i dont know how to help my sister and I feel guilty all the time

[locolady]

I am 25 and my sister is 27. She is really lonely as she doesnt have many friends and those she does have are all getting married while she is single and has been for a few years. They are all marrying this summer so I know its going to be a hard time for her. She is quite shy and finds it hard to make friends. I dont know how to help her and she is really unhappy. She desperately wants to meet a man but never does. The friends she does have are rubbish and she is often sad.

 

We got on well as children and see each other maybe once every 8 weeks-ish but its often a bit tense as we don't have much in common any more. I do lots of things with my friends and always feel guilty about not inviting her along but we simply dont like the same things. My social life involves a fair amount of drinking and some recreational drugs, she doesnt drink and has no friends who do drugs so she is very afraid of them and would tell my parents if she knew so I cant let her come to anything where i'd be taking anything.

 

I dont know how to help her, I dont live in the same town, I dont know any men to introduce her to as we are so different none of my friends would be suitable yet i feel that if i dont help her, who will? We dont like anything the same to spend more time with, or to include her with my friendship circle more. I worry about her a lot, she is a little bit odd I guess, I just want her to be happy. Any thoughts?

 

Thanks

[i19]

if your sister wants to find a man, reccomend an online dating site. they can work out really well, I know two people who met that way.

 

it's what I plan to do myself I find no one by a certain age.

[nutbrownhare]

For a start, she's very lucky to have a such a caring, lovely sister!

 

However, there's very little you can do for her. Even if you introduce her to people and take her out with your friends, if she's that shy she won't be able to maintain a relationship in any case, and it doesn't sound as though you two get on with the same kind of person. It's really up to her to sort herself out - it sounds as though she may be depressed. She will also need to sort out what her interests are, and places where she can met the sort of person who will connect with her. Does she belong to a church, for example, or is she interested in any kind of voluntary work?

 

When you say that if you 'don't help her, who will?' - it's really not your responsibility, even though you really care about her. The only person who can help her is - her!