I really want to date but have to put it on hold

[winter whiteout]

I just wish my sex drive would calm down because it would make it easier. As a lot of you know my husband left over 3 years ago and I have not dated anyone since him. I took the time to heal and went to a few support groups and have a therapist. I was told it take about 1 year for every 4 years you were in a relationship for to heal and now looking back I can say that is true. Before my ex husband I did not date anyone for 2.5 and had a 2 year relationship before that.

 

When I was married I drained my all my savings because I did not work for 8 years. Five years of that was me being in a wheelchair and learning how to walk again. When my husband left it killed me and I had to go out and get a job while being in shock that he left me for someone else. I was SO happy to return to the workforce and I got a job I really like and now am so grateful to have. It pays well for the type of job it is but I am barely making it. As I stated in another thread I received news that due to the bad economy they are going to freeze our 410K match, no more salary increases and no more bonuses. All this through 2010. I only started the 401K 2 years ago and I have a little in savings. I am scared for my future and with my having this painful disability it makes it worse.

 

This all makes me think I should put off dating until I figure out how I am going to secure a future for myself. I don't want to meet a man to have him "rescue" me and I want to know I can survive on my own either way. But what if things don't get better for a very long time does that mean I should go more years without dating? To make something else clear I am not into casual relationships and I would only want to date to find a long term relationship and nothing casual. My body is SCREAMING for sex with a loving, caring man I am in a real, commited relationship with and not my BOB anymore.

 

Should I put off dating until I feel more secure with my future? I am 45.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I don't think you need to put off dating till you're more secure financially. Have to say though that it makes me happy to read posts like these, where you really are not going to have some mane "rescue" you as you said, and you want to be independent. Sorry to hear about your ex-husband.

 

I'd start looking what's out there. As you know, the first guy you meet or like doesn't always turn out to be the "one" (or one of them). It can usually take a few hits and misses when looking for a bf/partner. I think in the end everything will be ok.

So far you seem to have made it thru all these tests life has put you thru so I wouldn't worry so much. Things have a funny way of working themselved out.

[winter whiteout]

I don't think you need to put off dating till you're more secure financially. Have to say though that it makes me happy to read posts like these, where you really are not going to have some mane "rescue" you as you said, and you want to be independent. Sorry to hear about your ex-husband.

 

I'd start looking what's out there. As you know, the first guy you meet or like doesn't always turn out to be the "one" (or one of them). It can usually take a few hits and misses when looking for a bf/partner. I think in the end everything will be ok.

So far you seem to have made it thru all these tests life has put you thru so I wouldn't worry so much. Things have a funny way of working themselved out.

 

 

I am 45 and I hope I am mature enough to want to be independent and not depend on a man. I don't know I have to think about this more.

[meepmeep20]

this really pisses me off. whoever said that love is love...is telling us a bunch of bs. look at your ex-husband...left you in a time when you most needed him. is that really love. no, and love doesn't really exist. i'm pretty sure he left you for a woman who was 'better' off than you economically. wow, god...people like him piss me off so much. anyhow, sorry about your situation.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I am 45 and I hope I am mature enough to want to be independent and not depend on a man. I don't know I have to think about this more.

 

You've been making it on your own the past 3 yrs. Even if it was a struggle at first. I know I'd be struggling too, anyone would. I think you are mature enough not to depend on a man.. You've got the proof right now. Or not?

[winter whiteout]

this really pisses me off. whoever said that love is love...is telling us a bunch of bs. look at your ex-husband...left you in a time when you most needed him. is that really love. no, and love doesn't really exist. i'm pretty sure he left you for a woman who was 'better' off than you economically. wow, god...people like him piss me off so much. anyhow, sorry about your situation.

 

 

Yes he left me for for a younger althought very heavy woman. She is very bad with money like him but his did make reference to how she was "able" to do things I could not. He told me in the end he was a coward.