and again Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Got back with ex the other day after a couple of months apart, where i went nc. She broke it saying how she missed me etc, but could not understand how i would want her, she has a few issues includeing insecurity. Any way met the other night, she talked future, deep future, we had a good night no awkwardness, a laugh, sex etc. Next day she rings and says ive been thinking about us and because of what we have been through the last couple of months we should just be friends with benifits see eachother twice a week, as we get on great and the sex is good, without the pressure of a relationship. Im quite happy with that even though i would be more happy with a full blown relationship. It all seems a bit strange though and is going to take some getting used to, anyone else had similar? Link to comment
DN Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I think this is a recipe for disaster if you still have feelings for her. Would this be exclusive FWB or does she feel free to sleep with anyone else if she wants to? Link to comment
and again Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 I think this is a recipe for disaster if you still have feelings for her. Would this be exclusive FWB or does she feel free to sleep with anyone else if she wants to? She says would be exclusive on her part as she hs no intention of going with anyone else, but she says she would not blame me if i could not handle us being full on, but i would have to tell her as she would not like to feel like i would be going with others and her. She knows i would tell her any way. I said im happy enough with my own life and twice a week would be enough for me. But does feel strange. Link to comment
canali Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 In theory sure sounds great...fill your boots man!....but I suspect that given you two also have emotions for each other and they inevitably come out in some form during or after your sex then in reality this idea is a pipe dream (for the majority of us too despite sounding cool casual and adventuresom e )...especially in the long run after the "novelty" wears off...there is some fear and worry there. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Sounds like you're willing to settle for crumbs.... Link to comment
createhappiness Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 don't do it. it's gonna make you delusional to "act" like a couple 2x a week when in reality her heart isn't there. you deserve a woman who wants you for more than just your *bleep* Link to comment
and again Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 There`s a lot of sencible replys on here thanks, ex has lot of issues after previous relationships, seen her break down in front of me in past saying how she cant deal with them due to her ex`s behaviour towards her. It was her past few days telling me how she had missed me in so many ways and that she had been speaking with family and friends about how she doesnt want to loose me. Looking at it now from my side, i couldnt put up with it long term, what happens on a sunny day in summer when you want to go out to coast with girlfriend and you have already used up your quota of days etc, and you have an event or something to go to? do you have to do it all alone, where are the benifits in that? I see her point that we have been through a lot lately, but i dont want to miss out on maybe the one through it. I think i`ll see how it go`s for a week or so but in the meantimetry and back off a bit and look at her faults more. Link to comment
RoxyGril Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 don't do it. it's gonna make you delusional to "act" like a couple 2x a week when in reality her heart isn't there. you deserve a woman who wants you for more than just your *bleep* ^^I agree with this. It really not fair to you. She may say she loves you still and all these things that she may say to you that she feels. But, if she can't commit to you as having a exclusive relationship then it isn't worth even seeing her 2x a week. A FWB relationship will only cause more issues and stress probably even talk a toll on not just you but her as well. You do deserve a girl is going to be committed to you and just doesn't want you on the side. She will want you and only you. Don't do the 2x a week thing with this girl she doesn't deserve you if she can't fully commit herself to you and be in a serious relationship with you. Link to comment
and again Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 ^^I agree with this. It really not fair to you. She may say she loves you still and all these things that she may say to you that she feels. But, if she can't commit to you as having a exclusive relationship then it isn't worth even seeing her 2x a week. A FWB relationship will only cause more issues and stress probably even talk a toll on not just you but her as well. You do deserve a girl is going to be committed to you and just doesn't want you on the side. She will want you and only you. Don't do the 2x a week thing with this girl she doesn't deserve you if she can't fully commit herself to you and be in a serious relationship with you. She says she will be exclusive on her part, but because she cant commit / deal with full time rel she wouldnt blame me if i went with someone else, dont know why she says that because she knows i wouldnt. But still doesnt feel right to me. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 and again, i would not recommend this FWB situation for you, given that you still have a lot of feelings for this person. It's easier said than done to jump into bed one day and then for the next few days "just be friends" if you have feelings for a person. Since you have said a few times that she has some emotional issues I would be very hesitant to believe that he herself will be able to keep her emotions out of the relationship. Link to comment
and again Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 penelope im starting to really doubt where her head is at, it changes by the day, last night she wanted the world, she said you dont seem as though you want it at the momment (how could i just say 100% and smile after how she has had so many diffrent emotions the last few months), i just said we should take it slow. She said i cant blame you. after that last night was like we had never been apart, the way we got on, she takes some working out. Link to comment
and again Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 Or could she be saying it thinking thats what i want to hear, i havnt got a clue, i`ll see her tomorrow ansure it will all come out then. I said earlier that i was ok with it, and that was shocked last night when you brought up marraige, she aid yeah i`d had a drink. Dont get it, hardly worth trying to work out the unworkable. Link to comment
Anusha Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 I did this FWB and I might warn you that is very hard to keep your emotions out when you still have fellings for the other person,almost impossible even I might say. Link to comment
and again Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 carol how long had you been together before hand, and how long was the split? Link to comment
Anusha Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 We been together for almost 7 years and the slipt was almost 4 months ago. Link to comment
and again Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 It does seem a dodgything to do, must be because it`s there and familiar Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 She just played you. She lulled you into a false sense of security in order to manipulate the situation to her benefit. She never wanted to get back together with you...she just said all the right words in order to seduce you into bed..figuring that once you had that taste of closeness again you would agree to her FWB setup in order to hang on to her. I would strongly suggest you dump her like a hot potato. She is cunning and manipulative and no good will come from this...I wouldn't trust her to be monogamous. Link to comment
BCR88 Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Hello, I would like to drop my 2 cents on this thread. I would highly NOT recommend you to be FWB with her. It will only lead to more confusion. I understand you want to be close to her,because it's hard to let go after 7 years... but you should ask yourself. What do I want? From what I have been reading, you want a full relation with her, but it seems like she is not ready for that again... Do you think she will ever feel the DESIRE to have a full relationship with you if she can be just FWB and have a good time with you twice a week and have sex with you? Ofcourse not! She has you under her spell and she won't feel the NEED to be together with you because you are always around her and you are accepting her terms. If you really want her back.. let her know you don't want to be her doormat! Right now you are giving all she needs, how can she miss you..? This is exactly what my ex-gf wants, she wants to hang out sometimes and have a good time and sleep with me.. but I am not going to be her doormat, today I started with NC and I am looking forward to see the results. I have no expectations but I am convinced this is the best for me. I think you should try it too. I understand that you have your doubts since she says she will only have you and is not interested in others.. but how would you feel if suddenly that changes? If she meets some other guy and tells you it's better to quit the benefit part. Wouldn't you feel used? Don't waste energy on her, she has to sort out what she really wants. It's all or nothing, don't make it easy for her! Good luck and be wise! Link to comment
canali Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Yes like I said earlier easier said than done....sex with no emotions over an extended period of time with the same person is self delusion. Link to comment
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