Should I even get my hopes up or should I just move on?

[You and Me]

Well, the worst possible thing I thought could happen, DID happen. I got engaged last year. This past November I started to get nervous about the wedding and told my fiance. This hurt her and things just went downhill from there. She broke it off but we really never did NO CONTACT and we started seeing each other shortly after this whole cold feet fiasco took place. We started going to couples therapy and I thought things were going just fine. We were still living together, getting along great, etc. so I naturally thought things were on the right track. Today she was acting strange so I confronted her and she told me that she doesn't want to to do this anymore. It totally shocked me. She said that three weeks ago she realized that she doesn't see a romantic future with me. She still loves me and all, but she just doesn't have the same romantic feelings as she used to. She says it isn't my fault, but I know it has alot to do with me. I feel soo miserable right now because I thought things were on the right track...we were in counseling and getting along great. She says she can't help the way she feels. I am just miserable. When the situation before happened, we never really did do NC, but I am thinking now that is the only option I have.

 

She says she doesn't want to cut me out of her life but I feel like I have to in order to deal with this. I am just in shock right now and I have been crying non stop since this happened. I am so hurt. I thought we were getting back on track with the relationship and then she drops this bombshell. She is indecisive and she has changed her mind before, so I am just going to HOPE for the best, and EXPECT the worst. But I feel like the only thing I can do right now is just go NO CONTACT and see what happens. After she told me all this I left and drove home to my parents house, she has tried to call me twice and text me but I have ignored her. We are supposed to celebrate Easter together tomorrow with her family and then afterward celebrate my Bday, but I feel like I can't be around her and I should tell her that. I never thought she would do this but it happened and now I don't know what to do with myself, I even feel like I don't want to live anymore. Any advice would be appreciated it, I'm just alone right now and I don't know what to do...and to make matters worse, its my birthday/Easter weekend. Good grief.

[SoMuchLove]

First off I want to say I'm sorry you feelthis way. I can only imagine the hurt you feel right now so I deeply empathize with you.

she realized that she doesn't see a romantic future with me.

 

The best you can do is respect her wishes. If she doesn't want to see you anymore then that's that. The worst you can do is try to keep pursuing her and try to get her back after she clearly states that she no longer wants to be with you. Try no contact,but you will have to do so with the thought they you may NEVER get back together(rather than clingling to a glimmer of hope in the back of your mind). NC is meant to make you heal and get over the person you were with(to the extent that you'd want your feelingsto die down enough so you can see the logic in it all) so you can see a future WITHOUT that person and be comfortable. This is going to take some time because I can sense that you have a lot of feelings invested in her.

 

If it comes to worst just rememeber that there are other people out there for you. Of all the many people in the world you have to realize that there is ALWAYS someone else out there for you. Whether your enganged or married. You sound like a nice person with a good heart. Just look at it as her loss.

 

I hope that helps. Be strong and allow yourself to do things that will keep your mind off the situation.

[You and Me]

Thanks. I won't try to contact her at all. For now I will try to just deal with it on my own and if she wants to talk to me and calls me I will deal with that when it happens

[SoMuchLove]

That sounds good. If you feel like you want to vent more in the future feel free to PM Me

[You and Me]

Thanks for your help. I feel even worse today and all I want to do is sleep. When I'm awake I just feel miserable and don't know how to take my mind off of things.

[Joshb]

Hey, i am in the same sort of situation, cept i kind of created it ..took her for granted and wasnt sure.. now she doesnt see us having a future, nor has the energy to even attempt again. Were on good terms which is a blessing and a curse. i say that because we still get along great which makes me want her more, but on the flip side i got closure and more at peace i guess. I still want her back of course. I am juggling the concept of complete NC or keeping some contact. I guess i know moving on is what needs to happen. I guess whne a girl has her mind made up you cant sway it. My girl said it wasnt working..we been trying..breaking up..ive been back and forth, she emontionally drained doesnt want stress, wants to work on her life. So i am right there with you. I tried all i could to get her back, now i guess i have to let go and as they say if its meant to be maybe it will just not at this present time. Its really hard i talked to her today actually. best of luck

[You and Me]

Thanks josh. I got a letter from her and she explained that she doesn't love me the way she used to anymore and that she loves me more like family now. It really hurts to hear her say that. She said she didn't want to tell me until she knew for sure this is how she felt. Of course the one part of her letter that I focus on is when she said "Who knows, my feelings could change, but I can't say for sure, right now I think we just need some space". I know I shouldn't focus on that and shouldn't get my hopes up, but I am just really hurting right now and I don't know how to get over this.