I feel there is something more I can/should say. Maybe it could change his mind?

[Aeryn]

I'm sure a lot of you recognize me by now--I've posted quite a bit this past month. If you're not sure about me or my story, the sum of it is: My ex dumped me nearly a month ago because he didn't feel we were going anywhere, basically.

 

I've been in NC with him for 12 days now. Today, in the entire 12 days, is the first day that I've really felt like contacting him and saying a few words to him.

 

First, I wrote him a note and was gonna stick it on his car windshield before I left school. Luckily, I threw the note away before I got to the parking lot. I then got home and typed up a text message, but managed to hit the "cancel" button instead of "send". Then, I typed up an Email to send him...luckily, I did not send it. Not to him anyways--I just sent it to myself since I had a strong urge to hit the "send" button. I was about to call him a little bit ago...but decided to just get in my car and leave for a bit, and leave my phone at home.

 

I have so many unsaid things to say to him, but I know its best not to do it at this point. I just feel that, maybe, if I said these last few words though...maybe he would change his mind. Maybe he would want to give us one more shot. Maybe.

 

I just feel that, by staying in NC, he may feel that I hold some sort of hatred towards him...and that even if he wanted to come back, he wouldn't, because he'd feel that I hate him.

 

But by breaking NC...I know I'd hurt myself. NC has helped me thus far to cope. Believe it or not, I am healing. I believe I have hit my "acceptance" stage: I know he's never coming back...but I still have those "what if" thoughts.

 

I've thought about this over and over again: Would I really want him back, if he came back? ...And the answer is Yes. It's not because I feel rejected, or feel I can't do better. I know I can. But it's the love I have for him and the bond we shared...I still feel all of it for him. *sigh*

 

 

I'm not even sure if the things I said make sense. I'm probably just rambling on about nothing.

[tiggboriqua]

Hi

 

Congratulation on keeping NC I know its hard , Its too soon 12 days seems like a lot but its not , You are doing great keep it up

 

 

Let it sink in , let him see what life's without you meanwhile keep improving yourself and Keep strong . You are doing great

 

 

Take care of you

[allinmyhead]

Been there Aerorobyn. I did manage to give the ex one last letter in hopes it would change her mind. It didn't. I think we all know that changing someone else's mind is nearly impossible when they've decided what's best for them. It's been nearly a month for me and I'm still in LC because I can't bear to let go just yet. I tell you what it's all one sided. She's only texted me once in the past month. Otherwise I'm always reaching out. It sucks and I know I have to stop the what ifs too but I feel like I need to hold on to hope or I'll not come back from this one. I know how you feel when you say you want your ex back. I would take mine back in a second to stop the pain. I remember the great love we shared but she only remembers the bad stuff at this point. Maybe someday she'll remember the good times always outweighed the bad. Now I'm rambling. Sorry.

You sound like you're doing great so don't open any old wounds unless you really are prepared to feel the rejection it may bring. Hang in there.

[unwritten law]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm closing in on two months NC. I spent the first week after the break up begging and pleading her to come back. I wish I had done things differently. That week of begging and trying to be her friend afterwards only made me more hurt and confused. Just stick with NC to get yourself together and less emotional to see the situtation objectively. I wish I didn't spend the week begging her to come back. I would of saved a lot of pride and heartache.

 

He decided to break up with you. His loss...

[babysunshine]

I wish I didn't spend the week begging her to come back. I would of saved a lot of pride and heartache. ...

 

Unwritten Law!! One week?? Try a year and a half of not being able to do NC. Yep, I just started three months ago after all this time being in contact. A week is NOTHING. It is the "norm". Very few people can be broken up with and that moment initiate NC. It is perfectly normal to want an explanation or convince someone. It shows you care and want to make an effort. Now, what becomes unhealthy is if you persist in these behaviors for more than a week or so. ( I personally didn't beg and plead for the whole year we had contact! I just was his "friend"... ARGH!!!) The most important thing I learned throughout this journey through hell is that next time, no matter how much pain I am in the other person will NEVER know. My family, friends, even randoms on the street will know but the moment he decides to walk away.... that's it.

[Raoul]

Don't contact him. It will only push him further away.

 

NC has two purposes. One is to give him the gift of missing you. The other is to give yourself time to work on you.

 

So take the time you invested in him (and thinking about him) and spend it on you. Become the you you've always wanted.

 

You can do this,

Raoul

[Aeryn]

Thanks for the responses yall. I'm not planning on breaking NC anytime soon, if ever. He ended it, so if he ever decides he wants to work something out, he knows my phone number, home address, and email address.

 

And...I'm guilty of begging and pleading too. I did it for the first two weeks after the breakup, but not every single day. I begged the first 3-4 days, then went LC for a couple of days, then went back to begging for a couple of days, then back to LC for a few days...until finally, NC.

[vertigoxo]

I hear you, Aero. It is hard, I know it, and everyone here knows it. You just have to remember; You are a person worthy of true love. People break up all the time, and some of them do get back together later in life. Right now, you have to focus on yourself, not your ex. It's hard when all you think about is him (trust me, it's happening to me still.) but you gotta push those "Maybe I should drop him a line, just saying what's up..." thoughts away! Once you do them, you'll regret it, and you'll push your ex away even more.

 

It's time to work and heal yourself. NC is about you, not your ex. YOU!

[ratfreak]

Give it more time and don't write anything unless you send it to your friend or toss it after.

 

After a while you'll be less angry and you're not even going to care.

There's still some things that I want to say to my ex and I will but it won't be while I'm angry. I'm not going to again give him the satisfaction that he's hurt me.

 

Indiffrence is opposite of love.

[unwritten law]

It was a very difficult time for me. It was absolutely crushing. She was my world, my life. After the initial week of begging, I went NC for a week until she called me. She wanted to be friends. As painful as it was for me, I tried to be her friend. Whenever we had contact as "friends" she took on a very rude and disrespectul tone with me. Very unfriend-like. After that disrespect and mistreatment, I cut off all contact with her. I can't be her friend of convenience. It is by far the most difficult and painful time of it life.

[InRecovery]

Thats exactly how I feel.

 

I guess we were somewhat naive in trying to fix things, thinking that being open and honest would show how much the other person means to us ... in actuality it probably pushes them further away.

 

Additionally I always told myself if someone dumped me I'd never take them back, pride/ trust thing ... yet I tried everything to convince her she was wrong and I'm left angry at myself for sacrificing my dignity for her.

 

If and when I get dumped next time my reaction will be along the lines of 'fine, if thats what you want - there's no point convincing someone to be with you if they don't want to be'

[ratfreak]

Once they leave, their mind is made up.

If they change their minds, they have to come back on their own - without you trying to convince them they want you back.

 

 

I had my mind made up when I left my abusive ex years ago and there was no going back.

[SpeedingCars]

I think when you guys break up, that's it. He doesn't deserve to know how much you care about him or whatever else you have to say. But when you really feel the urge to contact him, draft a text or write a letter. Stash it away & go to sleep, then see how you feel in the morning