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What to do? Seeing a virgin, possible way out...


SamT

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Hey guys, havent been on here in long time and thought it was about time i sought some advice.

 

Ive recently been getting to know a girl, talking on msn/txting and also been on 1/2 dates.

She's a nice enough girl, pretty cute and good looking. However, even since the first date I realised it would never last long. In person, she's quiet, a bit childish and i don't think we have enough in common for a decent conversation. Ive also noticed she's become a bit 'needy'.

 

So needless to say Im a bit on and off, and she has noticed that sometimes im not so 'available'. At one point she confronted me (in a txt) asking where was this going? is this just for fun? etc. I replied telling her Im unsure, seen as we haven't seen eachother for that long, and I don't know her well enough. Im not sure why she responded like this, but she decided she still wanted to see me for FUN..Fun as in Meaningless Sex.. Hmm

 

So why am I moaning? lol... Well it turns out she's unsure about the situation. Which is fair enough, especially when I found out she was a virgin.

Am I right in thinking this is a bad situation to get involved in? I mean Im not a bad guy, and I don't want her to get the feeling that Im using her. Surely she'd want something more from her first bf?

As an added concern, Ive been in a similar situation before, and needless to say it was pretty regretful. The sex was good, but to be honest Id rather not do it again...

 

So my questions are..

What do you think I should do about her?

Not see her again?

Stay for sex?

Wait around an go on a few more dates?

 

If I decide not to see her again..then what would be the best way to let her down easy? She seems very self-conscious and Id rather not get her upset.

 

Sorry if Ive ranted!

Thanks x

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It sounds like you aren't that into her based on based on her personality and your lack of connection. To be fair to her, don't lead her on or use her for sex, especially since she is a virgin. You said yourself that you were in this situation before and you regretted it.

 

Just be honest with her and tell her that you don't think you have enough in common to have a relationship and that you think it is best to move on. She may be upset but imagine if you two have sex and you end it shortly after.

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I don't think that she meant "seeing you for fun" meant she wanted meaningless sex.

 

If that's all you would stay with her for, then I would suggest that you move on, and find someone who's a better match.

 

Yeah she did mean Meaningless Sex. I acctually asked her what she meant by fun..and she said Sex.

 

Anyway, I don't think I would see her for sex only. Doesn't seem fair to her...and eventhough I checked, she's sure to develop some feelings for me.

 

I appreciate the adivce, its probably best to be honest with her and to move on. But you know what its like, its tempting to stick around seen as there's noone else (yes i know thats terrible to say)

 

So any tips on letting her down easy? Id rather not send her any mixed signals, but at the moment Im finding myself avoiding her throughout the day. Not a good sign.

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What do u mean she's luring me with sex because she's a virgin? I don't have a thing for her because she's a virgin...

 

Hmm ok, yeah its probably best I tell her soon. And what if she still wants to talk and stay 'friends'?

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What do u mean she's luring me with sex because she's a virgin? I don't have a thing for her because she's a virgin...

 

Hmm ok, yeah its probably best I tell her soon. And what if she still wants to talk and stay 'friends'?

 

I think what Wendy meant was that she is not doing it because she enjoys meaningless sex (since she has never had it). She sounds very inexperienced, she doesn't know what to say or do around you and she is trying not to screw it up and cause you to end things... so her attempt at keeping this going is by offering to you what she thinks all guys want most... sex.

 

I have a feeling she hasn't really showed you her real personality yet because she does not really know "how it works" in regard to dating. I would probably try to get to know her a bit more, go on a few more dates and encourage her to be herself before deciding your personalities don't match. But if you don't feel like going through all that, then meet her in person and explain that you just aren't feeling it.

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The thing is, if she's a virgin and wants to have a purely sexual relationship with you, then she's going to give up her virginity to you and then form a more emotional attachment as a result of it. Virginity is important to a lot of women (not all, but why risk assuming it's not important to her?) and even if she thinks she only wants sex from you now, after you do it the first time there's a big chance she'll start hoping a real relationship will form.

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Okay, thanks for the advice guys. Ive figured she is trying to lure me in with a sexual relationship. After I reminded her that its a bit soon, she then admits she wants to take things slow. She seems confused to be honest.

 

In any case, her insecurities are slowly putting me off her. I should probably tell her its not going to work and to move on. I guess Ill just feel bad that I may not have got to know her properly..

 

Thanks

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At the end of the day it comes down to what YOU want to do.

 

Realize that if you take her virginity she'll always remember you as her first(you'll be special to her) At the same time though your not obligated to be totally considerate of her feelings. No matter how bad she feels if you dump her she'll move on and find someone else eventually.

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Her being a virgin doesn't make her any different than any other girl. However, it seems like she's really insecure and doesn't know what she wants. She also seems to have distorted views (all men are after sex, so I'll offer sex so that I can lure him in.)

 

If I were you, I'd steer clear, or give it time to see if she becomes more secure in herself.

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