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sao2

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Hi guys, I guess I need some thoughts to put things in prospective. My ex and I were together for 2 years and broke up about 2 years ago. During that time we fell absolutely in love with each other and neither one of us has moved on. We still talk and recently we have begun exploring th idea about getting back together. Great right? Well all is not smooth sailing.

 

One of the issues we have had in the past was our sex life, actually to be more accurate I should say the lack of a sex life. We were intimate in that we would kiss and what-not but there was always a line that could not be crossed with her. We are not in high school or even college anymore. She is in her late 20's and I am in my early 30's. As a man in my early 30's I don't feel comfortable dedicating myself to a relationship in which there is no sex involved, and I told her this. I told her that until we are having sex I would consider that we were "dating" versus being in a committed relationship. Her issues with sex are not religious in origin, she just simply "isn't ready".

 

She begrudgingly accepted this but laid a guilt trip on me about it. I am not trying to have sex with other women, really I am not, I just don't feel like I can consider committed again to a relationship without sex.

 

Your thoughts?

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if she isn't ready, then she isn't. can't force the issue. if you can't accept her as is, then find someone else. it isn't your fault if you have this need, and it isn't her fault she has her need (to wait, and be ready emotionally in this relationship). doesn't matter if she is or isn't a virgin. if she doesn't feel comfortable dedicating her body to a relationship that isn't even a relationship yet, it's her call.

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I can't tell you what to do, but I'm in my mid-30s and there's no way I'd enter (or re-enter in this case) a relationship in which there is no sex. She expects you to get off to porn the whole time? Or just not get off, like her?

 

I agree with SML, maybe your sex drives aren't compatible. Given that she's not holding out for religious reasons and that most women seem to have more frequent sex before marriage than after, I'd consider the possibility that she just has a low sex drive.

 

velvette makes a good point - you can't force the issue. Well, you can, but even if she does give in, she may feel like you coerced her into sex before she was ready. And that could easily poison the relationship.

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Thanks for your input everybody. Well it is at this point too late to take it back so we will see how things turn out. She wasn't too happy about it but she accepted it. In some sense this is our compromise, at least for the time being.

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Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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