like he's mature enough to really accept it, and I'm definitely not searching for a father for my daughter..

 

Her father has never been in her life and doesn't want to be. Whoever comes along wouldn't be replacing him, because there was no one to replace.

 

Thanks for the advice though guys..