What about NC for unsupportive friends or family members?

[viajera]

OK, so it seems like we all pretty much agree that the best - if not the only - way to heal from a breakup, especially a difficult one, is to go NC as much as is possible. But what about other relationships that have also fallen apart related to the breakup? Specifically, friends and family members who were completely unsupportive during the breakup? Especially the family members - I'm really hurt by my parents' actions (or lack thereof) and really don't want to talk to them, especially not now, but they're my family and they're both getting up there in years...

 

I've mentioned this before elsewhere, but I had one "friend" who I helped through her divorce, who promised me the day she found out about my divorce that she's there for me "anytime", then promptly disappeared, not responding to emails and accusing me of being attention-seeking when I called her out on her double standards. I've stopped talking to her, no ifs, ands or buts about it - she's self absorbed and I don't need her in my life. Another friend also disappeared, but she lives a long ways away, has limited phone and internet access, has been incredibly busy, and has apologized, so I am tentatively allowing her to remain as a friend.

 

But my parents...I've had a contentious relationship with them since childhood. Basically, my mother's completely self-absorbed, not happy with her life, and projects and takes out her unhappiness onto me. Two recent (and relatively mild) examples: she told me I looked fat in my wedding photos, and that it should have been my sister getting married not me because "you're pretty, but so's she and everyone thinks she's just so delightful". When we split up, I sent my family a lengthy email asking for support. She and my sister responded with one- to three-liners asking or telling me not to take him back (which was not even an option); my dad never responded at all. When I called them on it, and on the fact that they've never understood me nor made any effort to try to get to know me for who I am rather than who they thought I was, my dad and sister apologized, but my mother made it all about her. There's a lot more history than this, but this gives you an idea.

 

Basically, at this point, I'm still struggling with the breakup and the loss of my husband, my dreams, my plans, as well as those friends and family that abandoned me. I'm still putting myself back together, with the help of a few true friends. I just don't have the energy and emotional strength to deal with my parents and face whatever barbs they'll have next. They've asked me to call this weekend. I really don't want to talk to them, a big part of me would rather just go NC with them, too - but then I'd feel guilty. I don't know...what do you all think?

[Binoo]

I've gone no contact with friends many times.

Also, I've started avoiding a few relatives in my extended family as well.

It's very difficult to do but sometimes it needs to be done.

What's the point of having poisonous people in your life?

I would rather be completely alone than be around people who are uncaring and unsupportive.

[waveseer]

I try to keep myself surrounded with positive, supportive, kind, and loving people in my inner circle so that I can allow limited contact with negative, unsupportive, mean, and unloving blood relatives. It keeps them from showing up on my doorstep. lol

[ratfreak]

You find out who your true friends are when you're in need of help.

The friend who dissapeared when you needed their help was not your friend and I think it's best to find out sooner rather than later.

 

As for family, I learned a long time ago to not rely on their help. Secrets have gotten out and things were messed up so I steer clear of family close and distant.

 

In your case, you've talked to them and got no help. I'd just avoid them for a bit but not cut them out of your life.