leecam Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 My husband is on his way back home after being away again... before he left I said that we were through because of his manipulation and emotional abuse but also because he spends our money constantly on himself and his travels to the detriment of our finances... I just have had enough and don't know what to do... He is a Vietnam Vet and I am going to counselling on Tuesday to seek help for myself as I need to know if what I am doing is the right thing... my husband does not think so but then he is not prepared to change anything either... I have explained in my last post there is no intimacy in our marriage and he is very controlling and I constantly feel as if I am the "enemy".. Anyway I don't know how to handle the "homecoming" (as such) as I know that he will just act like everything is normal. I also know he will not move out of the house so I guess even though he is the instigator of all my hurt and pain, he will just expect everything to carry on as normal (army style)... To be fair he knows I am really upset, but to be fair to me.. I cannot help how I feel right now, I just want some peace in my life and the freedom to see my kids without feeling guilty all the time.. I feel guilty every minute of my life it seems, but I don't know why that is either.. how weird. I even feel guilty if I don't answer my mobile to him within 2 seconds.. I feel bad just for being me. What approach do I take when he comes home? Do I pretend there is nothing wrong also (which I have done for the last 5 years)... go to my counselling and hope everything will get better .. I am a bit scared of how I feel because I know the consequences of it all. I feel sick every day and have done for 3 weeks Link to comment
Mia_of_Doom Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Do you feel in danger when he's around? If so, you should probably stay with a friend or family member instead of at your house. Call him or leave a note telling him you're leaving him (assuming this is what you want to do). Link to comment
Breaking Away Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 good lord .. you just gave me a glimpse into what would have been my future had i not broken things off with my xfiance... wow... including the "army" mentality. as far as what you should do- gather your strength and prepare yourself to walk out that door. He won't like it .. he'll lose money and probably his BH..and a bunch of other good stuff...but oh well... he should have taken the time to make changes while he had the opportunity. Link to comment
leecam Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 I don't think he would do anything physical.. but he has threatened to make my life a "living nightmare" ... (he thinks there must be someone else) .. he is sooo wrong about that I know it would just inflame things even more if I was not here when he got back.. but I also know I have to sit down (like I did 3 weeks ago) and tell him yet again how I feel. That is why I am scared. I know this decision affects his life as well but he will not take any responsibility for what is happening and acts like the "wounded one".. when in fact it is really me who is the hurt one I know I might have to run away if things get horrible and he gets agitated etc.. I do have somewhere to go to thank goodness but there is no-one at this house where I can go to and I know he would track me down there, he has bragged to me how he is patient and observant and is good at ambushing I am starting to wonder why his last partner fled to another state without telling him Link to comment
top bloke Posted April 10, 2009 Share Posted April 10, 2009 Sounds too possessive Lee. You need to get away.. You shouldnt have live like that.. Link to comment
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