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Is there any hope with a formerly abusive person?


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I've been having a crisis of sorts lately. In my weakness, I reached out to someone who treated me poorly a couple of years ago. Now, to be fair, I was drinking a lot during this relationship and take meds for bipolar disorder. Since he works in mental health, everything was always my fault.


He used to call me an idiot and I spent countless weekends and holidays alone. I was forbidden from mentioning the word "dinner," as in let's go out, in spite of the fact I cooked for him a lot.


I spent last Saturday night with him and he stayed the night. We had a good weekend and he was very supportive of the struggle I am currently having. However, it's his birthday today. He didn't want to tell me what he is doing tonight but then did - says he's going out with a group of his friends - friends I never met. We ended the conversation with him telling me he'll be in touch sometime. I am incredibly hurt. Is there any hope that he would change if he knew how I felt? Any feedback is appreciated and thanks.

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You are all correct in what you say. This situation is particularly dangerous for me, as I just entered an intensive outpatient program for alcohol and thought about drinking a LOT of wine this weekend, as I used to do each time he was abusive to me. I called the therapist of this program and just talked with him for 20 minutes. We came up with a plan for me this weekend that does not involve drinking. It was a ritual for me to drink each time he blew me off or was abusive. I wrote a list of 36 abusive incidents from a long time ago. Fortunately, I kept the list and just re-read them this morning. Thank you all for your input.

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Congratulations on calling your substance abuse therapist and formulating a plan for this weekend! That's fantastic.


I'm with the others...steer WAY clear of this man. He sounds very unkind at best, and probably abusive. And by the way, people who work in mental health don't call other people "idiots" if they're even marginally skilled at their job. I'd rest assured that everything was NOT always your fault.

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