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I dumped my girl last weekend and can't stop thinking of her


byates5637

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Last weekend I dumped my girlfriend because of something she did. She was a really great girlfriend in every way except for this one problem. It was something I warned her about before and said if it ever happens again, our relationship is over. It happened again so I had to dump her...but I don't think she really meant for it to happen.

 

We were in love. It was really hard for me to break up with her but I felt like I had to.

 

Throughout our 7 month relationship she was always really really into me....more so than I was even into her. She wanted to see me all the time and was always calling me, trying to do nice things for me. She was also borderline codependant, whereas I wasn't really.

 

I expected that after the breakup she would pursue me relentlessly. I thought she would be calling me 5 times a day begging for me to take her back. And she did this for the first two days. The last text she sent me was the day after the breakup and it said "Please forgive me. Please know how much I love and care about you. You have to know that I learned my lesson and will do anything to fix this."

 

I ignored the text because at the time I was still really upset over what happened. The text was sent Monday morning. Since then she hasn't called or texted me at all. I'm really starting to miss her. In a sick kind of way I really wanted her to pursue me, although that is not why I broke up with her...I'm not trying to play a game with her. I thought maybe if she tried hard enough to win me back I could forgive her for what she had done. But she hasn't contacted me at all in almost 4 days.

 

So I feel this really strong urge to call her. Should I call...or should I just try to forget about this one? I'm thinking about her constantly

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She HIT you, man. Add the co-dependency issues to that, and it's a recipe for disaster. Of course she's going to say she learned her lesson. Now she's got a scare in her. You warned her, like you said. Don't give in, and move on. Be strong. After a week, I will bet you she hasn't changed.

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Your relationship may still have hope, but you and her clearly need to work out these problems. In a good relationship, you don't just run away -- you sit down and talk about it. Maybe the two of you haven't learned a good way to do that. That's pretty common and not the end of the world.

 

I would suggest you call her up, let her know that you have thought a lot about what happened and that you feel you overreacted. You are sorry that this caused her pain and you would like to have a second chance, but that it will require some work. You care about her so much that you are willing to put aside your ego in order to work out your problems. This is especially important: let her know that she, too, needs to stand up for what she believes in.

 

You need to create a dialogue where you are both free to communicate without fear of being unvalidated. The two of you need to communicate your needs clearly. I suggest writing them down, almost like a contract. Both of you should do this, then exchange your "list" and make sure you both understand what the other is looking for.

 

Now, that said, you have hurt her. Obviously, I can't guarantee she will want to get back with you. You will need to reassure her that you think the relationship is worth having a second chance, but be careful about giving false hopes if you can't live up to your responsibility in the relationship. Part of the reason you are thinking about her constantly is because you want what you can't have (she pulled back and made you the pursuer).

 

EDIT:

Ok, I didn't realize she hit you. I am sticking to my advice EXCEPT don't give in and say you overreacted! I didn't realize she hit you. Only pursue this relationship if she will go into couples counseling with you so that she can see her role in things, too. If you are not interested in her having professional help (with you at her side), then maybe you can't work this one out.

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I would suggest you call her up, let her know that you have thought a lot about what happened and that you feel you overreacted.

Have you read the part when she hit him - hard - in the face? And that she has been violent and abusive in the past.

 

I really don't think he over-reacted. But if he took her back that would be a huge mistake.

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Definitely do not pursue her. It's a GOOD THING that she isn't relentlessly begging you because you would cave if she did and you should NOT take someone back that is going to physically abuse you. If it's physical abuse then it's most likely emotional/mental abuse too and LOVE does not hurt in that way. People who are in love do not go out of their way to physically or mentally hurt one another.

You are way better off without her man!

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Hmmm well I don't think you should actively try geting her back. And perhaps the reason she has not contacted you is because she IS learning her lesson and trying to show you that by respecting your wishes. You said she is co dependant, but you wishing a violent person would contact you shows a bit of co dependence on your part as well. What you're doing is romanticizing the old relationship because you're forgetting why you broke up. Keep those thoughts and reasons in the forefront of your mind when you begin missing her....it will help.

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hit you hard...boy, that really sucks. part of me want to ask you to give her a chance, if you love her. this is what i did before, i love my bf very much but one time, i slammed the door very hard into his face. he was very sad, i regretted doing that too. we did patch up after few days...

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Absolutely do NOT get back with her. I have not seen the other post others are referring to but hitting you ONCE is too much!

 

The classic pattern is to say sorry, suck you back in and then it's much worse the next time.

 

If you really love her, I agree the only way forward would be to get her to go to anger management classes and possibly couples counselling, JUST IN CASE there are issues that can be explored/sorted out.

 

But really you warned her once and she did it again. I don't think you should allow her to come back into your life again until she is able to PROVE to you that she has sorted herself out.

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Have you read the part when she hit him - hard - in the face? And that she has been violent and abusive in the past.

 

I really don't think he over-reacted. But if he took her back that would be a huge mistake.

 

No I didn't see that. I added an edit to the end of my post.

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Dream about your ex
Dream about your ex

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