Jump to content

Take the poll now, and be Honest!


EQD

Have you?  

54 members have voted

  1. 1. Have you?

    • Yes
      13
    • No
      41


Recommended Posts

This will be completely anonymous. so no reason to lie or fall into the throws of denial.

 

On ENA have you ever left out or distorted information in a thread with the intention of receiving the exact feedback you desired?

 

On this site we all post and tell one side of the story. And at times we all want to hear a specific kind of response that will support a similar mindset as our own.

 

For instance a woman writes a thread about her bf shoving her, she asks if she should forgive him or leave him forever. Then adds little things like 'he yells at me alot' and some other stuff that makes him look very bad.

And posters probably respond 'what a loser--blah blah blah'

 

But what if in real life she had just punched him, and then he was on his way to leave and she got in his way--making her feel like he 'shoved' her?

That changes things.

 

So often we have to remember the 1 sided story rule.

 

No one comes on here to be put down or harshly criticized for their actions, its a normal defense to then be partial to your own image on this website. But omitting details and such.

 

So... fess up guys.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I pretty much gave any story about my ex that I had as it happened. I may have given the impression that she was this raging * * * * * as soon as I walked in the door, yelling, screaming, kicking, throwing things ALL the time, which is an exaggeration, but it did happen enough to where I took enough and left. I had my moments where I was moody and quiet, but never took it out on her/dragged her into it. I feel I gave a VERY honest account of both sides.

 

I know I gave the truth because even when I was trying to bend the truth by downplaying her actions at times in order to protect her, people here/friends/family still told me she was very immature and had problems.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I pretty much gave any story about my ex that I had as it happened. I may have given the impression that she was this raging * * * * * as soon as I walked in the door, yelling, screaming, kicking, throwing things ALL the time, which is an exaggeration, but it did happen enough to where I took enough and left. I had my moments where I was moody and quiet, but never took it out on her/dragged her into it. I feel I gave a VERY honest account of both sides.

 

I know I gave the truth because even when I was trying to bend the truth by downplaying her actions at times in order to protect her, people here/friends/family still told me she was very immature and had problems.

 

so you downplayed her, exaggerated, and gave a very honest account all at once?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not sure the yes's will vote. I take full responsibility for my participation in my past unhealthy relationships, so no I haven't tried to skew the facts to protect an image or steer the feedback, often quite the opposite because I came here for a big ol' dose of reality.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

pfft. i recognize alot of people cant be honest with themselves or others.

 

i have skewed facts. when i have posted in the past i read back what i wrote and i saw the parts that i left out and the way i presented my side in order to illicit a certain type of response. i used this place as a form of validation for my already existing ideas or opinions.

 

and at the time i was practically unaware i was doing it.

 

i like to accept that flaw instead of denying it. no one is perfect, or the pciture of moral idealism.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That is the beauty of this site. Tell it exactly like it is so you can get the cleanest advice possible. If not, why even post?

 

lost

 

because not everyone wants to be criticized for their faults. it hurts. so they just dont add that part in.

 

on this site there is alot of temptation after a while to become a demi-god of all knowingness.

The more you interact with others on this site, the more they know about you, the deeper the cut can go. Its more personal that way.

No one runs their life perfectly, and even if they did if they posted here about it there would be one or two members new or old who find a loop hole to exploit and throw back in their face.

 

Reputation.

 

After a while people dont want to admit that mistakes were made, they dont want to show those holes anymore. They then fashion themselves into perfect this or perfect that--a ladiesman, a mom, a dater, a player, an upstanding gentleman.. and through that ideal--that image, they gain praise and acclaim.

It feels good, it boosts the ego.

 

The purpose of this website can warp from advice on how to best deal with issues into a means of boosting your ego, looking down on others, and becoming a virtual advice cornerstone of an online community.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i've thought about this exact idea. who can give the best advice. it doesn't always seem like it's about helping...but who can ultimately give the best advice. good luck getting admissions on that one. for a lot of people it's a subconscious thing. another social environment to excel in. feeling important makes you feel good about yourself - your ego boost.

somewhat cynical...but probably more prevalent than anyone would care to admit.

