i'm back and i need some advice...please

[Perfection]

i am back here and some of you know my background. i had to take sometime off because i think being constantly here was sort of putting strange things in my mind. so i decided to take some time off and see how my situation played along.

 

so even after repeated advice from a lot of good people here, i still kept talking to the girl i was head over heels for. and finally early last month, i told her that i like her more than a friend. and i asked her "have my actions not shown what i have not been able to say all along?" she said i knew you had feelings for me but i kept wondering why doesn't he say anything. she said i thought you had other things going on in your life to deal with me or that i didn't want anything more than a friendship. then she dropped the bomb on me that some other dude whom she had been hanging out with in early january has asked her that he would like to pursue a relationship with her if the opportunity came along and two months later, he tells her he is falling in love with her. this was a week and a half before i told her. she told him she likes him too but she wants to take it really slow before making any further declarations. now she says she cannot decide who she wants and i'm sort of stuck in a limbo. i really do like her and have liked her for quite a while but her actions have always given me the impression that she was not interested in me. but now she regularly texts me, talks to me etc. i really don't know what to do now. i had already given up on her twice before when i found out through mutual friends that she was out and about dating others. but now that she knows how i feel about her, and her not entirely rejecting me makes me want to wait for her to choose. she said "well when you found out i was dating other people, why didn't you fight for me?" which makes me want to not give up on her now AT ALL. i do want to fight for her. but i am confused, and i don't know what to do.

 

so i am asking all you experienced folks to help me out with this one. please give me your straight, strict, blunt advice whatever you think. and if you need any other background information, i'd be glad to provide it. thanks a lot in advance for all your help.

[yonkeehoi]

Compete. Fight. Win her over. Pull out all the stops. What the hell are you waiting for? She spelled out the 'rules' plain as day.

 

Few deep breaths and go for it brother! NOW!

[Perfection]

Compete. Fight. Win her over. Pull out all the stops. What the hell are you waiting for? She spelled out the 'rules' plain as day.

 

Few deep breaths and go for it brother! NOW!

 

I have been. no doubt about that. i have told her this too, that i had given up on you twice already thinking that you were not interested in me (even after sleeping with me twice) but now i'll not. but my confusion is for how long? if i over do the affection part, i might come off as needy or pushing/pressuring her which i don't want to and i am not needy at all. but if i don't do it enough she might lose interest, if any, in me. the other guy is in the same town as her, whereas i am about hour and a half away so i feel like i have to do more but i also do not want to overwhelm her! i hope this makes sense. my mind is all over the place i m sorry.

 

Thanks for the advice btw.

[shorty20]

I wouldn't overdo it, because then you might come off as "needy" and you really don't want her thinking that. I guess it depends on the girl, and what they like in a guy. Personally, I like guys that have their own thing going. I like guys that have hobbies and are doing things with their life outside of me and work. If I were you, I'd call her once every day or two, and just chat. Tell her about your life, what things are going on with you and what you're in to, and ask her about hers. Tell her you're thinking about her. Maybe you could send her flowers once or something like that, but just be careful to make sure she knows that you still have a life you're living, and that she's not necessarily the center of it.

 

Also, personally, as far as this other guy goes, if someone told me they loved me or were falling for me, and I couldn't say it back or didn't feel the same way... that would be the end of the relationship. Am I wrong? I mean, I don't know what she's "thinking" about if she's dated this guy for two months. She should know by now how she feels and if she wants to pursue things with him. That's just my opinion though. Maybe I misunderstood your post. Has she been dating this guy for two months? Or did he just tell her he had feelings and she kept putting him off? Maybe she likes the attention she's getting from these guys fighting over her?

[Perfection]

thanks shorty for such an expansive and thorough response. i really appreciate it.

 

yes i do have a life outside of her i have a job that keeps me supremely busy most of the time. and it's not as if i am constantly harassing or bothering her with phone calls/texts etc. on the contrary, she calls/texts almost everyday to chat. we just talk about random stuff. she also calls when she is upset about something or something is bothering her. so i'm quite sure i am not overwhelming her with anything. i do send an sms every now and then (not everyday or every hour or something) saying "miss you a lot" or something like that. and it's also not like she does all the calling. if i don't hear from her at least once in a day, i'll call her up to see how she is doing and all.

 

regarding the other guy, when he told her this she said "i like you too but i want to take this really slow and make sure we are on the same page". she also told me when i said i like her "he is a great guy, i spend a lot of time with him and i have a lot of fun with him". she says she is not officially dating him but just getting to know him. she says there's nothing wrong in going out on dates to know people. so she has been as she likes to call it "hanging out with him a lot". now i have known this girl for 3 years now, and this guy she met him 3 months ago.

 

she has this way with words that makes me feel like whatever she is saying makes sense and is right. and she confuses the living crap out of me. she says she is severely confused on what she wants. so i am trying to figure out what i can do or if i should do something at all.

 

PS: she has told me the other guy has told her this, but i don't think she has told the other guy that i have told her i'm in love with her too.

[shorty20]

wow! there must be something really special about this girl to be pulling in all these guys and making them fall in love with her! lol. I have a question though... if you've known her 3 years, how come it's taken so long for you to tell her you're interested in her? I'm sure there's a whole lot of background, but the situation is very vague to me. If you PM me I'd love to give you a better opinion I'm sure as you can tell, I'm very opinionated when it comes to other people's relationships and what they should do... I just suck at my own

[Perfection]

wow! there must be something really special about this girl to be pulling in all these guys and making them fall in love with her! lol. I have a question though... if you've known her 3 years, how come it's taken so long for you to tell her you're interested in her? I'm sure there's a whole lot of background, but the situation is very vague to me. If you PM me I'd love to give you a better opinion I'm sure as you can tell, I'm very opinionated when it comes to other people's relationships and what they should do... I just suck at my own

 

i just sent you a LONG pm with the background. hope you don't mind and i would love to hear what you have to say because my mind is completely blank at this point and i am just stuck in this vacuum not knowing what to do next or where to go.