 

someone on here mentioned to me once that the best advice she got came from people who spoke of their own personal experiences. it's a good credo to live by i think. i find i don't take much from responses that feel as if they've been conjured from a million other threads...or copied out of a book somewhere. the whole point is to connect with people that have lived through similar experiences. kind of defeats the purpose when the responses you get are long-winded speculations. the experience stories feel genuine...and there's always room for interpretation...which is really what it comes down to in the end. no two situations are identical...so it's up to us (seekers of advice) to absorb what we can...and interpret our own situations as necessary. the answers we find for ourselves should never be in someone else's words.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

another dangerous thing is transference.

its one of the more obvious vices.

if a member is going through or went through a certain problem with someone on their life they transfer that problem to a similar story that they see on here.

 

i'm also guilty of this.

 

When they see another persons situation as its conveyed on the thread they imply their advice--usually its what they themselves did or the way they handled it in other words.

 

And when the OP decides to take that advice the poster who recommended it is validated that they themselves made the right decision.

 

Even if there are parts of the OP's story that dont line up the advice giver sticks to their conclusion of what they should do. Because it makes them feel like they are not alone in their problem. lol

 

its all crazy, but i think denial is an amazing thing...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

so you downplayed her, exaggerated, and gave a very honest account all at once?

 

I didn't make one single post about everything. In the beginning I was defending her, and as it went on and got worse I would sometimes say "screaming" instead of yelling, though she did both.

 

So in that sense, maybe I wasn't 100% truthful, I guess. Now that I think about it, I actually made a separate account a few months into the relationship and posed under a different name so that people here might have a clean slate/view of her, thinking she'd basically be a "new" person. I got the same responses, unfortunately (or fortunately?)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

no, i've never done that. sometimes i forget and add things as i go along. but usually my first thread post doesn't explain my entire story. i usually ask a question to try and see how i feel about it as people give responses.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No, I don't do this. I think it's because I don't create threads very often, and so when I do I usually want the best advice I can get. I also don't post about relationships much, so I don't have to 'present' myself in a certain light - I can see how this might happen though.

 

Hand on heart, I don't actually care that much about presenting a good light here; I suppose the rules make me a bit nicer than I really am - in real life, I would definitely reply to some people more strongly. Here, I just back off.

 

Interesting thread though - I do suspect it goes on a lot, especially with people who post a lot about dating/relationships, and especially break-ups. You get some posters who will argue that their ex was the pure devil etc. It's like real life, isn't it? You know that there are always two people in a relationship, neither pure angel or pure demon

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have not been here long enough to actually share much of my own stories/ issues, but I see no point in pretending to be better than I am. After all I am looking for feedback that might help me work on some of my many issues!

 

The reason I am doing it anonymously online in the first place is because I know I am at fault for a lot of it and don’t want to actually tell people I socialize with just how many issues I have!We all have some sort of facade, and I want to keep mine.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have done this because I tend to keep my questions quite short. I never read the long ones, so I don't expect people to want to read my essays either. I also know that people tend to fixate on certain points that may only be a small part in a problem. So, I wouldn't say that I do it to get a certain response, but more to prevent certain responses that will not help me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I never did that.

But my problem is that I tend to write in a very realistic, as much as I can, detached way when explaining a certain situation I am going through.

Unfortunately people prefer to give advice when an answer is very simple - and that is when OP is confused and completely misses the point. People prefer fast food lol. So my questions rarely get a lot of answers.

Just recently I posted 2 very difficult questions written in a realistic way. On the first only one person gave me advice (it was a very good advice - more valuable than 10 lame responses) and on the second one I had a bunch of people who did nothing more than accusing me for asking such a question.

The thing is, by the time I post a question I have already reconsidered all the aspects of it and I already have a decision lined up. The only thing I need is to talk with people who experienced similar problems. I just need general chit-chat. But mostly I get interrogated by Ena moral police simply because I don't show regret/confusion/apologise for the way things are.

I must say there are some posters over here I always get valuable input from and who are on the same page as I am. IT's a pleasure reading their posts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have always loved your writing style, Syriana - it's very clear and painfully honest, as though you search for the right words to truly express what you're feeling, even if they are not particularly comfortable feelings! I've never thought that you gloss things up for a certain response. I don't think you're edgy, exactly, but you're very very honest which can maybe disturb people? I also always get the strongest sense of your culture through your writing (sorry, can't explain this very well) - it's a pleasure to read your posts!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...